AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Ava nods. “I saw all those thank you notes from the Cancer Trust.”
“Yeah. After my mom died, I donated everything I had to cancer charities. I sold nearly all my possessions and dedicated myself to donating as much money as possible by selling stocks and shares. It became my new ambition. But I couldn’t bring myself to sell the family home. Lincoln and I had such a great childhood there, and it reminds me of my mom. And my dad. Even if now it’s just a big, lonely mansion.”
“I’m sorry, Nash,” Ava says sadly.
I shake my head. “I don’t deserve your pity, Ava. What I did was awful. It was selfish and greedy and cruel. My mom deserved so much better. And so did Lincoln.”
No matter how much money I give away, nothing will bring my mom back. I miss her like crazy—and I’d do anything to see her one last time. To tell her how much I love her and how fucking sorry I am.
“Listen, Nash, I know what you did was wrong,” Ava says, squeezing my hand. “You couldn’t face what was happening to your mom and so your coping mechanism was to pretend everything was fine. But you’re not that person anymore. It’s been ten years, and you’ve done so much to try and make things right. You can’t punish yourself forever. You can’t isolate yourself from the world because of your past. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want that.”
I know she’s right. My mom would want me to be happy no matter what. But it’s hard to feel like I deserve happiness when I let her and Lincoln down so badly.
“Thank you, Ava,” I say, stroking the soft skin of her hand. “I’ve never talked about this with anybody before. I guess I’m just too damn good at pretending shit isn’t happening.”
“Well, maybe it’s time to face it all. It’s a new year…a new beginning. Maybe you should finish that letter to your brother. Try to reach out.”
“Yeah. I’ve been trying to do that for ten years, but I can’t find the words. Nothing I say will make things right. Linc hates my guts.”
“You don’t know that,” Ava insists. “Ten years is a long time, Nash. Maybe he misses you too.”
I’ve never let myself even dare to hope that Lincoln could want me in his life. Even if I manage to write a letter, I’m sure he won’t reply. He doesn’t owe me shit. But Ava’s right. That’s no reason not to try. It’s no reason to leave the letter unwritten and pretend none of it is happening. It’s time for me to pull myself together and write the damn thing.
“I’ll write him a letter,” I tell Ava. “I’ll find the words somehow.”
“Maybe I could help?”
She looks at me sweetly, and I feel a rush of affection for her that nearly takes my breath away. What did I do to deserve this angel?
“Thank you,” I say, rounding the table to pull her into a hug. “You’re fucking amazing, you know that?”
I feel her lips curve into a smile against my cheek as I squeeze her tight. I’ve spent so long hiding from the world, lost in self-hatred and self-pity, trying to block out the past. It turned me cold and bitter. But Ava has reawakened my heart. She makes me want to be a better man—a man who’s worthy of her. And even if I don’t believe I could ever be good enough for Ava, well fuck, I have to try. She deserves it. She deserves the whole damn world.
9
Ava
I watch from the passenger seat of Nash’s truck as he gets out and walks toward the mailbox in the center of Winterdale. He spent the whole morning working on his letter to Lincoln. I helped where I could and stopped him from tossing countless drafts into the fire. The finished letter is so heartfelt and full of regret that I cried a little when I read it. I just hope Lincoln will respond.
Now that I know about Nash’s past, I care about him more than ever. He trusted me enough to show me the most broken, miserable parts of himself. I feel like I understand him. I understand why he’s spent so long shutting himself away. He hates himself for neglecting his mom and letting his brother down, and even though he treated them badly, I believe in second chances. New beginnings. Nash deserves to be happy. He’s spent long enough punishing himself, and what better time to start over than January 1st?
I watch as he stops in front of the mailbox, staring at it for a moment before he finally mails the letter. Then he turns back toward me, gesturing at me to wait a moment before he starts walking toward the square. The giant tree is still covered with wishes, and I watch as Nash heads straight past it until he’s out of sight. He’s back a moment later, holding something. As he gets closer, I realize it’s the bear I won last night. It must have still been sitting on the bench where we left it. I grin at Nash as he gets into the truck, setting the bear in the space between us.
“You forgot this,” he says. “He’s pretty wet from all the snow, but once he’s dried out in front of the fire, he’ll be good as new.”
I grin at him. “Thank you.”
Nash shrugs, his eyes fixed on the mailbox. “No problem. I’m the one who should be thanking you. I’ve been trying to write that letter for ten years, but I never had the courage to mail it.”
I reach for Nash’s hand, his skin rough beneath my palms as I squeeze tightly.
“I’m proud of you.”
Something flickers in Nash’s green eyes, and his lips twitch into a smile. “Thanks, sugar.”
“I was thinking…” I say, “Maybe you could move into the vacation cabin? Your house obviously has some difficult memories for you. Maybe living in the cabin would make you feel better.”
Nash nods slowly, starting the truck. “I’ve considered it before. I just hate the idea of leaving the house empty. Letting it rot. It kind of feels like I’d be letting my mom down all over again. And the thought of selling it…shit, I don’t know. I probably should, but it’s hard to let go.”
