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“Girls, let’s eat,” Ream said knocking on the door.
Kat yanked it open, took a couple steps toward him then leapt. Her legs curled around his waist and her arms around his neck. His hands came under her ass as he staggered, caught off-balance.
“Fuck, Kitkat.”
She kissed him hard on the mouth then leaned back so all her weight was on Ream as she looked at me upside down. “Give him a chance to prove himself.”
“He already has,” I whispered more to myself.
“Who?” Ream asked.
“Nothing. Feed me. I’m starved, pumpkin.” Ream carried her away and I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth then joined them out on the terrace.
I managed to eat a couple pieces of dry toast and nibbled on the scrambled eggs. Crisis sat beside me, and even though there was a good foot between us, I felt as if he was against me. I kept glancing between us with the sense that he’d moved closer, but he hadn’t.
“Sis?”
I jerked my gaze to my brother. “Yeah?”
“What did you do last night? I tried calling to see if you wanted to join us at Avalanche.”
I pushed my plate forward and sat back in my chair. “Went to a karaoke bar with friends.”
“Really?” he replied, his brows lowering. “The same karaoke bar you guys went to?” Ream looked from Crisis and Kite.
I jumped in even though the question was pointed at Crisis and Kite. “Yeah. Crisis came to my school at lunch and my friends convinced him to come along.”
“You went to her school?” Ream asked Crisis, but he wasn’t paying attention. He was looking at his phone scowling.
“Well, Kite, too.” I added. “We were going for lunch.” He was still looking at Crisis, who completely ignored the entire conversation as he scrolled on his cell. “Ream, what’s the big deal? We live together, remember. Crisis is right. You’re like the Terminator.”
Kite choked on his coffee and Kat winced.
God, this was ridiculous. He had this thing about Crisis. I didn’t get it. “And then after the bar we came back here and the three of us fucked all night. We woke up when you texted me, still on the floor naked, not even knowing whose legs were whose because we were still shit-faced.”
Kat coughed, hiding her smile behind her hand, and put her other one on Ream’s, which was curled into a fist next to his plate.
“Do you hear how ridiculous that is? If I want to fuck Crisis, I will, and if I choose not to, I’m capable of telling him to keep his hands off.” Shit, I carried a gun with me and at night slept with it in the drawer of my nightstand. I picked up my plate and stood. “And by the way, I drank until I could barely stand, sang twice, and I don’t remember how I got home. I also woke up on the bathroom floor.”
Ream’s jaw clenched and he didn’t say anything, but what surprised me the most was that Crisis hadn’t said anything and was still on his phone. I shoved away from the table and Crisis raised his head—finally.
“Where you going?”
I grabbed my plate and walked inside. I put the dishes in the sink and leaned my palms on the counter, hanging my head and closing my eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Ream’s voice was soft as he came and leaned against the counter beside me. “This isn’t easy for me. I lost you, Haven. Christ, I thought you were dead and then I get you back and I feel like . . . you’re not really here.”
I raised my head and looked at him. His eyes were filled with pain, expression drawn and haggard. “I’m here.” But he was right. I wasn’t here. Not who he expected anyway.
Ream sighed. “No. You’re not. Not my angel. Not the sister I grew up with. She’s gone. I miss her and I’m fighting to find her, but you won’t let me. You push me away and I’m trying to find a way back in, and my only way is to protect you. To make sure no one hurts you again.” He shifted and crossed his arms. “I want my sister.”
I didn’t want to hurt him. God, I’d do anything not to, but if he kept searching for that girl, it would be forever, because she didn’t exist. I became someone else and he’d have to learn to let go of who I once was.
“That sister, the one you loved, she’s dead, Ream. I can’t give you her. You can love me for who I am now or . . . not.”
“Jesus, I do love you. I always will,” he said quietly. “But, I have no idea who you are anymore.”
No, he didn’t. I didn’t. And telling him that I danced naked with men’s hands all over me, about Charlie, about the backrooms, it wouldn’t make him understand me. All it would do was hurt him. I realized I was slowly running my finger back and forth over the brand on my wrist and he noticed.
The tension sprung from him and I even heard the slight sharp inhale. He put his hand over the brand. “We can get a tattoo artist to—”
I yanked away. “No. I want to be reminded that I survived. I survived and so did you, Ream. We both had horrible, disgusting things done to us. But I’m not the girl you sang to at night. The girl who Gerard raped and fed drugs to.” He flinched and paled. “Do you get that? Because if you don’t, then we’ll never repair. We’ll always be broken.”
“Fuck, Haven.” Ream grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. It’s not easy to stop protecting you. I finally have you back and it would destroy me to see you hurt again. And Crisis . . . I love him, but I know what he’s like and it worries me that you guys spend so much time together. Shit, he has some chick obsessed with him. It’s just bad news.”
