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Scribe
That was a good question.
Who did I want to be?
No one had ever asked me that question before.
Growing up, my parents assumed I would be like them. When I entered college, many believed I would become a practicing lawyer. When I joined the Marine Corps, many believed I would make a career of it. My whole life, I always did what I felt was right. I never questioned anything, so when I walked away from it all, I left people shocked, scratching their heads.
The fact was, I really didn’t know what I wanted to be.
I knew what I wasn’t and what I didn’t like, but not who or what I was destined to be.
“Scribe?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s okay to not know what you want. There are days I feel like that too. I know you know my secret. That I read erotic books on the internet. When I opened your laptop, EroticAudiables.com was open on the browser.”
“I was going to tell you I knew.”
“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. My point is, do you think I want to read books on the internet to pervy men for the rest of my life? Because I don’t. I do it because it pays my bills. It’s not who I am.”
I smirked. “I’m one of those pervy men, babe.”
Smiling, she nodded. “Yeah. I know. What I am trying to say is reading erotic romance online doesn’t define who I am. It’s something I do to make money, but it’s not who I am. Like when you drive the wrecker for the club. Just because you do that doesn’t mean it’s who you are. It’s just something you do. You know that don’t you?”
Sighing, I replied, “Yeah. I know that, baby. It’s just for so long, I’ve been many things. A brother, a best friend, anything anyone needed me to be. I’m a licensed lawyer in the state of Virginia and I only work for the club. I’m a part-time mechanic and help Gunner in the garage. I’m a business owner, well part-time owner of the Rosewood Bowling alley with Enigma. I’m a bartender at the Rose Tavern, the bar the club owns.”
“But those are just things you do. Not who you really are, Scribe.”
“I don’t know who I am. Who do you think I am?”
“I see a man who loves being a friend to everyone around him. I see a brother who absolutely adores his sisters, no matter how aggravating they are. I see a man who loves his parents. I see a man who is Bailey’s best friend, even when he wants to strangle her sometimes, but will drop everything to help her. I see a loyal club brother, who will stand up and defend his brothers regardless of any circumstance. I see a mentor, a friend, a father figure to a young boy who is still learning to find his own way in this world. You are many things, Scribe. Just because you don’t know who you are, doesn’t mean we don’t know.”
“And what am I to you?”
“The man I love. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
“You mean it?”
I watched as Henley got to her feet and walked over to where I was sitting. Kneeling before me, she whispered, “I’ve never wanted anything more. We all have darkness inside of us, Dimeter. Nothing you do or say will ever change how I feel about you. For so long, I lived alone, thinking that was what fate had in store for me. But then you showed up and everything fell into place. Whatever you are going through right now, just know that I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours. Forever.”
Sighing, I leaned my head back against the wall, taking a deep breath. It was now or never. I didn’t want any secrets between us. She had a right to know. Taking the plunge, I spoke my truth. “On my second deployment to Afghanistan, I was part of a special team ordered to find some head of a terrorist group. They assigned us an interpreter. A female. I thought it odd, considering how that area treated women, but kept my opinions to myself. As the months went by, I got to know the woman and before I knew it, I fell in love with her. One thing led to another and then she told me she was pregnant. When I asked my superiors to send her stateside, they refused because she was Afghan. To make matters worse, they removed her from our team. For a short time, I didn’t know where she was, until a member of our group spotted her in the marketplace near our base. When I ran to meet her, I saw her talking with another soldier from another team. Gavin was a prick. No other way to describe him.
She and Gavin were in a heated discussion. As I approached, I heard her say she didn’t want to do it anymore. When I asked, she told me it was nothing. That she was thinking about quitting being an interpreter.
I believed her.
Anyway, one night my team and I were out on patrol and shit went sideways fast. I was crouched behind a building when I saw her. She was arguing with Gavin again. Before I could stop him, he shot her. She died instantly. I didn’t think. In the chaos of the night, I killed him, Henley. I didn’t know why I did it, only that I did.
When King saw, he grabbed my gun and got me the fuck out of there. I don’t know why King did what he did. I never asked, but then the command ruled Gavin’s and Hajira’s death as KIA. Killed in action. It was Priest who found out that Hajira was never pregnant. Apparently, he and King searched her small home, where they found the condoms I used. Every one of them had holes in them. Apparently, she was trying to entrap me.”
“I’m so sorry, Scribe.”
“That’s not even the worst part of it. Gavin, the fucker I killed, apparently he was in on it. Gavin learned that while my parents lived freely as hippies, enjoying life, my dad was a Malpas.”
“I don’t understand. What does your dad have to do with this?”
