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I hate that I’ve made her feel this way.
“Hey, Cass. Can we go somewhere? Talk a little?” I ask, my voice raspy.
She sighs, her shoulders slumping. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Tyler. You have a lot you need to think about, and I doubt my being there is going to help you make a clear decision.”
“Come with me. Go get some shoes on and let’s get out of here for a little bit.”
As she steps inside and slides on a pair of shoes, my heart starts to race. All I’ve been able to think about all day is what’s going to happen between us when I go back out on tour. Losing Cassie isn’t an option, but the alternative terrifies me.
I’m still not enough for her. I don’t know if I can ever be the kind of man that she needs in her life. For the next year, I’m going to be gone more than I’m home. There’s going to be so many chances to slip up. I could fall back into my old life and ruin everything I have with her.
I won’t know unless we try.
“Where are we going?” she asks as we get in the car.
“The beach.”
She nods and leans back in the seat as I back out of her driveway. I grip the wheel until my knuckles are white. My stomach twists and turns itself into tight knots. I still have no clue how I’m going to say what I need to.
The ride to the beach is silent except for the music playing softly in the background. Cassie stares out the window, her hands clasped together in her lap. Everything about her body language is stiff as I park the car and we get out.
“Why are we out here?” Cassie asks, her hands in the pockets of her leggings. “There’s no way that you thought about what you really want that quickly. I know you, Tyler. It takes you weeks to decide what shirt to buy before a big event.”
“I didn’t need to think about what I wanted. I know what I want.”
The waves crash against the shore as we head for the little cove. Cassie climbs up the rocks and takes a seat. As I climb up beside her, she tilts her head back to look at the stars.
“You know what you want?” she asks, her voice breaking. “Because it didn’t sound that way earlier. You don’t have to be a puppet for the label; you know that, right?”
I nod and swing my legs, kicking my heels against the rock. “You never were. Even back in the days when you did party with us, you never went as crazy. The label wanted you to be making headlines and you were just having a good time. You knew when to quit.”
She shrugs. “It isn’t that hard to do. Know your limits when it comes to what you are and aren’t willing to do for a career, Tyler.”
“I’m not willing to lose you, Cassie. I don’t want to lose you. I know that they want me to act like I’m single, but that’s not going to happen. I want to be with you. I don’t know what that’s going to look like on tour, but I know what I want.”
“Tyler, you don’t have to decide right now, you know that, right? You can take time to think about this if you need to.”
I reach out and take her hand, lacing my fingers with hers. “I know what I want, Cassie. I know what I’ve always wanted. I’ve just spent the last eight years being too stupid to come chasing after you.”
“And what’s that going to look like when you’re on tour?” Cassie’s voice wavers as her hand squeezes mine tight. “I want this to work too, but I need to know that you aren’t going to break my heart the first chance you get.”
“Come with me on tour. Or fly out whenever you can. Either way. I want you there with me.” My words come out in a rush as my pulse pounds in my ears. “Whatever you think we need to do to make this relationship work, I want to do it.”
She looks at me with wide eyes. “Are you sure?”
“I know this is a lot for both of us, but I’m sure. I want to be with you.”
Her smile makes my heart skip a beat. I cup her face with one hand, leaning in to kiss her soft and slow. Her kiss combined with the scent of her perfume wrapping around me is addictive.
I could stay right here forever and die a happy man.
CHAPTER 17
CASSIE
Ibounce around in the greenroom, trying to shake off the nerves. After my makeup was finished by the artist a few minutes ago, it really hit me. Tonight is the night of Gilded Cage’s hometown show. The arena is packed. Thousands of people are going to be sitting out there and watching me play.
For the first time in eight years, I’m going to be performing in front of a crowd again. I feel like I’m going to be sick. My stomach rolls like a boat in a storm. There’s no way that I’m not going to throw up at least once tonight.
