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I know for a fact that, no matter the space—a kitchen or a boardroom or even a rink—Elli can command it. But right now, she is totally in love with her grandbabies. With one on each hip, she grins widely at us. On the left is Posey’s son, Zac, looking every bit like his daddy and so chunky! On her right is Shelli’s son, Fitz, and all I see is Aiden Brooks. Unlike Zac, he isn’t chunky with rolls, but I can tell he likes the breast milk. I can’t get over how damn cute these kids are.
“Mom, I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Cameron,” Benson says, and Elli beams at me.
“Oh, what a blessing,” she gushes. “I always had hope you two would reconnect.”
My heart swells as Benson winks at me. “Thank you for having me.”
“Oh, my love, you’re always welcome!”
Her excitement and love are contagious and leave me so full of happiness. Benson lets me go to walk over to the boys, and my heart stops swelling, going still in my chest.
“Hey, Fitzy and Zaccy,” Benson coos, tickling the boys. They squeal and giggle happily, and an ache forms in my chest. A deep one. It takes my breath away as he blows raspberries on their cheeks. He makes faces at them to make them smile, and they laugh so hard, the whole room joins in.
Benson would be a great dad.
With that thought, the room fades away as I go to war with myself. I took this from him. My choice to abort the pregnancy took away his chance to be a dad. He would have been a great dad; I knew that before I even saw him with the boys. Though, he didn’t want to have a child either. We weren’t ready. But the evidence is right here. He loves kids.
How could he truly ever love me when I took that gift from him?
But he agreed. He supported me.
What if he did that because he’s a good dude?
But he said it was the best choice.
I swallow past the lump that’s forming in my throat as my stomach goes sour. I hear Benson say my name, but I’m lost in my thoughts until he squeezes my hand. I blink a few times, looking up at him as his eyes search mine. “I lost you, eh?” he says softly, and his eyes never leave mine. “What’s wrong?”
I feel everyone’s gazes on me, and I shake my head quickly, unable to put into words what is firing off like mad in my head. “Nothing. Just overwhelmed by how darn cute these two are!” I play off, but Benson knows I’m lying. I feel his eyes on me, but I ignore it, meeting Elli’s gaze.
He wraps his arms around me, and Elli beams at me. “Cameron, it’s so good to see you on my Benny’s arm.”
Benson wraps his arm tighter around my waist. “She looks pretty damn great here, eh?”
“Way better than legs wrapped around your waist in front of our neighbors,” Shea throws from the doorway, and everyone laughs but me. “Pretty sure we’ll be getting complaints.”
They’re all laughing, but I can’t. I gotta reel in these feelings, these thoughts. I gotta get control. I gotta protect myself, because he can’t love me. He can’t. Why would he? I need to run. I gotta get out of here.
I frantically look for Callie, but then, out of nowhere, Benson’s lips move against the shell of my ear. “Cameron.”
Just my name.
“Breathe.”
I draw in a deep breath, and he kisses the top of my ear. “Again.”
I do as he asks, before against my ear, he says, “Get out of your head.”
I turn my head, our cheeks meeting before I tip my head back to look up at him. His eyes are no longer filled with excitement but uneasiness. Our eyes lock, and my heart aches in my chest as his eyes search mine. “I’m sorr—”
“Nope,” he says roughly, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t. Not here,” I whisper, and I can see the struggle in his eyes.
He leans his lips against my ear once more. “Okay, I’ll try to be patient. But you have to promise me, when your brain starts ganging up on you and you start spiraling, you squeeze my hand three times.”
My brows knit. “Three times?”
“Yeah, it’s a calming technique,” he tells me, and I chance a glance around the kitchen. No one is watching us. They’re all talking and joking. Like they usually do. Well, except for Ava. She’s just sitting there like a bump on a log, looking bored and out of place. I almost want to focus on that drama to get out of my own, but that’s not fair. I can’t deflect; I can’t ignore what is going on inside me. Benson and I are doing adult things. Like communicating.
