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Awave of deja vu hits me and I am transported back to high school at the homecoming dance of our senior year.
Delaney is wearing an emerald green dress that does everything for her legs and Bryn is wearing some weird fabric that changes color depending on where you stand. They are both my date. Bryn didn't want to deal with having a real date and Delaney didn't want her to feel left out. So I walked in with both of them on my arm, the impressed grins from the dirtbags in our graduating class leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
We all dance in a group, my hands firmly gripping Delaney's hips. Slow songs or fast ones, I want every moment of having our bodies together. It has been two years of dating. Two years of becoming best friends and teaching each other how to kiss. Those three little words have been exchanged, but there's one thing we haven't done. I think it's more my fault than hers, the whole idea of having sex is exciting but terrifying at the same time. Almost like if I'm not good at it, it might cancel out all of the good things about our relationship. It's a chance I'm not ready to take, and if that means disappointing her a bit with waiting, it's worth it. She is still here, with me, laughing as her and Bryn try to see who can dip it lower for Christina Milian.
"I've gotta pee. I'll be right back." Carina's voice breaks me back into the moment, the visions of my high school gymnasium transforming into the vibrant club.
"Oh, I need to go, too." Bryn chimes in, looping her arm into Carina's and disappearing into the crowd.
"You can't break the seal yet, you amateurs!" Delaney yells after them.
And now it's just me and my emotionalbaggage, wrapped in sequins and shooting daggers at me. She shakes her head and returns to the table. I sit with her, watching as she takes another long sip of her drink and taking this opportunity to ask the question I have been wondering since I found out her and Carina are friends.
"Why didn't you tell her about us?"
She doesn't stop drinking and I am concerned at how fast it goes down.
"What good would that do? It would make up her mind about you without being able to make that decision for herself. The fact that we dated when we were teenagers shouldn't keep you from seeing if she can make you happy now. And honestly, her and I have only been friends for a few months so we haven't gotten to that 'exes are off limits' talk where we unroll our list and have a debriefing." She pauses, her eyes darting towards the bathroom, looking for her friends. "You're the only one and I didn't think this would ever happen. I thought you would be long gone after college, not back here."
There's no way she thinks this isn't a big deal. Our history, our magnetism to each other. If she thinks I could date her friend and not be affected every time they are together, she hasn't been paying attention. Does she not see how my eyes always find her in a crowd? How do I have to keep my lips damp when she is around in case she comes in for a kiss because that's what I had to do before?
It was different when Carina was a new stranger. But now that she is connected to my past, to Delaney, I can't look at her the same way anymore.
"There's nothing to make up her mindabout. I can't ... " I don't know how to say the next part without making it seem dickish. "I can't see her without thinking of you, Laney."
Her silence speaks volumes. She shakes her head, picking up the almost empty drink in front of her and downs the remaining bit in one gulp.
"Don't think of me, Colt. We can't do this. Carina has been through a lot when it comes to relationships and I can't be the one to break this one."
"I will end it right now." I practically cut her off with my rushed statement, but it's true. In this club, with all of these people and the music that is pounding through my bones, I would break Carina's heart to have a chance at Delaney's.
"I came here to drink away the thought of you, not to convince you to dump my friend."
So that confirms it. She has been thinking of me. Her confession says more than she knows with the longing in her eyes. I am desperate to take her face in my hands and kiss her for real. I refuse to let our last kiss be whatever that was by the bar, her lips barely grazing mine. If this is going to be the end, it needs to be worthy of us.
"Laney, I ... "
"Okay, we have a problem." Bryn is back and alone, her breathing quick and her expression frazzled.
"Where's Carina?" Delaney asks before I have the chance to.
"I had to leave her in the bathroombecause I couldn't get her to let go of the toilet long enough to make it back over here. We need to take her home, it's not pretty. I'm not sure I can drive. Dee, how are you feeling?"
No way in hell I am letting either of them drive after drinking, fuck that.
"I will take her home. I just ... well, I don't know where she lives."
The two share a look. Yeah, I know, this is our second date and I still haven't picked her up like a proper gentleman. It has been a long ass time since I dated. This is the first real dating experience I've had in my adult life. And it's a shitshow.
"I can give you her address, I have it in my phone, one sec," Delaney offers, her face forming a scowl when she pulls her phone out of her bra. That was hiding in there the whole time? Her fingers tap it repeatedly before clicking the button on the side and looking defeated.
"Fuck, my phone died. Do you have her address?" Delaney asks Bryn, a begging look in her eyes.
"Umm, I don't think I know what it is but I know where it is," she says with a laugh. "I can ride with you, she should probably have some supervision anyways. She would kick my ass if I let you see her like this." Bryn turns her attention to me. This is the first time Bryn has acknowledged me since I walked over carrying their drinks and I know she is pissed that I didn't take her warning seriously.
"I can hoof it home, it's not too far. Text me when you get there Bryn."
"Yeah, that's not happening. I can drop you off on the way. I don't want you walking alone downtown, that's just asking for trouble." I wish I could shove down my protective side at this moment. I wish I didn't feelthe urge to keep her safe, to make sure she is tucked warmly into her bed. I selfishly wish I could be next to her, for nothing else but to have our bodies close again.
