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He nodded his thanks.“Courtesy of my son.”
“Very generousof him considering the way you treated him.” The words were outbefore she realized it. “I apologize- “
“No.” Heshook his head, looking up as Hilda wheeled in the tray.
“We’llserve ourselves, Hilda.” His intimate smile at the woman hadAllison’s radar going up. So, not just a housekeeper, but alover as well.
Silas waited untilthe woman had left and closed the door behind her. “Here yougo.” He handed her the bowl and the scent of the stew had herdrooling. The woman had also added loaves of homemade bread andbetter and jam.
“You wereapologizing and I won’t have it.” He stared into thebowl, a frown touching his brow, before scooping up some and taking aswallow. He chewed and swallowed before smiling at her, the sadnesson his lined face evident.
“I treated myonly child abominably. There’s no other word for it and I haveno excuses.” Putting the spoon down, he clasped his handstogether and stared across the room. “Margaret, my wife and Iwere childhood sweethearts.”
A smile crossed hislips. “She was beautiful, the most beautiful girl I’dever seen. She had dark green eyes and reddish-brown hair and skinthe color of alabaster.
She’d blush atany little thing. I never thought she’d even look twice of me.”He looked at Allison as if just remembering that she was there. “Butwe hit it off and, from then on, we became a couple. She was from theuptown area and I was from a humble neighborhood, but I swore tomyself that I was going to be worthy of her.”
He took anotherspoonful of the stew. “She loved books and always wanted to bea librarian. I was very good with figures and wanted to be anaccountant. We had our lives all worked out. We’d go to collegeand afterwards, we were going to get married and wait a little beforestarting a family.”
Allison felt theanger inside her melting as she noticed the tortured expression onthe man’s face. “There was some resistance at first fromher family. She was Irish, or at least, her Mom was and they wantedmore for her. But Margaret, my darling, was stubborn and she wasgoing to have her own way.”
He took anotherspoonful and brought it to his mouth. “We were married as soonas we finished studying and rented a tiny apartment in town. We wereso excited to start our lives together. We’d scout out antiquestores to see what we could find.”
When he picked up theglass of water, she noticed his hand was shaking slightly.
“We’dgone several years when we decided it was time for us to start thefamily. She didn't tell me there was a risk involved with her gettingpregnant. It was after she’d miscarried three times, that Irealized she wouldn’t be able to carry a baby full term.
It broke her heart,but I wouldn’t hear of her risking her life to carry a child, Iwas firm on it. After numerous arguments she reluctantly decided toshelve the idea. I started using protection, but it was not somethingeither of us wanted.”
He took a swallow ofwater before putting the glass down. “She told me she was onsomething and I believed her. It wasn’t until she was pregnant,that I realized that she’d been lying. I begged her toterminate the pregnancy, but she wouldn’t hear of it.
She wanted a babymore than anything else, and she promised to be careful. The doctorsmonitored her and we thought that everything would be okay.”The tears were swimming in his eyes now and he did nothing to stopthem.
“She was inlabor for three days and, in the end, she bled out. The baby washealthy and strong, but she was gone. My beloved Margaret had diedgiving birth to our son. I got drunk for three straight days.,”The tears were sliding down his cheeks and Allison felt the pitysettling deep inside her chest. She couldn’t imagine what he’dgone through.
“And I took itout on the boy. On my son. I blamed him for causing her death. Ibecame a mean drunk who couldn’t bear to see his own son. Ihated Nash, wanted him gone, so I wasn’t reminded that Margaretwas gone.” Picking up a napkin, he dabbed at his face. “I’msorry, I didn’t mean to blabber like this.”
“I’m agood listener.” She could feel the tears at the back of hereyes. It was a tragic story all around. She’d been angry whenshe saw the scars on him, but now hearing the full story, she couldat least try and understand why it happened. She couldn’tcondone it, but she understood the awful pain he’d experienced.
“Have you triedto explain to Nash what you went through?”
He shook his head ashe tried to compose himself. “Several times. He doesn’twant to hear any of it.”
“Can you blamehim?” She had finished the stew and started on the bread. “Youadmitted you placed the blame squarely on a baby’s tinyshoulders. He had to grow up with the knowledge that his Mom was deadbecause he was alive. Can you for one second imagine what that did tohis psyche? To his emotions?”
Silas shook his head.“I’m not trying to give an excuse-
“You’retrying to reason it out. You did what you did to an innocent childand now you have some sort of clarity, you can’t come to gripswith what you did.”
He gave her a wrylook. “Are you always this blunt?”
She shrugged hershoulders and smiled at him. “I’ve been told that mymouth is going to get me in trouble one day. Your son and I have hadsome flare ups since I started working there.”
He gave her acontemplative look as he sipped his water. “You light up whenyou mention his name.”
“I certainly donot.” She busied herself with her napkin and the utensils asshe avoided his eyes.
“You’rein love with him.” He shook his head as her head jerked up.“Your secret is safe with me. Does he know?”
