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Ryan called, apologizing for the night before, and asked if he could come over and make Sunday breakfast. Lisa declined.
“It’s too soon, Ryan. Last night was rough. But we already have a new routine for Saturday night. Maybe next week.”
“Okay. I get it.”
“Where’s your date?” she asked.
“She left last night. I think she felt bad about it after all, even though it was my idea.”
“How was it sleeping alone?” Lisa asked.
“I missed you, of course,” Ryan admitted.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get used to it. I need to go, Ryan. Someone’s crying.” It was a lie; she didn’t tell him Nancy had spent the night. It wasn’t his business.
“Can I come over and see them?” Ryan asked.
“Ryan…”
“I know. When can I, though? I can wait until tomorrow when the older ones are in school, I guess. It should be easier for me to visit with them away.”
By Monday, Lisa hoped a new routine would unfold, and if she let him visit then, it would disrupt her life more than hisleaving already had. Maybe it would be better to let him come now.
“You can come over now,” she said.
“Thank you so much, Lisa. I’ll be right there.”
She ended the call, frowning. “Sucker.” Why had she given in to him? He’d gotten his rocks off and was ready to come back, but in twenty-four hours he’d be ready to party again. She steeled herself against getting emotional. It was a constant battle between being sweet, forgiving Lisa and wanting to murder him.
That thought brought her back down to earth. She was passionate about Ryan, and he’d hurt her to the core. She didn’t really know how to act. Should she fake it and pretend nothing could destroy her love for him? Or let the anger pour out?
Megan and the other children were Lisa’s primary concern. Although honesty was the best, it differed from the truth. Ryan had disrespected her. Somehow, she needed to convey that to the children in some age-appropriate way. Honesty was her response to it; no matter how much she loved Ryan, she couldn’t allow him to treat her like he had.
But by the same token, she didn’t want to harm the kids’ relationship with Ryan. Then she remembered that they’d seen him with Betsy with their own eyes. And that wasn’t something she was ready to explain away.
She had to break the rules she’d learned as a kid. Pam had never been honest about what Jack had done to her, at least not while he was alive. The kids had known what was up and had been damaged when Pam had pretended everything was okay. She had sacrificed her identity to stay married.
Lisa’s ruminations were wasted, because when Ryan appeared at the door, his self-satisfied look made all her anger rise to the surface, pushing any pain and regret down again. It was better for him to be out.
“Well, well, well. Don’t you look pleased with yourself?” she said.
“Are you going to let me in?”
“Get that smirk off your face, Ryan. At least pretend you feel bad.”
He frowned. “I do feel bad, but not the way you want me to feel.”
Stepping aside, she didn’t reply to that. “Do you want coffee?”
“Coffee would be great. Should I go back and see the girls?”
“Yes. Nancy is back there.”
Lisa had asked Nancy not to tell Ryan that she’d spent the night. While she poured the coffee, she heard Ryan greeting the girls. Madelyn called out, “Daddy.” He came back into the great room with Sierra on his shoulders and holding Madelyn’s hand. Both girls were smiling.
“My big girls are so glad to see me,” he said, sitting on the floor. “Where are the others?”
With a fake smile in place, Lisa did her best to be calm. “Farmed out for a change. Sandra has the boys, and the girls are at Alison’s.”
