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When my vision gets blurry, I swipe my tears away and finish looking through my spring break photos.
My tears turn into sobs as I get to a picture of Damien and me kissing on the porch with the beach in the background.
How did my life go from being that happy to being this miserable in such a short period of time?
How will I ever get over this heartbreak?
How will I go to his class and pretend I’m not still head over heels in love with him?
How will I look at him and know that he is moving on with someone that he claims was just a friend?
I lay back on my pillow and let the tears fall as I hope and pray the next few weeks pass in a blur, so I can graduate and be away from the reminders of Jake, Damien, and this horrible breakup.
The doorbell rings and I sit up to listen to see if Jake answers the door. When I don’t hear any voices, I get out of bed and sneak to my bedroom door.
Pressing my ear against the door, I slowly let my breath out through my mouth and listen for any movement in the living room.
The doorbell chimes again, but there isn’t any movement on the other side of my door.
Did Jake leave for class earlier than he usually does?
Or does he know who is ringing our doorbell and is refusing to talk to them?
The doorbell chimes a third time, and I open my bedroom door as quietly as I can to see who it is.
Jake is standing in the kitchen making breakfast. He glances at me before turning his gaze to the front door.
It must be someone looking for him because he’s usually the only one here this late in the day.
Someone is intent on talking to him because they knock on the front door in a loud, incessant manner. It makes me want to yell at them to get the fucking hint that Jake isn’t interested in talking, but I keep quiet.
Jake doesn’t move, so I keep my position in my doorway as the knocking stops.
Damien’s voice sounds from the front porch. “Shae, are you in there?”
My heart tries to leap out of my chest as soon as I hear his voice.
What is he doing here and how does he know I’m not in English class?
I want to open the door and talk to him, but I know it will only anger Jake more than he already is.
Plus, there’s no way for me to explain why I broke up with him the way I did last night when I was begging him to communicate more.
The last thing I need Jake to do is expose my relationship with Damien this close to graduation.
Damien knocks again. This time, it’s softer and feels desperate. “Shae, please open the door and talk to me.”
Hearing him begging me to talk to him has my feet moving my body towards the front door. My heart is breaking for not only me, but for him as well.
Jake narrows his eyes at me and puts his fingers to his lips to shush me and keep me from opening the door.
I hate him more now than I did last night, and I didn’t think it was possible.
If I didn’t break my phone last night in anger, I could easily unblock Damien and send him a text explaining what went wrong, and more importantly, I could apologize for hurting him.
But, stupidly, last night I threw my phone against my closet door and it shattered. Now my only option to save my relationship is in pieces on my bedroom floor.
Damien knocks haphazardly one more time. “Please don’t jump to conclusions. Give me an opportunity to let me explain what happened.”
