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The three of them sat silently before nodding, agreeing that I could join.
“Plus, I want a fun night out too! We can get information from them but also have a little fun beforehand. Who knows, we might be running for our lives again tomorrow and look back on tonight wishing we just enjoyed a fraction of it!” I was hoping that they might actually listen to me for once.
“Who are you, and what have you done with Freya?” Tina teased, bouncing to her feet. “You know damn well that I am in for a night out. But I gotta say, Frey-Frey, it’s not like you.”
I knew she was right. But then again, everything felt wrong, like I was meant to continue doing everything against my nature.
This was probably the first time in my life that I wasn’tworried about my career or my rent. The first time, I was forced to do nothing but hopelessly follow people around, and god, did it feel good not to have responsibilities weighing over my head like a shadow.
It just felt different. It was comforting almost. Like I could sit back for once. Perhaps I was in denial about my new life. It was still too soon to really know for sure.
“Well - like you’re always reminding. I need to act my age, and I need to enjoy my life. Or rather, maybe what little life I have left after this week’s been so far.” I scratched my head, a hint of a chuckle seeping from me even though it wasn’t that funny.
Denial seemed more likely now.
Dustin seemed reluctant about venturing out and having a little fun for some reason, wavering on whether it was safe, but soon, he caved and followed us all out as we tiptoed down the spiraling staircase and out the back door. Our little green car looked so pathetic next to the alleyway trash bins and sewage spilling out into the center of the street.
I practically had to clog my nose to keep from vomiting at the scent of piss and throwup, which had come out of what felt like nowhere. I didn’t remember that smell initially, and most certainly didn’t love it. However, it faded to the back of my mind as we strolled towards the loud music and trumpets playing from Bourbon Street, only a few blocks down.
Street performers and bands of men were playing on the edge of the road. There were fortune tellers propped up on little tables and children playing on buckets like drums. It wasn’t glamorous by any means, but it felt different than the typical street performers of New York. It felt like the entire street was alive. Jazz music practically flowed into the openareas, filling it with joy and laughter.
I grabbed Tina’s hand and frolicked down the street, my legs hoisting myself as I jumped energetically like some gazelle in a meadow. And for the first time in what felt like ever, I felt at ease, like I didn’t have the weight of heavy expectations from myself.
Was this how everyone felt? How everyone was able to go out and enjoy their lives? Unfazed by the possible ramifications of it?
My entire life, I had been hyper-focused on not letting myself down, not allowing myself to fall between the cracks and end up with nothing because I grew up with nothing. And now it was so clear to me that I was doing the exact opposite, allowing that fear to cripple me. I wasn’t allowing myself to enjoy life. I was just making sure I had one, which wasn’t enough. That was obvious to me now.
I guess it took almost losing my life to realize whatlittlelife I had.
Once we were far from Oliver and Dustin, who were still a few feet away, Tina stopped me.
Her eyes turned soft and serious, almost as her mouth thinned into a line. “Seriously though, are you okay? You’re acting different.” She caught her breath as if she was afraid she had upset me. “Not that it’s a bad thing, but I just want to be sure you’re okay. That’s all. You’ve been through so much already.”
I felt my cheeks rise, and I smiled. “I’m just oddly enough not stressed. I mean, I used to think the worst thing to happen to me would be losing my job and ending up homeless like every other unwanted, orphaned kid. But now it’s like those fears are totally irrelevant and juvenile. I just -” I knew I sounded crazy.And maybe I was. Perhaps I was still shell-shocked. Or in denial. They were all possible reasons, but it didn’t change how I felt right now, which was excited. A word that rarely described my life. “I just feel like I’m tired of wasting my energy on worrying about things. Especially now. Everything feels different. You know?”
“You’re mildly freaking me out, but I can’t say that I’ve ever seen you look this happy before. So, I guess it’s a good thing.” She was hesitant with her voice, shaded, almost like she was still questioning whether or not to believe me. Not that I could blame her.
“Come on, let’s just have fun before we meet up with Trevor and Sophie?” I beckoned as I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward one of the many bars that lined the street. “Let’s just forget the world is ending, and everything isn’t so crazy. Just for one night?” My eyelashes fluttered as if I thought I could use her tactics. Unsurprisingly, it worked, though I highly doubted it was because of my eyes.
I didn’t focus on the name of the bar we stumbled into, but it differed from the clubs in New York. It was smaller than New York rooms, which really did say something. Instead, it was narrow and long. We had to wedge ourselves through bodies to get to the bar, which was oddly placed to the far right, closer to the back than the front.
“What do you want, Mrs. Party Girl?” Tina teased, probably not expecting what came out of my mouth.
“Tequila shots?” My brow rose, and hers reciprocated the same look of astonishment.
Tina leaned over the bar counter, its epoxy wood shining as what looked like beer stuck to it and illuminated beneath her. I watched as she fluttered her lashes, pulling the man into hergaze and letting his eyes drink her in.
Now that I understood what it was, it felt different to watch. To know this wasn’t just some sexual thrall she had but a power she could wield at her will.
Her lips hovered over his, taunting him with words I couldn’t hear. And then, soon after, her lanky arm pulled over a tray of shots, which the boys seemed to chime in on as they found us.
“I see this is what we’re doing tonight?” Dustin’s brow rose as he inspected the shots. His nose scrunched in distaste as a whiff of tequila flooded all of our noses.
“Tequila, really?” Oliver groaned but didn’t hesitate to grab one of the shots and let it dance under his nose before he made a displeased look. “Well, are we doing this?”
“Only one. Tonight’s goal is still to meet up with Sophie and Trevor, and I don’t need us drunk for that.” Dustin groaned, rolling his eyes at all of us.
We all looked at each other, exchanging a few smiles and giggles as Tina and I grabbed ours. Dustin didn’t seem to want to join in on the fun, his eyes bounced around the room as if expecting the worst to come tumbling out in front of us. So without him, the three of us cheered our shots and downed them to the back of our throats.
