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Colton makes his way towards the front and that's when my eyes finally break from watching him to see Carina waving at him. No,no, no, thiscan'tbe happening. The black dress she wears clings in all the right places and the vibrant red of her lipstick brings it all together.
One, two, three, four, five ...
Longer than five seconds, clearly a sign that their dinner was enjoyable. He came to a flower shop to be with her because they didn't want to end their date. The first, and arguably only, man I have ever loved is here in my shop. On a fucking date. With one of my best friends.
First dates are awkward. You're hoping that you connect with this stranger while also trying not to show how awkward you can truly be. It's a frustrating balance that I still haven't mastered. I guess it doesn't help that I haven't been on a first date since high school.
You know what makes first dates even more awkward? Running into the only other girl you have shared a first date with after not seeing each other in five years. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. My life is some kind of cruel fucking joke, I swear.
I didn't notice Delaney at first, somehow my brain wasn’t connecting that this could be her shop. I thought the name was a clever play on words, but I didn't think Delaney would even still have Thorne as a last name. After all these years, my mind had painted her into a happy marriage with at least one kid and a perfect house in the suburbs. I never expected her to still be here when I came back, to witness how much I haven't changed.
Other than not living at home anymore, and the beard I have proudly added to my face, I am the same. Stagnant, existing in my hometown withthe same friends and the same hobbies. A grown man's body with the same nerdy teenage boy trapped inside. Oh and some student debt, can't forget about that, thanks Elysian Tech.
Delaney and I don't know each other anymore, but now that I know this is her shop, I can see her reflected in every detail. The dainty and delicate decor is a direct reflection of her style that she was starting to embrace when I knew her. The only time I ever saw her wearing something other than a vibrant pastel was at her mother's funeral. That's when everything changed. She told me she didn't love me anymore and I spent years trying to figure out where I went wrong.
And now, being here, so close to her, every question I never got a chance to ask is threatening to blurt out at the most inappropriate time.
Why did you leave me? Why did you think you were better off handling it all alone? Why couldn't you let me prove I was what you needed?
Instead, I bite my tongue and am stuck here pretending to give a shit about how these flowers look in this vase. I can't even remember the name of the girl I am here with, but I think it starts with an R. I definitely remember Bryn, though our paths crossed a few times at campus parties over the years. And being at the same table as her while she shoots daggers at my skull, I know she isn't happy to see me. Trust me, had I known this was what I would be walking into, I would have ended this date before it even started.
I change my focus to Delaney, if for no other reason than to escape the glares coming from Bryn. Delaney is so in her element, walking around and helping everyone with their flower arrangements. She has been avoiding my table the entire time, which means she must have recognized me. The beard that replaced my baby face couldn't fool her. Our eyes have skated over each other, each time they meet, one of us breaking the connection.
"Is there a bathroom?" I whisper to R-something beside me, her name totally dropping from my mind the moment I saw Delaney, my brain struggling to comprehend that she is here. My date nods, pointing towards the back of the studio and I take the opportunity to escape the table. Maybe when I am gone, Delaney will come help everyone else if they need it.
There is only one bathroom, a clever drawing on the door showing both a bee and a flower and I can't help but smile. Only she would think to illustrate the sex talk on her bathroom door. Or maybe that's just my man brain venturing south without permission. The small room is much too fancy for any guy to be in. Flowers on every surface, even the toilet paper is folded into a little point, just like the hotels do it.
I sit to pee, a surefire way to keep the bathroom looking spotless exactly how I found it. It also gives me the chance to run my hands through my hair, trying to pull what to do next with this situation. The wallpaper is embossed, adding more texture and dimension into the closet of a room.
She truly thought of everything. While I have been trying to forget her, she has been here opening a business and proving I wasn't worth remembering anyways. It's poetic and I can't help but let it annoy me. I could leave, just walk out of this place and not look back. I could abandon the date I am on and claim food poisoning made me feel ill. It would be a believable story, my dinner of steak which could have easily been infected with mad cow. It would be easy to escape. Almost as easy as it was for her to escape me five years ago without warning, without explanation. At least not a valid one.
I pull up my boxers, tucking my dick in before buttoning my pants and zipping my fly. The warm water runs over my hands, the fruity smell of whatever hand soap Delaney put in here tickling my nose and making my mouth water. While I had dinner, there was no dessert and now I am craving something sweet.
The door opens quickly, even though I'm not looking forward to getting back out there where my past and present are colliding head on, the balance of the universe in a spiral. Except there is someone standing across the tiny hall waiting for me.
"Hey Bryn - " The rest of the words die as she shoves me backwards, putting us both into the bathroom before swiftly clicking the lock shut.
"Why the fuck are you here Colt? What game are you playing showing up with one of Delaney's friends like this? Not to mention on her opening night. Like seriously." She wouldn't talk to me at the table, only giving me her death glares and pushing her lips into an unhappy scowl. But now that we are away from the rest of the crowd, she has lots to say.
"I didn't know it was her shop or that ... " Fuck, I still can't remember her name. "I was with one of her friends. I swear." It's the truth and I am trying to figure out why me being here would affect Dee as much as Bryn makes it seem like it does. She broke things off. She wanted to cut me from her life. If anyone should be pissed in this scenario it should be me.
"You have to leave. You can't be a distraction for her tonight, she has worked way too fucking hard to be thrown off by you."
"How is she?" I have to ask. I need to know she isn't as broken as me, that time has healed her wounds even though it only made mine sting more beneath my skin.
"She's doing her best. Now please, just go Colt."
I give her a nod, her fingers unclenching from my shirt, smoothing it out in a silent apology for messing it up in the first place. She turns on her heel, unlatching the lock and turning the knob, propping the door open for me to exit. I don't stop to say goodbye to my date, and I don't look back once I get outside into the fresh night air.
That last part is a lie. I stare back through the window at Delaney, at her contagious smile, a quiet curse falling from my lips. She broke my heart and at this moment, I wish more than anything else that she was still in it.
I hate myself right now. I got home an hour ago, ditching my jeans and shirt, leaving me in only my boxers. The softness of my sheets against my skin is a familiar comfort. I have been reading the 'About Us' page on the Thornes In Bloom website, the picture of Delaney filling my phone screen, her face overshadowing the beauty of the flowers surrounding her. Fuck, my stomach feels like I participated in an eating contest,cramped and tangled in knots. Forgetting her is something I have never been able to do, but I was finally getting to a point where I only thought about her right when I woke up and the fleeting moments before I fell asleep. The rest of the day, I managed to tune out the replay in my head of that summer.
Seeing her again has relit the fire deep in my gut for her. I hate her for what she did to me, but that doesn't extinguish the feeling of wanting to pull her into my arms and never let her go again. It's a fucked up balance, the scales tipping this way and that, trying to decide where to settle. Hate and love, love and hate - both leading me back to Delaney. If she thought that time would erase this feeling, she was wrong. Part of me knows that her avoiding me tonight is confirmation she is still trying to balance the scales in her mind too.
A message chimes through, the banner dropping from the top of my screen, obstructing my view of the face I have loved since I was a teenager. Carina hopes that I am feeling better and wants to reschedule for another night. I don't reply. I don't want to lead her down a path with me I know will branch off and bring me to someone else. It was only a first date, that doesn't count as ghosting right? It's not like I fucked her and then didn't call.
I open my messaging app, swiping out of the text from Carina, and starting a new one. Did Delaney change her number? Does she still have mine saved? Will she reply either way?
