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The abortion freshman year was the best choice for us. Just seeing where we are now, both successful and thriving, we couldn’t have done that with a child. Not that children are bad, but we weren’t ready. We had dreams to achieve, and we’re doing that. Not only would it be unfair to us, but it would definitely be to a child.
I know what it’s like to be a regret to a mother.
I should be living it up. I should fall back into bed with him, enjoy my fucking self, because why not? Why can’t I have what I want? I have been so focused on my grades, making sure my GPA is perfection, and setting myself up to have a future that I earned. I won’t have to live like my mom did, struggling and looking for a man to love and support me. No, I can do it my fucking self. I have worked my ass off in the gym, overcoming injury and mental blocks so I can do what I love. I have earned the choice to have Benson, but I’m terrified.
Because I could fall… Oh, I could fall. Hard.
Which is why I haven’t dated anyone for years. When I walked away from Benson, I think a part of my heart stayed behind. I’m unsure if I left it there or if I misplaced it, but I have had no desire for anyone since him.
It was so easy for him, though. He moved on, has been living a great life, and now… Now, I’m a dumbass. I shouldn’t have asked him to do this. I should have just picked up some rando from my comments section. Though, I know my project wouldn’t be as successful as it is now.
No, its success is because of Benson. Because of us. Together.
I clear the emotion away from my throat when I notice that Nati is staring at me, waiting for a response. “Sounds great. I’ll see if I can get him in a leo,” I jeer, and she grins.
“Now that will bring in the numbers,” she laughs, and I can’t help but agree.
Benson in a leotard?
Lord, we’d need to put that NSWF image up for sale.
We’d make millions.
Hell, I’d be one to contribute.
I snicker to myself as I walk out the back of the marketing building, where my car is parked. I have it worked out with school security and the dean to be able to park in the back of buildings, so I’m unbothered. I drive toward the gymnastics house, and when I round the building to enter through the back, I notice Callie’s car parked at the curb in front of the house. A grin moves across my lips at the anticipation of seeing my best friend. I see her every day, but I love her and miss her all the time. Once I park, I gather my things and head in, greeting the girls who are in the kitchen, but not seeing Callie.
“Is Callie here?” I ask, and Miley nods as she slides a scoop full of scrambled eggs onto her plate.
“Yeah, she’s upstairs.”
Ugh, she’s in my room. I mutter a thanks before I hightail it upstairs. And when I throw the door open, I see what I suspect.
Callie cleaning.
“You’re a raccoon, Cameron! Why in the hell do you have sixteen bottles of washed-out almond milk containers?”
I groan loudly. “Callie, don’t clean! I need those. I am saving them for the STEM center. I just haven’t made it over there!”
She grudgingly pulls each one out of her big black trash bag that I assume she brought with her. “This is why I was hesitant to move in with Evan. While I enjoy having sex without having to make sure you’re not coming home, leaving you here alone means you live in filth!”
I shoot her a look. “It’s not filth, it’s controlled chaos.”
She mirrors my look. “Filthy chaos! When was the last time you did laundry?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. The washer is on the fritz downstairs, and I don’t want to go to the laundromat.”
She doesn’t push me further since she knows people tend to bother me when I go places. “While I love that you’re an influencer, I hate how much it affects your life. Get an apartment, Cameron. Please. Or come move in with me and Evan.”
I scoff at that. “No way in hell am I moving in with you. I have five more months of school, and then I’m out of here.”
“Which only furthers my point of moving out of here and staying with us. Or hell, go stay with the Adlers. They have a pool house. Fully furnished.”
I give her a look. “While they are kind and I adore them, I don’t know them well enough to live in their pool house. That’s weird.”
