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The poor guy looked dejected. It broke my heart to see the toll the show had taken on him so far. He’d been such a lively presence from the beginning, but ever since Leif had been lost, he’d become more and more withdrawn. I really wanted to tell him the truth, but that could hurt him even more. Being feral was almost as bad as death. Maybe even worse. The body still lived, but the mind was shattered and forever lost in a pit of madness. Did J.D. really need to know Leif’s fate?
“You look beautiful tonight,” J.D. said as he rounded the bed to approach.
I glanced down and slid my hands down the dress to straighten any wrinkles. “Oh, this old thing? I threw it on at the last minute. I usually wear this when I mow the lawn back home.”
J.D. laughed, and it was good to hear. It sounded real. It didn’t last long, though. After a minute of awkward silence, he gestured to an oak table. “You want anything? They left a bunch of stuff. Wine or… whatever?”
I shook my head and took a step closer to him. I wasn’t interested in the snacks or booze. “How are you doing, J.D.? Really?”
An obviously fake smile greeted me. “Oh, I’m great. Fantastic. I get to spend the night getting to know you a little better.” He glanced nervously at the bed. “Um, it’s a little weird, though. Like, actually being in here. Where the whole world is expecting you to… uh… you know. It’s sort of uncomfortable. At least, it is for me.”
He couldn’t have looked more anxious if he tried.
“Believe me, I find it just as uncomfortable.” I laughed to relieve some tension. “J.D., you know I didn’t choose you for the mating chamber so we could have sex, right?”
He blinked. “What? Really?”
“Surprised?” I sat down on the bed. “You shouldn’t be. All I wanted was some time alone with you to see how you’re doing. I wanted a night of conversation. Plus…” I chuckled. “I thought you’d like a night away from that alpha den. I’m sure it gets stinky in there. And loud.”
J.D. visibly relaxed and grinned as he sat next to me. “You have no idea. Tate is terrible when he snores. He literally sounds like a lawn mower when he’s asleep. I like Abel, but he talks in his sleep—nonsense stuff, but loud enough to be annoying. The worst snorer was Ryan, but he wasn’t here very long.”
Ryan. Gods, I barely thought about him anymore. The first of the alphas to die. His body, or whatever was left of it, might still be out there somewhere. The first blood spilled, but not the last.
J.D. must have seen something in my face because he put a hand on my forearm. “I want you to know, I don’t think any of the eliminations have been your fault. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I patted the top of his hand. “I know you didn’t. It’s awful to think about.”
“You know, you’re different when the cameras are on, but you’ve always been really nice to me. I hope you end up with someone you really love at the end. You deserve a fated mate who will make you happy. I still can’t believe someone rejected you.”
More guilt gnawed at my heart. None of these men had known they were signing up to get used by not only the showrunners but also the lead mate. When I signed up, I was fine with tossing them all aside to get what I wanted. Between that and how I used to treat Wyatt, whowouldn’treject me? Being here had changed me in ways I never would have believed. I now felt responsible for all the remaining men.
A war waged in my mind. How did I protect and save these men, but also protect and save my family and pack from war? It wasn’t only the wolf packs at risk, either. The last time a war broke out within our species, it spilled over. Humans, witches, fae, other shifter races—all the sentient creatures of the world got swept up in it. I had so much responsibility, so much to worry about. Ihadto get my wish from Heline, but I also had to make sure that whoever was left with me could be safely taken to Haven like the others. If there were others. I still had no clue if our plan for staged eliminations would work.
J.D. frowned. “Are you okay?”
I snapped my gaze to him, shaking off the thoughts that had been pulling me under. “Oh, sorry. Yeah. I was, uh, just thinking about my rejection.”
“Shit. Sorry. Didn’t mean to open old wounds.”
“No problem. Water under the bridge, right? I’m not the only one who never should have been rejected. You got the short end of the stick, too. You’re a great guy, J.D. You deserve to have your special someone.”
To my horror, J.D.’s face crumpled, and his eyes went misty. He tried to nod, then shrugged instead. “Yeah. I just, uh, I didn’t figure out who that special person was until it was too late. I can’t even think about being with someone else. Not when that person is gone, and I never even had the chance to say goodbye.”
Anyone could see he meant Leif. At least, anyone who knew the two men and wasn’t blind. J.D. had obviously begun to develop feelings for the other alpha that Leif hadn’t even noticed. They may have been on the verge of something, and now J.D. thought Leif was gone forever. His heartache was too much for me to bear. I couldn’t let him continue to believe Leif’s corpse was rotting on the island.
I rested a hand on J.D.’s shoulder. “I need to tell you something. About Leif.”
J.D. blinked rapidly, sending a single tear cascading down his cheek to rest on his chin. “What? Oh, gods, were you there when it happened? Did you see him die?”
“Huh?” I shook my head. “No, no, no, he’s not dead, J.D. Wyatt and I saw him out there during the last challenge. He’s feral, but he is most definitely alive.”
J.D. stared at me for several seconds. His eyes grew wider by the second as my words sunk in. “He’s alive?” A disbelieving smile replaced the sorrow on his face.
“Yes, but he is feral. You can’t get your hopes up. You know what that means.”
A shifter going feral was pretty rare. Anyone coming back from that type of madness would be even rarer. There were ancient stories about it, and every few decades, a news story would come out about someone miraculously recovering from it. But for the most part, those poor souls were in for a lifetime of psychosis and rage.
“No, I get that.” He wiped furiously at his eyes. “If he’s alive, then there’s a chance. However small. Holy cow, man, this is awesome news.”
