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Take the test
Again, I don’t respond.
The next evening, Friday night, I anticipate him and write to him before he can start harassing me.
To John:
No, I haven’t taken the test. I’ll do it in my own time
Now I’m turning my phone off so don’t bother replying
On Saturday morning, I wake up feeling a little out of it. I’m not immediately sure what it is until I feel the small cramp in my lower belly again.
My period is coming. I’m not pregnant.
I sink back on the bed, my heart racing for no reason as I process the information.
I’m not sad.
Another spasm seizes me, and I feel it more like a pang to the heart than the uterus. Like I’ve lost something, someone.
I put both hands on my belly and try to fight back the tears. “So you weren’t in there after all, my sweet little baby.”
I’m being irrational, emotional. Must be all the hormones I’m still taking and that I can stop ingesting now. I’ll go back to being my normal self. To a babies-of-John’s free life.
Reassuring thoughts, exactly what I need to calm myself, but they do nothing to ease my distress. The weird sensation of loss lingers. My stomach knots in a jumble, and I’m anxious.
A loud pounding at my door makes me jolt. I put on a warm robe and rush downstairs.
From the peephole, I see the last person I needed on my doorstep, especially right now.
I lean against the door. If I don’t make a sound, he’ll go away.
John knocks again.
I don’t move.
Silence ensues.
I’m hoping he’s left when something brushes against my leg, making me squeal. The letterbox.
“Busted,” comes his deep voice from the other side. “Marissa, I know you’re in there. Open up.”
“I don’t want to see you now,” I say in a wobbly voice.
“Why? Did something happen?” The worry in his voice is agonizing.
“No, nothing,” I reply, sounding unconvincing even to myself.
“Marissa, open this door now or I swear I’ll knock it down.”
I fling the door open and face Dr. Relentless on the other side. “What do you want?”
“Did you take the test?”
“No, but I’m not pregnant, so I don’t need to.”
“How do you know you’re not pregnant?”
