AllFreeNovel
Share Us
11
JAK. “The air conditioner is fixed, it was the contactor,” I said as I walked into the kitchen.
“Well, it doesn’t feel fixed. I’ll call the repairman,” my mother complained as she snuffed her cigarette out.
“Mom, it’s fixed. It’s fine. Close the windows and it’ll be cool in here in a few minutes,” I sighed as I walked to the bathroom.
I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. I felt all of the things I expected to feel with retirement, but reserved hope I wouldn’t. Standing and looking at my reflection, a different man looked back at me. I was tired, lonely, depressed, angry, ashamed, and unwilling to accept my past was coming back to haunt me. I felt mentally mixed up and I was physically ill. Although my mind was a mess, I needed to do my best to mask it and determine just what was going on in my life before something terrible happened.
Something even I could not resolve.
I leaned into the kitchen slightly. My mother remained sitting at the table with the windows still opened and the air conditioning blowing full force.
“Mom, where’s my box of stuff from the old house? The one I kept all my high school stuff in?”
“I put it up,” she snapped.
“Where, mom?” I sighed.
“You don’t need to go digging in that box. Graham’s gone Jak. Don’t go digging him up,” she said softly.
I tried to tell myself I didn’t hear her, but my mind began to race again. Since Karter and I left the restaurant, I hadn’t slept. Recounting past events and memories, my mind began to question everything. I had some things I must do, and if what I hoped to be a mistake proved to be true, my only resolution would be to leave this city and never turn back or…
Become a PTSD statistic.
“Mom, where is it. I just want to look at a photo, and then I’ve got to run. I’ll be back in a few days,” I lied.
“I put it downstairs. It’s in the spare bedroom with everything else. Don’t go upsetting yourself, Jak. When’s Karter coming home?”
“In a few days, mom. Alright. I’ll say goodbye on my way out.”
I ran down the stairs and into the spare bedroom. In the corner of the room was a large light green wooden chest. I knelt at the front of the chest and took a deep breath. As I opened the box I saw the photo album on top, right where I hoped it would be. Without opening it, I removed it, tucked it under my arm, and stared into the chest.
Hundreds of unopened letters filled the chest. Stacks and stacks of bound envelopes side by side filled the majority of the box. For the first two years of training, I had sent each and every letter home, unopened. The only mail I opened or responded to was from my mother. In my opinion, considering all things at the time, reading anything from friends would only cause me grief and potentially diminish my chances of successfully completing my training. As I stared at the stacks of letters, I wondered now what they may contain. Frustrated and unwilling to attempt to relive my entire past, I shut the lid to the chest.
I stood in the doorway and looked into the room as if I expected some form of response from the within the chest. I needed answers, and to get them I was going to go where I felt I had no business being. It wasn’t going to be a comfortable situation, but it had to be done. As much as I didn’t want to know, I knew I had to find the answers. Without knowing the truth, I couldn’t continue to live with Karter in my life, or even alone for that matter. I flipped off the light and turned from the room.
“Mom, I grabbed a few photo’s. I’m going to home for a bit and then I may have to go meet Commander Warrenson,” I said from the top of the stairs.
“You retired, Jak. Why do you have to go see him? Why Jak? And come give me a kiss. Since when do you leave without kissing me? What’s wrong with you, Jak?” my mother whined.
I placed the photo album on the floor and stepped over it and into the kitchen. As my mother scowled at me, I wrapped my arms around her and held her. She was the only woman I felt I could truly trust.
“I love you, mom,” I breathed.
“I love you too, Jak. What’s going on?” she asked.
“Nothing mom. I just saw a guy last night and he made me think of a few things. It’s not about Graham. I just wanted to see a few people. Nothing to worry about,” I assured her.
“Alright. Well as soon as Karter gets back, you two come over here for dinner, okay?”
I hope so, mom. I sure hope so.
“I’ll let you know,” I said as I turned toward the stairs.
“I’ll let you know if you don’t straighten up, Jak,” she huffed.
I grabbed the album and walked to my truck. I opened the door, and tossed it into the front seat. I gripped the keys in my hand and inhaled a deep breath. I really didn’t want to do this, but I knew I had to. It wasn’t quite thirty miles to Potwin, and even in my old truck shouldn’t take thirty minutes.
The longest thirty minutes of my life.
