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“Nah. I’m not as high profile as some of the other guys. I just do my thing.”
“Do you like it? I mean...is it everything you thought it would be?”
He considers. “It’s different than I thought it would be. The travel’s intense. But yeah, I do like it. You want to think you could do it, you know? Get to the highest level and hang there for a certain number of years. But to prove it and do it...it feels good. Means a lot to my parents. Especially my dad.”
At least they have one son they can be proud of. The Hogans were as shocked by what happened as I was. But Ben...he’s rock solid.
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Never.”
“Me either.”
The sun is dipping lower now, only half of it visible above the horizon. Sunsets here are spectacular. I’ve started running through ideas for other places I’d like to watch the sunset someday.
Alaska and Iceland for sure. And more beachy places like Hawaii.
“You know it had nothing to do with you, right?” Ben asks.
I snap out of my sunset daydream. “Hmm?”
“His infidelity. I know we aren’t talking about him, but you know it wasn’t because you’re lacking in any way, right?”
He’s a few feet closer to me now. I let my mind go to the place I’ve been actively shutting out.
“I know. And it probably wasn’t the first time. If his little blond assistant thinks she’s got something worth having, that’s on her.”
“She doesn’t compare to you.”
I step back, my skin tingling with awareness as he slowly approaches. My back bumps into the wall of the pool, locking me in place.
“Can I call you when I need a self-confidence boost?” I crack.
“You can call me anytime.”
He means it. Ben is the best kind of man, and his loyalty to me has my insides feeling molten right now. I’m just an average Midwestern woman, but he makes me feel like an absolute goddess.
“I’m glad this happened,” I say, breathless. “I see things so much more clearly now. What I want as a twenty-six-year-old woman is different from what I wanted at fifteen.”
“What do you want now?” His tone is low as he moves closer, still underwater up to mid-chest.
“I want...a real man. Someone strong and faithful. Someone who sees all of me and lets me see all of him.”
He’s right in front of now, so close I can see the water droplets on his dark eyelashes.
“You deserve that.”
Swallowing hard, I let the wine keep making my decisions. It’s gotten me this far. I reach for him, sliding my arms around his neck. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, but then he slides his arms around my waist. I wrap my legs around his waist, the feel of him making me gasp.
God, it’s good. Just this. My pulse is pounding and my core is throbbing just from this embrace.
It has to be something. This has to be something to him, too.
I slide my fingers up into his hairline, my fingertips winding through his wet hair. His breath brushes over my lips as he leans his forehead against mine. It feels sublime, and I should stay still and soak it in, but the wine made me bold and I keep pushing the limit. I tighten the hold of my legs around his hips, feeling his erection against me.
We both groan softly. I’ve never felt so completely undone by an embrace. Nothing exists outside of this cocoon we’re wrapped in. I’m so turned on that grinding against him this way will make me come quickly if I’m not careful.
I know it would feel amazing, but it would end the bliss of this moment, and I want this to last longer. I need it.
“We can’t,” he whispers against my lips, his tone loaded with regret.
And just like that, he cuts the invisible tie he’d wrapped around the two of us. The warmth and longing and deliciousness of the moment are just...gone, and I’m suddenly embarrassed.
“I need to go use the bathroom,” I say.
He moves away, deliberately looking at anything but me now. And I’m grateful, because I suddenly feel very sober and very naked.
I rush up the pool stairs, grabbing my bag and my towel, and head for the French doors that lead to the pool house.
Once I’m inside, alone and out of sight, I take a deep breath and dry myself off, tears springing to my eyes.
What the hell am I doing? Did I just make a fool of myself?
No. That wasn’t just me. He’s the one who looked at me like I’m a gourmet meal. He approached me.
But he’s right. Of course, he’s right. I dry off, take a quick shower and dress in cutoff shorts, a T-shirt and flip flops. I was engaged to another man a week ago. I can’t get drunk and fuck his brother’s brains out in Maui.
