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Now seated, Sebastian felt Lucan’s presence in the room like an anchor. He had never exchanged so much as a word with the man, but he felt a kind of golden cord of connection, a yearning, a desire. The very desire all those who knew him judged him and found him wanting for. He could not express it, of course. He barely dared even so much as glance toward the knight. But he felt him. He felt him the same way a freezing man feels the heat of a nearby fire.
Dinner began, and soon the hall was full of conversation and revelry, noise and general chatter. Though he was ostensibly the guest of honor, Sebastian felt forgotten in the mix. He was not certain whether he should feel relieved or offended, so he decided to feel both at the same time.
He returned to the center of attention when the birthday cake was presented, a many-tiered creation festooned with icing and piping in gold and purple. Sebastian knew the interior would be a rich cherry-chocolate concoction layered to his liking with vanilla and rich liqueur. He had been instrumental in the design of the cake, each part of it had been a reflection of some whim or desire. His mouth watered looking at it, but when the servants attempted to deliver the first pieces to him, his mother waved them on.
“Mother!” Sebastian let out a scandalized cry.
“No, Sebastian,” his mother said. “I told you earlier. No cake for you until you are married.”
Thoroughly offended, Sebastian looked his mother dead in the eye and mustered up every bit of masculinity. It did not come overly naturally to him. He was possessed of a natively gentle voice and refined tones that did not translate well to strident demand.
“It is my birthday, Mother, how dare you attempt to deny me cake. I am a grown man, and this is my party!”
Sebastian wished his voice was deeper and boomed more powerfully. He hated the way his voice rose and even dared break into a squeak on the words my party.
“A grown man need not beg his mother for cake, Sebastian,” his mother replied, speaking to him like a child.
“Then I shall take it myself.” Sebastian reached a pale, elegant hand toward the cake which had been placed before him, a glorious piece of patisserie art.
The queen brandished a small knife, her eyes flashing with intemperance. “I will whip your hand off if you so much as reach for the gateaux.”
His mother’s word was worth heeding. She did not make idle threats. His father was pointedly not listening to the conversation. His father was yet to wish him a happy birthday, in fact. Thadecus Force treated his son like a necessary inconvenience. While Sebastian knew his mother loved him on some level, he had never been led to believe that his father cared for him at all.
Sebastian was well aware that he was an embarrassment to his parents. He was not the son they had imagined they would have, and his attaining majority was not met with the rambunctious joy of other royal houses.
“I want cake, Father,” he said, as unlikely as the plea was to have any effect.
“I want cake, Father…” Someone further down the table mimicked him, mocking him on his birthday, of all days. His father, predictably, ignored him. The king, of course, was being served a very large slice of birthday cake, festooned with cream and assorted sweets.
Sebastian had recently overheard a conversation regarding his status as a full adult, held between his parents and their advisors behind closed doors.
“If only he were a girl, we could have married him off years ago,” his mother was lamenting.
“He would make a better bride than groom,” his father agreed. “Given his tastes and proclivities.”
Everybody in the room laughed, leaving Sebastian suffused in shame. He had never made his predilection for men public, but everybody seemed to have always known.
It was not a good thing for a man to have lusts for other men, at least, not if he wanted to be the recipient of both attention and cock. It was widely considered that such men were weak, and so Sebastian denied his desires at every turn, not that it made any difference. The rumors persisted, even though he was just barely twenty-one and in a position to act on any carnal desires.
Despite being crown prince, Sebastian knew very well that he was a huge disappointment. His father intended to stay on the throne forever, and there were even whispers of rumors that the wills and edicts had been changed to allow Sebastian’s mother to assume the throne before Seb. Sebastian did not care about any of that, but he did care about the fact he was being denied his own fucking birthday cake.
He slumped back in his chair, folded his arms over his chest, and did not bother to even attempt to refrain from a shameful display of sullen impudence. If they were going to treat him like a boy on this, the very day celebrating his manhood, then he would not bother to partake in the charade.
