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Danika: Everyone uses the cloud. Storage is a non-issue
MayTheFrameBeWithYou: Why are you so set on adding this feature?
Danika: Because couples get back together all the time
Danika: “how to get my ex back” is trending on Google
Aha! What should be trending is “how to keep my ex’s paws out of my lady garden”! I sure would’ve found that search more useful.
Danika: Don’t you love a second-chance romance, boss?
MayTheFrameBeWithYou: I created this app, what do you think?
Danika: Fair point, but I still think creating a shadow duplicate and giving users the option to revert to the original would make sense from a business perspective
Unfortunately, she’s right. The deletion not being reversible past some phone’s thirty-day grace period is the number one complaint we get in reviews for our app. And if we’re going to launch a big update we might as well kill two birds with one stone—or fix two bugs with one script.
MayTheFrameBeWithYou: You’re a pain in my API
MayTheFrameBeWithYou: Okay, Dani, you’re in charge of the amendments, coordinate with the team, and let me know if you need anything on my end
Danika: Thank you, boss, I promise you won’t regret this
I already do, but I’m not about to squish youthful enthusiasm to save myself a few headaches. And Danika wouldn’t insist so much without solid data to back her claim. All new hires at The Ex Files get stock options and part ownership of the company. We’re a team in all senses. If she says the extra work makes sense business-wise, it does.
Another aspect I love about the app is the community chat that developed a life of its own. In the chat, people exchange breakup horror stories, comfort one another, and counsel each other. It’s become a hub for all things relationship related.
It’s a very supportive community that’s surprisingly remained troll-free without the need for much policing except for filtering a few select keywords, and message blocking.
I drop my laptop on the carpet and switch to my phone, opening the chat. I log in with my personal account and write a new text under my code name Nea—a not-very-original transposition from The Matrix.
Nea: What do you do when you meet your most-hated ex-boyfriend for the first time in sixteen years?
The first reply is a picture of a T-shirt with the writing “You look 100 per cent better when I can’t see you”, captioned: wear this.
I chuckle.
Nuclea: Sixteen years? Gal, you’re cool. My biology professor told us in class today that all the body’s cells renew completely in seven years. You’ve basically had two new bodies since he touched you last. You’re good.
Great. Now I’ll only have to wait seven more years to permanently remove today’s interaction; that’s good to know.
Musa: Was it a one-off, or is it going to be recurring?
Nea: Possibly recurring
Musa: Then kill them with kindness, hon, there’s no better slight
HGranger: Should we hack his Netflix and delete his entire watch history?
I laugh at that.
Dadi: If you still have his email, you can sign him up for those win-a-cruise sites, they will haunt him to the grave
FarmGirl: You can adopt a slaughterhouse rescue pig and name him after your ex
The following message includes a link. I click on it, check that the pig haven farm is legit, and immediately donate to have a brown and pink piglet named Dr. John Raikes. It’s a small thing, but it gives me a pang of deliciously vindictive satisfaction.
Belle: Hire a street musician to play next to his house all night
