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I knew it was dangerous thinking Logan would get us both out of here, but when he was like this, I couldn’t help it. The constant fear was exhausting and hope was all I had left. I think my mind gave me hope on purpose to keep me sane. If I lost hope then I’d lose myself.
He left me for several hours and returned at dusk with an outfit in hand. I knew what it was for. Tonight was his fight. He’d told me he was fighting against a guy who’d never been defeated. He also told me there was a big dinner party planned afterward. One that would be like the first time I’d entered Raul’s compound.
He laid the outfit, or lack of, on the bed then held out his hand, a piece of jewellery hanging from his fingers. It was just like what I’d seen the other girls wear—a collar. “Come here, Emily.”
I rose and walked toward him, my heart pounding as I stared at the silver necklace.
“Turn around.” I did. “This will protect you from the other men. You belong to me. They will know that.” He pushed my hair aside then reached around, and I felt the coldness of the collar as it settled on my skin. “There’s things you won’t want to see tonight.” I put my hand up and touched the intricate silver links that weaved around my neck. It was beautiful and yet … this place and the meaning the collar represented made it ugly. He turned me around and placed his hand under my chin. “You must submit completely to me. If you do anything …” His hand dropped, and he strode away and began pacing back and forth across the room, his hands shoved inside his front pockets. It was rare Logan looked uneasy and perturbed. He was always steady and certain of himself.
He looked different tonight—nervous. Could he be worried that he’d be defeated? “You must do exactly as I tell you.”
I nodded. “I know.” Behaving was imperative as Logan had told me some of Raul’s top buyers were going to be present. What I didn’t know was who they were buying, and I was terrified it would be me.
He stopped pacing then stalked toward me and grabbed my arm. “Do you? Emily, you have no idea the fuckin’ shit that goes on here.” He let me go, and I staggered backward until the backs of my knees hit the bed. I sat. “I will do nothing—nothing, if you make a mistake. I will let you go.”
A shiver ran through me at his words. “I know.” And I did. What I didn’t know was why he was telling me this. The emotionless cold had been wiped from his face. A part of the man I once knew and loved stood in front of me again. It made my insides coil and spring toward him then spring back as if afraid to feel that assurance.
Logan gave an abrupt nod. “One slip and you’ll disappear.”
“Are you … are you selling me tonight?” Fear escalated through my body when he remained silent. God, what if he was getting rid of me?
He sat beside me and laid his hand on the edge of the bed over top of mine. I inhaled sharply and stiffened while looking at him.
“If I lose the fight …” I knew what that meant, and my body started shaking. “I plan to win. But tonight will push your limits. Don’t think for one second it won’t.”
The image of the girl flashed before my eyes, her being fucked from behind, Alfonzo laughing and watching. Would he make me do that? Would I be subjected to being fucked in front of a room full of strangers?
“Will you … will you give me to others to … fuck?”
Oh God, I couldn’t do it. What if another man wanted to touch me? Was that allowed? Would Logan give me to him?
“Look at me.”
I couldn’t. Suddenly the images became a movie reel, and my mind started thinking up the worst possible scenarios … I couldn’t do this. I was going to be auctioned off and never be found again. The collar around my neck started to tighten, choking me, strangling every breath.
Logan placed his hands on either side of my head, the pressure harsh as he forced me to acknowledge him. “Pull yourself together. You have to do this. You have no choice.”
I shook my head back and forth. I couldn’t be sold. I could handle Logan; I could be here with him, but the fear of the auction sat like a churning rusted chain in my stomach. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Don’t make me go. Don’t make me.” All his warnings, his rules went through the floor. “Don’t make me. Please.” Tears streamed down my face, and with the pads of his thumbs he wiped them away.
“Emily.”
“Please. I’ll stay here. Leave me here. I’ll be good. I’ll kneel. I’ll do whatever you want. Tie me up, blindfold me. Just don’t make me go.”
His voice was controlled and firm as he said, “I can’t. Raul wants you there, so if I lose …”
He didn’t finish the sentence. I cried for who I’d become, this weak woman. I detested myself for loving a man that was saving me from Raul by keeping me, and I detested myself for hating that same man who was destroying my dignity.
His fingers weaved into my hair. “There’s no other way.”
“Why? Why me? I loved you.” My voice rose, “I loved you.” I sobbed the words, my breaking point crushing the calm, protective wall I’d carefully built around myself.
Logan stormed to his feet, walked to the other side of the room, and punched his fist into the wall. Blood dripped down the back of his hand as he turned back. Then he came straight for me. Terror pushed me to react against what I knew could get me punished and I ran for the door.
My hands curled around the doorknob just as Logan grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around. He pulled me in hard so I was crushed against his chest. His mouth slammed onto mine, a rumbled groan escaping him as he curled me into him. His kiss was possessive and unbreakable; he was taking what had become his and yet giving me back the part of him I’d once known.
