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"Alright, no more talking from you ... ever." What my best friend doesn't know is that I haven't been with anyone since Colton was my first. Between running a business and everything with my complicated family, prioritizing romance has not been on my list. I am great at making her feel like I have a healthy work-life balance, though, so this tiny detail is lost on her.
"Fine, I'm leaving. I'm still proud of you even if you hate me." Bryn kisses my cheeks before heading home. The bell above the door is still rattling when I hear the familiar sound of my phone dinging from the back office. I haven't looked at it all night and when I unlock the screen, there are three message notifications covering the screen: Darren, Ella, and a number I don't recognize. I save that one for last.
Proud of you sis. Ella had a blast, love you.
Darren's sentiment makes me eyes start to water. What is it with someone being proud of you that makes everything emotional?
Okay so don't freak out, but I might have talked Carter into hiring you for her wedding in a few months.
It's going to be small, nothing crazy, but when she tells you that your interview is no longer that, act surprised.
I'm so excited for you and also my brother, two of my favorite people at the same event! Get some sleep, chat tomorrow <3
I expect the last message to be from Carter coordinating the wedding that I now need to add to my calendar … but it can't be from her.
You broke my heart and I hate you for it ... but I can't stop fucking thinking about you
Wait, what?
My mind is like a rogue ping-pong ball, ricocheting off every surface in sight, trying to find a place to land and make sense of what I just read. There is only one person this can be from and the idea of him typing this has my stomach tangled like the ivy on the front of my flower shop. It's Colton, being that his is the only heart that I have ever broken. I deleted his number last year, the pain of seeing it in my contacts and never feeling like I could reach out weighed heavy on me. Plus, drunk texting your ex can't happen if you don't have their number in your phone. I did it for the safety of everyone involved. After too many close calls, I couldn't take any more chances.
Theseare the first words he has said to me in years, and it breaks me a little knowing that I can't picture them coming out of his mouth. The teenage voice in my head doesn't match with the man I saw tonight. But without even knowing how it would sound, my heart remembers exactly how to flutter at the thought of it, something I haven't felt in a long time. I have gotten flutters in other places, like in my panties after one particular bartender wrote his number on the dollars he gave me as change. It should have been illegal how many abdominal muscles he had on display, but even that didn't come close to the way Colton wraps around my heart like a stubborn vine on a trellis.
Snarky or sweet, that is the decision now. How do I reply? I broke his heart so I probably can't give him shit for that. I also witnessed him on a date with another girl tonight, who just happens to be one of my best friends, so my response can't be too sweet either. I don't want to mess with what they have going on, especially with Carina involved. Not that he would break up with her for me. Ugh, this is more complicated than my brain can handle tonight. The opening was incredible and I met so many amazing people but my feet are aching and all I want right now is to be home curled up in my bed with comfy pants on.
What if I just don't respond? What are the odds that my number has been the same after all these years right? People change their phone number all the time, it could be the case with me too.
Except I can't stop staring at his message, and my thumbs have a mind of their own.
I can't stop thinking about you either.
But that's not what I write, I can't do that to Carina even if it is how I am feeling. There are rules and even though Carina has no clue she is breaking one by dating my ex, I would feel awful saying something like that to him knowing it could hurt her.
New phone, who dis?
Smooth, real smooth. But maybe if I give him a chance to back out from what he said, he will take the bait. I can't ignore how my body still buzzes from his words like an overly excited bee when the spring flowers start to bloom. Acting on those feelings, though, is an entirely different thing.
Another ding, and my cheeks fill with a smile against my wishes. Fuck, this is worse than I thought. I can feel myself getting giddy over knowing there is a response from him. It feels like it did in the beginning all over again, when the first few texts are awkward and you are trying to discover your banter. And then it clicks and starts flowing naturally. It was always easy with Colton. He was playful and flirty and said all the right things. That's probably why I fell for him. Fast and hard. You know what else is fast and hard? The impact of a test crash that hurls the dummies intothe wall, shattering their bones. Get your mind out of the gutter, I didn't mean that kind of hard.
Seriously Dee? That's what you're going with? You know damn well who this is. Unless you have been collecting broken hearts since we last spoke.
He should know me better than that. Then again, he doesn't know who I am now, even though the fundamentals have stayed pretty consistent over the years. I haven't held a heart long enough to break it. Not since him. Ending things the way I did left a bad taste in my mouth with a pit in my stomach the size of Boston. Since then, I haven't been able to let anyone else in. I'll ruin things again and be back to square one, with one more tic in the heartbreak column.
Oh right, Jameson is that you?
This could go one of two ways. The first is Colton doesn't remember his friend Jameson from high school who was a total dirtbag and I would never have even blinked in his direction. With this option, Colton will be instantly heartbroken thinking I hooked up with his friend and not reply. Option two is that he does remember Jameson, he will see that I am joking and will play back. It's a risk, but I am already in this far, I might as well see what happens.
I turn off the lights in the studio, the space is clean enough that I won't regret how much I still have to do when I come back in the morning. The glass door clangs against the metal frame, the bell on the inside singing a muted version of its song. The key clunks the door locked and I give it a tug, making sure the door is holding firm.
When I firstgot my storefront, I planned to sleep in the backroom so that I could save money on rent. My brother, being the smart one, talked me out of it, reminding me that separating myself from my work was an important boundary to set. Now, I have a short six minute walk through downtown to get to my apartment. And by that, I mean, my roommates apartment since I am barely ever there. Most mornings I wake up before the sun and am at the shop before it has had time to rise. I work later than I should at night and by the time I get home, it's straight into my room to crash. One of the perks of owning a flower shop is that you can do business everyday. One of the cons of owning a flower shop is that everyday is a holiday for someone.
I have been searching for someone to take part-time hours so I can have some free time. Easier said than done when you have standards to uphold and a majority of the applicants are in high school and can't tell the difference between a carnation and a dahlia. If it were up to me, I would hire one of my friends, knowing damn well we could bounce ideas off each other and keep building the business. I joke all the time with Darren that I am going to steal Ella from him for my own personal gain, the help she gave me in Costa Rica when we barely knew each other saved my ass.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and my stomach flips. The results are in and I am too anxious to wait until I am home to read the message from Colton.
Except it's not him.
Did I totally freak you out?
