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My dad's going to be fine. The rest of my family is going to be fine. At least my immediate blood family. I need to get back to Chicago and make sure my family with Crew, Nathan, and Danielle is equally stable.
I have a niggling feeling things aren’t completely fine there. I'm restless. I've been in Decatur for three days and have only been checking in with them sporadically. Nathan tells me that Crew is feeling a lot better, and that Dani has stopped Googling everything she can find about concussions and heart attacks. At least when she’s around him. She probably does it at the bookstore.
Still, it feels strange to be apart from them.
"I told Danielle that you will be coming home soon."
I look over at my mother. "What?"
She's picking at her sandwich and watching me. "When she texted today, I told her that I thought you would be coming home soon. Maybe tomorrow."
"Danielle texted you today?"
"She's been texting me every day. And she sent me and your father those gorgeous flowers.”
She points to the arrangement that’s sitting in the middle of the dining room table. It’s beautiful and sweet and colorful and instantly looks like something Dani would pick out.
“She also sent us some soup and dinner rolls and salad from our favorite place today. It will be perfect for dinner tomorrow after you go home.”
I swallow. I haven’t said anything about going home tomorrow, but a big part of me wants to. Now hearing that Dani’s been communicating and checking in with my mom, I want to even more.
“She’s been in touch every day." My mom pauses. "And she’s been asking about you."
"She didn't need to do that. I've been texting updates."
"Don't act like she’s bothering me, Michael Joseph," my mother scolds. "I’d want you to be with someone who would check in and I love hearing from her. She's also keeping me updated on Crew’s recovery. And she sent me a couple of book recommendations when I asked. I was bored sitting in the waiting room."
I let that all sink in. Danielle and my mother have been in touch. That doesn't feel strange. I want my family to develop a connection to her. Of course, Dani checked in with her. My girl is sweet and loving. I feel my shoulders relax a little.
"But Ihavebeen keeping them updated," I say. I don't want my mom to think that I've been blowing my girlfriend and her boyfriends—my best friends—off.
"Yes. But what did you say in your texts?" My mother asks. Her tone indicates that she has her ideas already.
"That I'm fine. That dad's fine. That everything is fine."
"So you told the woman that you love, that you’ve chosen as a life partner, that you’re “fine” after your father's heart attack."
I frown and look down at my own sandwich. "I am fine. And he's fine."
"And you have nothing more to share with her? No other feelings? No details?"
"I don’t know how much I should be leaning on her. She’s not just mine." I'm as surprised as anyone that I admitted that out loud to my mother.
"There it is," my mother says. She leans to set her plate on the side table. "Is that why she isn't here, Michael? Because she’s not just yours?”
"Crew got hurt." I know she knows this.
"So, she thought he needed her more."
I nodded. "Yes. And he probably did. He always will," I say. I take a breath. This is my mother. She knows me very well. If I don't say the rest of what I'm thinking, she’ll know I'm holding back. "If his dad had a heart attack, and I got injured, she'd go to him," I say. "Because Crew does need her more." I meet my mother's eyes. "So does Nathan."
My mother doesn't seem surprised by this. "Do you feel like you come in third place?"
I sigh and set my plate next to hers. I lean my forearms onto my knees and decide to be fully honest. "I think she loves us all equally. And she needs us equally for different things. But we all need her too. Nathan’s never had love and acceptance the way Dani gives it to him. Crew’s never had a woman who wants him for him. Not his money or fame or looks, but just truly him. He can really be himself with her. They both can. And this sweetheart of a woman loves them with all she's got.” I’m quiet for a moment. “They need her because of that.”
“And you don't need her as much?"
I look at her. "I've been surrounded by love and accepted for who I am all my life. I chose Dani because she's amazing, I love her for who she is, but…I don't need her like they do and…” I have to clear my throat to finish. “I want to marry her.”
