Page 12 of Delirium


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Of her plump belly and rounded breasts…

Fuck.

I’m beginning to sound like Landon, who I know for certain has this particular kink. I’ve seen it in his silver eyes whenever Ellie discusses children or acts maternal.

“Focus, Ellie.” I scoop Frodo up with one hand, and the pup immediately begins to lick my cheek. I settle the dog on my lap, scratching him behind the ear. “What is this about a swimming party?”

“It takes place at the pool on campus,” Ellie says absently, and I know her attention is still on Frodo. She misses the little guy almost as much as she misses me. If not more so.

“As in…bathing suits?” My blood freezes and then unthaws abruptly. All I can think about is Ellie in a bikini. Fuck.

“What is with you guys and bathing suits?” she growls adorably.

“Who’s going to be at this party?” I ask carefully, focusing out the window once more. The sky’s beginning to darken, the deep stain of twilight spreading across the blue.

“You’re being silly, Ryker.” I can hear the smile in Ellie’s voice.

Yes.

Silly.

Silly enough to murder anyone who dares to even set eyes upon Ellie in a bathing suit. Ha. Ha. Ha. So fucking silly.

I don’t say that part aloud, though. I have a feeling I’m not the only member of Mania who shares that mentality.

My heart squeezes in an iron vise.

Fuck, sometimes it’s easy to forget that Ellie is with four men who love her just as much as I do. I don’t want to be the jealous, possessive type, yet I can admit to myself that I want all of her, not just a piece.

The others might be willing to share, but not me. Never me.

Yet I can’t give her up.

What choice do I have? Keep her and share her? Lose her forever? Is it wrong that I’m still hoping she’ll choose me and only me? That we’ll run away into the sunset, leaving POP, The Divine One, and even Mania in our dust?

But no. She’ll never pick just me, not when her feelings for the others are as strong as they are.

That reminder is a splash of acid on already reddened skin.

“Ryker? Are you there?” Ellie’s voice is tentative, and I focus on the present, refusing to dwell on the uncertain and precarious future.

“I’m here, baby.” I push aside the gamut of emotions threatening to drown me, even though I have the strangest urge to ask Ellie—why?

Why am I not good enough for her?

Why can’t she just choose me?

Why did she say she loved me if she planned to break my heart by being with one of the guys?

My friends seem to believe we can all be in some sort of polyamorous relationship with Ellie, but I don’t buy it. We’re all too possessive of her to allow any other man to touch her. Just the thought has me wanting to rip my hair out.

Yet it’s like I’m incessantly banging on soundproof glass, praying for someone to hear me.

No one ever can.

“I need to go, Ry, but…” She clears her throat, and I wait with bated breath for her to finish her sentence. Even though she says the same thing at the end of every call, I’ll never get tired of hearing it. Ever. “I love you.”

Fuck.

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