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Reluctantly, I walked to the chest and picked my knife up from the floor. As I cut the envelope open and removed the letter, I sighed. After slowly unfolding it, I began to read.
Jak,
I don’t know how to say it other than saying it, so here goes.
I’m probably dead or in a coma. I told myself if I lived through this one I’d make it to your mailbox and get the letter out like I did last time. If you’re reading this, it ain’t gonna be good.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I blinked my watering eyes and continued.
When we go riding, I won’t be wearing my helmet this time. I won’t be going to basic training with you either. I got Shelley pregnant back in October last year, and she wants to get married. It’s tough to tell you she’s a bad person, because I’m just as bad. But she’s no good, Jak. She’s been fucking around on you for most of the time you two have been together. I been trying to think of a way to tell you, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I guess really I don’t know if I’m the father, but I can’t wait and see. I can’t go to the Navy with you and wait to see what happens, it’s a huge mess, Jak.
My tears fell onto the letter as I read. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and lowered the letter. My entire life I took responsibility for what had happened to Graham. The feelings were so deeply placed in my soul, my mind eventually had to block them out to allow me to continue to live a healthy life.
But I lived feeling responsible for what happened. I always wondered if we hadn’t been drinking if things may have gone differently. It wouldn’t have mattered. Graham was on his second suicide mission. I looked down at the letter. Slowly, I raised it to chest height and began to read again.
I can’t live my life with an all day every day reminder of what a bad friend I was, and I ain’t looking to raise a kid with a whore (sorry, but it’s true). So I guess I’m going to go out with a bang. I’m sorry for what I did, and I’m sorry for what I’m going to do. I hope you understand.
I just hurt really bad inside.
I left mom and pop a letter telling them bye. I ain’t telling them about Shelley, and I hope you don’t either. After the kid’s born if he looks like me I’ll guess we’ll know.
I love ya, Jak. And I’m really sorry.
Graham
I reread the entire letter. After folding it and placing it into the envelope, I gathered all of the mail and dropped it into the wooden box. I tossed the photo album on top and closed the lid to the chest. I pushed my knife into my pocket and clipped it in place. After a precursory look around the room, I carried the heavy chest to the top of the steps.
The drive to Potwin seemed to take mere minutes. As close as I could recall, I was exactly where Graham had wrecked his bike. In lieu of going to his cemetery, I opted to drive to the crash site. For me, it seemed more reasonable and personal. After all, this was where he would have taken his last breath – and in my mind, he would always remain here. I pulled my truck partially into the ditch and parked.
I walked back to the bed of the truck and opened the chest. After lifting out the photo album, I carried it back to the cab of the truck. I opened the album and removed Graham’s picture from the translucent film which covered it. His appearance in the photo was exactly as I remembered him. I smiled and placed the photo on the dash. After resting the album on my lap, I turned the picture over and began to write on the back of it. This was important; I needed to let Graham go and move on with my life.
Graham,
I forgive you for what you did. I still and I will always consider you a friend. I’m going to spend a lifetime taking care of your daughter, but not because she’s your daughter. She’ll forever be in my life only because I love her and I can’t imagine living a life without her.
To think somehow I happened onto her and we fell in love - and all of this isn’t tied together somehow would require me to be a very shallow man. We both know that is not the case. God put Karter in my life for me to love and cherish, and I intend to do so with great vigor. This will be the last time you and I will ever talk, so I’ll leave you with these words:
The events in life we can’t accept are always the toughest.
And the toughest events in life are always the ones we can’t accept.
I think when we can find a way to heal from pieces of the very things which have torn us apart, we truly emerge a better person.
So, I’m going to buy a bike. And I’m going to ride that son-of-a-bitch until the day I die.
Your friend always,
Jak
I turned the photo over and placed it into the album. After a short pause, I opened the door to the truck and walked around to the rear bumper. I looked in the bed of the truck at the can of gasoline and grinned. Moving forward would be a blessing for us all. I tossed the album into the chest, lifted it from the bed, and carried it to the base of the old tree.
As I sat on the bed of the truck and watched my memories burn, I realized there was not one person in charge of my destiny but me. The only thing which separated me from a life of greatness was me. I was a great Navy SEAL. I’ve always considered myself a great son. Now, it was time for me to become a great lover and a great husband.
One more stop, and my past would truly be behind me.
After a short ten-minute drive, I arrived at Shelley’s house. This time I pulled my truck into the driveway. After a deep breath, I walked to the porch and rang the doorbell. After no immediate answer, I knocked on the door and stepped to the side. As it opened, Shelley smiled.
“Come on in, Jak,” she said softly as she waved her hand into the living room.
