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Blake turns to me, crossing her arms over her chest, a combative look marking her features. “You won’t like what I have to say next, but I’m afraid you need to hear it.”
I frown. “Can we leave the store before you give me a pep talk? My feet hurt and I could use a smoothie.”
“Sure.”
We drop our scans back at the cash desk, telling the shop assistant we’ll finish the registries another time, and head to the juice bar across the street.
I order a Tropical Sunset while Blake goes for a Bold Blueberry shake. Drinks in hand, we sit at one of the tiny, round wooden tables by the window overlooking the busy Manhattan neighborhood.
I take a sip of fresh, healthy, restoring juice and sigh. “Okay, let’s hear it.”
“It’s nothing you don’t already know. Just something you’ve conveniently chosen to ignore.”
“Such as?”
“That whether you like it or not, you and John are in a relationship.”
“Yeah, a platonic, co-parenting relationship. What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to depend on anyone to be a mother. Before I can even consider getting involved with someone, especially John, I need to prove I can do this on my own.”
Blake looks at me as if I’d just declared the Earth is flat.
“Why are you making that face?”
“Because, honey, and I don’t mean this in an offensive way, but you’re not doing anything alone. John has been with you all along. He takes you to doctor’s appointments, buys all your groceries from what you’ve told me, cooks for you every other night, caffeinates you every morning.”
“Half-caffeinates me,” I clarify.
Blake waves my objection off. “He’s the last person you say goodnight to in flirty texts, and he’s the first to wish you a good morning.” She squeezes my hand across the table. “The only thing that’s missing for you two to be in a full-blown relationship is naked time. You think that keeping sex out of the picture will save you from getting involved with John, but that’s not how it works. And if I’m not mistaken, seggs or no seggs, you already have feelings for him. Big, all-encompassing, heart-wrenching feelings,” she concludes.
I shut her words out. I can’t be in love with John again, the mere thought paralyzes me with fear. “He’s helping me out with a few mundane things. It doesn’t mean I couldn’t do it on my own.”
“Not what I’m saying. Of course you could do it all on your own if you chose to, but why would you want to? And what’s the point of keeping John at arm’s length, of missing out on the fun parts of a relationship”—she waggles her eyebrow—“when you’re already so emotionally involved that if he left tomorrow you’d be heartbroken, anyway.”
“I wouldn’t be heartbroken,” I protest.
Blake quirks an eyebrow at me. “So if his ex-wife returned and begged him to take her back, moved in with him and Nora, and they became a family again, you’d be fine with that?”
I drop my gaze, fiddle with the straw of my smoothie, and all but shirk a few inches before answering Blake. “She kind of is back.”
“Wh-aht?” Blake half chokes on her shake and I have to get her a glass of water.
While she soothes her itchy throat, I give her the latest development on John’s ex-wife planning to move to New York.
“And how does that make you feel?”
I don’t like the way my heartbeat becomes slightly tachycardic. Looking intently at my smoothie, I say, “If Nora’s mom wants to spend more time with her daughter, I can only be happy for them.”
Blake scoffs. “Liar, liar, pants on fire. Agree to disagree. I’ll let you stew in your denial until you’re ready to admit the truth.”
“Which would be?”
“That you’re in love with John.”
“Even if I am, I have to think of this baby first.” I bring a protective hand over my belly. “I can’t go all in unless I’m sure John isn’t leaving again.” I flap my hands, exasperated. “And, okay, his ex-wife moving within walking distance is not helping.”
“Honey.” Blake grabs my hand across the table. “What I was trying to say is that you’re past that point. If John left now, you’d be devastated anyway. And not for all the mundane things he does for you; you’ve already sorted out the next eighteen years of that baby’s life.” She points at my round belly. “What you’d miss is the affection, the emotional support, the l—”
“Please don’t say love. I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t want to deal with it now.”
