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Shit.
It seems like plenty of time but also not enough to get my stupid fucking mind right. My two heads have decided to ignore each other today of all days and I am dreading things going wrong tonight.
I didn't stay at the bar much longer once I got my buddy set up for success. I knew I needed to come home in order to start the preparations for Melanie arriving home.
I have been reading the back of these little pill packs on repeat. The text is so tiny that's the only way they could fit so many damn side effects on it.
Take one capsule an hour before sexual activity.
Do not exceed two capsules within a
twenty-four hour period.
If an erection lasts for more than four hours,
consult your doctor immediately.
Additional side effects include
loss of vision, nose bleeds,
decreased blood pressure, dizziness,
headaches, muscle or back pain,
and indigestion.
You might not be able to see that you're having sex, but at least you can rest assured you will be keeping it up the whole time.This is dumb, what am I thinking!I move to throw the pills into the bathroom trash can, hovering over the opening willing my hand to drop them in.
I don't think I have ever been this nervous to be with a woman, not even when I lost my virginity to my babysitter. Even though my parents insisted that she wasn't a babysitter - since I was fifteen at the time - she was always tasked with hanging out with me when the rest of the family needed to go somewhere I didn't feel like going. Little did they know, I never wanted to go because it meant I got to learn how to kiss from her instead.
And that led to us taking each other's virginity one fateful winter night. My teenage brain took that as meaning more for our relationship, calling her my girlfriend to my friends at school and getting her a special gift for Christmas. Except when I went to give it to her, she acted like she had just been pushed head-first into a snowbank.
When I asked why she treated me that way after we had shared such an intimate moment, she explained that losing her virginity to me was to raise her social status. Simply not being a virgin anymore would be enough for her and I was the easiest and most willing target. I was heartbroken and I wasn't even old enough to know what love was. I was stupid and fell for everything she told me, and then I learned how to project those same things onto women. My new heartless skill to lure women into my tangled web of safety only to wrap them up and leave them. Better to be the one to hurt someone else than be the one getting hurt, right?
Except that is a lonely place to be - mentally and physically. I hate that it fucks with my head like it does, but I can't fucking help it. And it only makes things worse now that Colt and Delaney rekindled, and Lucas and Olivia are getting ready to add a baby to their family. Love is everywhere around me and my brain is craving being a part of that club, no matter how hard I try to resist it.
Fuck this stupid feeling.
Mel and I have rules and we haven't even slept together yet. It feels a little ass backward, but her rules so far have been worth it. The way she feels clenching around my fingers as she drowns in her orgasmic bliss is addicting - so addicting that I haven't even given any thought to the fact my dick hasn't been inside of her yet. But that's about to change and I need all the help I can get to keep my brain from ending this too soon.
It's never been a problem for me, but something about Melanie makes me feel like I will want to savor every second and I'm not willing to risk it ending before we are both good and drunk on our euphoria. Maybe I should take a few shots to calm these annoying fucking nerves coursing through my bloodstream. I think I still have some nips in my backpack.
The bourbon is room temperature but it feels like heat as it glides down my throat. I had a few of these mini alcohol bottles in my bag as emergency booze when I can't get served at the bar. I can typically blend in with my older friends, keeping me from getting carded, but on the off chance I am having an off night, my secret stash comes in handy.
I can feel the liquor relaxing every muscle in my body already - except my fucking brain that is still running a mile a minute. It's going to be a long rest of the night if I can't get any sleep or turn off the spinning shit in my head.
Fuck it, another shot should help slow things down.
The living room floor looks like a liquor store trash can, littered with empty and discarded mini bottles. The buzz in my head is like a hive of bees swarming a field of wildflowers. They drown out the thoughts of Melanie and the pressure of our first fuck from clouding my brain. Instead, I am totally shitfaced and watching reruns of Friends. My parents used to watch this show all the time when we were growing up and it has a sense of nostalgia that is bringing my giggly side to the surface. I don't remember this show being so funny, but then again, I was just a kid and was not plastered when I watched. I check the time and see that it's close to six in the morning now. Shit, I have to take my pill an hour before she gets home in order to have as much effect as I can - which means I need to take it right now.
I wobble to my bedroom, tipping into the hall walls more times than I can count in my inebriated state. I land on my bed next to the tiny pill packet bubbles.
That's a silly word - bubbles.
I laugh at my own thoughts, the full effects of the alcohol getting stronger now that I have moved, the alcohol spreading and filling my blood vessels. I pop two pills into my mouth, swallowing them down dry. It takes all my strength to lift myself back up off the mattress, making my way back to the living room. The curtains are already closed so I ditch my pants, planting my underwear clad ass on the couch. The fabric is soft against the back of my thighs, like a woman's soft hands tickling along the sensitive skin.
The idea makes my dick twitch, but there is no tent in sight yet. Well shit, that's annoying. I thought it would be faster than this. Another episode passes and even when the chick shimmies with a turkey on her head, my dick still lays docile in my boxers. I am running out of time and panic begins. I hurry back into my bedroom - Mel set to arrive in thirty minutes or less - and down the last pill. I gather the packets and shove them under my pillow, the evidence hidden.
