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“Are you ready to speak with us now?” the man in the middle asked. He wore a fitted navy suit and his sandy hair was pulled back, his sideburns full of grays. His piercing gray eyes held my hard gaze.
“Yes,” I spat.
“Can you discuss the events that happened today?”
I knew that he was talking about the situation that happened with Dr. Harkness, but without meaning to, my mind went to Barbie. I thought about the way we locked eyes and everything made sense. She was leaving, going somewhere I couldn’t follow, and it was all because of that stupid bitch, Harkness.
If I was ever going to leave this place, I needed to change the game a little.“I apologize for the events that happened today. I let my anger get the best of me, but it will not happen again. I came here to learn to control my temper and I will do better.”
The words that left my mouth didn’t sound like me. It made my skin crawl to listen to my voice. It sounded exactly like the asshole drunk who was my foster parent, when he wanted to win someone over.He was a drunk and convinced the system that I belonged here. But if I was going to leave this place, I needed to convince even myself that I wasn’t a fuckup.
The panelists all hummed with approval.
“Words will not cut it. We need action from you. If you can behave for the next year, then we may release you. However, if there is one slip up or one mistake, then the deal is off and you remain here.”
One year. 365 days. A fucking eternity. That’s how long I would be ripped away from my beloved Barbie. My chest constricted with each labored breath as I tried to keep myself from breaking down. I could feel the man’s eyes burning into me, waiting for a response, but my mind was consumed with one thought: I had to endure this. I couldn’t let anyone break me. As I replayed the memory of tears streaming down Barbie’s face and the sad sobs that echoed through the hall, my resolve crumbled. They took her from me, like a prized possession snatched away by heartless thieves. But she wasn’t an object, she was mine. Barbie belonged with me. She was mine.
All Mine.
“I’ll see you in a year, then,” I said.
* * *
Seated on the floor, I leaned my back against the wall, letting my arm dangle lazily off of my knee. With my head resting against the cool surface, I closed my eyes and focused on quieting my thoughts. As time passed and days turned into weeks, then into months, this routine had become easier to handle. A year came and went, and I proved to myself I could control my temper more often than I thought I could, but there were still moments when I felt myself dancing close to the breaking point. I imagined myself holding a knife, immersed in the feeling of the hilt in my grasp, the curve of the blade gleaming.
Breathe in… Breathe out…
I focused on my breathing and the dark thoughts disappeared, replaced with blonde hair that was brighter than the sun and a laugh that was better than any song. Soon, I would finally see her again. I opened my eyes and stared at the folded clothes laid out on the edge of the bed.Today was the day. The last time I would ever set foot in this fucking room.I stood up, walked to the end of the bed, and changed into the street clothing the aides had brought me. The clothes I wore here no longer fit, a testament to how much I’ve grown since I was a nineteen-year-old boy.
When I was finished dressing, I circled the room for the last time. I piled books high on the floor, left others scattered in the middle, and some against the walls. A couple of days after the panel meeting, I went to the home’s library. I needed something to distract me from my thoughts, and it eventually became a habit. I borrowed a ton of books, mostly things about mediation and some bullshit about finding your center.
But I also found some interesting reads on anatomy. One day in the library, I noticed it from the corner of my eye and brought it back to my room, hiding it between my other two books. I read about the ways a person could cleanly cut open the body, and the functions of the heart. Whenever Dr. Harkness came into my room for a room check, I would quickly hide it with the other piles of books.
I refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing me break. Through a year of constant taunting and torment, she thought she had me under her control. But as I stared into her eyes, my expression cold and unyielding, I fucked her with every ounce of defiance in my body. She squirmed beneath me, moaning in frustration as she failed to elicit any reaction from me. For twelve agonizing months, I endured this hellhole without my love by my side. But watching Dr. Harkness struggle in her feeble attempts to break me was a small victory that fueled my determination to survive.
The loud, urgent pounding on the door jolted me out of my daze, and I knew it was time. I gathered my belongs, making sure to tuck the picture that Barbie gave me in my jeans before strolling out past the aide who knocked. Each step down the hallway felt like a last farewell, knowing that after today, I would never walk this path again.
A smile crept on my face.
I walked inside Dr. Harkness’s office to find her already sitting on the couch. She motioned for me to sit, and I took the seat directly across from her. Her two goons were posted next to the door, but I didn’t mind them. For the last year, she had tried repeatedly to get a rise out of me, but I refused to give her that satisfaction.
I had a goal: to get out of here and find my Barbie.
“You’re so fucking smart,” she began. Her calm demeanor was breaking, and I could see the fury behind her eyes. She was beyond pissed. “What makes you think you can leave when you are so fucked-up?”
I didn’t answer her, just leaned against the couch as I draped my arm across the back of it. This meeting was supposed to be my exit interview and she would try her damnedest to get me to break.
I wouldn’t break for her. There was no way in hell.
“Don’t you want to stay and play some more?” she asked as she stripped off her white coat, letting it fall around her waist.
She brought her hands to the top button of her cream blouse, then slowly unfastened each one, trailing down until she revealed her bra.“Don’t you want to play with my pussy?” Her hand traveled down her front and disappeared into her pants.
She moaned loudly enough that anyone on the other side of the door could have heard. She wanted to get a rise out of me, but my dick remained limp.
Disgusting bitch.
I watched as she fingered her pussy and played with her breast, eventually bringing herself to climax. Her body trembled from the high and she tried to catch her breath. I stared right at her, my face revealing nothing but displeasure.When she finally noticed my distaste, she stomped over to her desk, reached into her drawer and pulled out a knife. My body tensed at the sight of it.She was so fucking stupid to pull a knife on me. I could easily grab it from her grip and slice her throat. The idea alone made my blood sing, but if I did that, I would never see Barbie again. And I wouldn’t let anything stand between us.
