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“Brent…” I warned in a low tone. He knew none of this was his business. The only reason he knew anything about it at all was because he’d overheard me talking to my friend at work.
He sighed. “Right. Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry at all. He sounded miffed that he wasn’t getting his way. “You’re not gonna tell him about Cam, are you?” Also not his business.
I gritted my teeth in an effort not to snap at him, because that would only lead to an uncomfortable work environment. “I don’t know, Brent,” I huffed, my tension leaching out into my tone of voice. “I haven’t told him for the past ten years, but you never know. Maybe he’ll come up to me and say, ‘hey, remember that time we had sex and then I ditched you? Did you happen to have a kid, by any chance?’ I mean, if he asks, I’m not gonna lie.” I sat on the edge of the bed heavily and squeezed my eyes shut, frustrated tears sneaking out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” I said with a sigh. “I’m just—”
“No! Don’t apologize, I get it. I didn’t mean to pry.” I could hear him breathing over the line. “Just… call me if you need me, okay? Even if it’s late. If you need a knight in shining armor or even just a ride home, I can be there in ten minutes.”
“Okay. Thanks, Brent,” I said softly, and I meant it.
He was a nice guy, and he’d made it more than obvious that he was interested in starting something with me. He was good with Cameron, he’d make a good dad, but… there were no sparks, no fireworks. Just like there hadn’t been chemistry with any of the guys I’d dated. Maybe I was being too picky. There was no doubt that my life would be easier with a partner. I gave the overflowing laundry hamper the side-eye.
Yes, I’m looking at you, laundry. And you, sink full of dishes. And dusty shelves and dirty floors and…
The list of chores went on forever, but the landlord had raised the rent, so I’d been picking up all the extra shifts I could get in order to make ends meet. And that meant less time for picking up around the house. And there was no way I was going to give up quality time with my son in favor of chores.
“Daaaaaaad! Nana’s here!” Cam shouted.
“Sorry, Brent, I’ve gotta go.”
“Yeah, I heard.” He laughed.
“Thanks again for the offer,” I told him genuinely. “It means a lot.”
I knew even without seeing him that he was smiling. “Anything for you.” And that was what worried me. I didn’t want to lead him on.
Disconnecting the call, I quickly tucked in my shirt and threw on the blazer, before heading for the door.It’ll be fine, I told myself. I would have a drink, catch up with old friends, all while dodging questions about why I wasn’t a surgeon like I’d planned.
2
Eric
Cheesymusic,baddancemoves, and cheap drinks. I didn’t know what I was expecting when I’d told my assistant, Talia, to accept the invitation to this reunion, but this wasn’t it.
No, that wasn’t true. I knew exactly what I was expecting. I was going to walk into this ballroom, and the music would swell, a spotlight shining on the man I came here to see. Jasper. The one who got away. We would lock eyes from across the room, and everyone else would disappear into the background. We would walk toward each other in slow motion, and he would say something like, “I can’t believe I was such an idiot. My life has been meaningless without you.” And then I would draw him into my arms and kiss him, show him what he’d been missing. And then we would pick up where we left off ten years ago, riding off into the sunset in my Porsche to begin our epic romance.
It was like a scene out of some cheesy rom-com, and yes, I realized how ridiculous it sounded, but you couldn’t blame a guy for dreaming. I’d even rented a room upstairs in the hopes that we might need it in our desperation to get each other’s clothes off. Except, this wasn’t a movie. It was real life. And real life kinda sucked in comparison to the fantasy. I was still the pro football player, and I did drive a Porsche. But Jasper’s absence hit me like a 300-pound defensive end to the chest.
My sulking was interrupted when my buddy John nudged my arm. “I saw that picture of you online, with that model, Remy something, at the Honors Awards. Reminded me a lot of my ex. Maaan, he had an ass that just wouldn’t quit.”
“Oh yeah?” I didn’t care about his ex or his ass, and I didn’t want to talk about Remy, but John was blinking at me with this expectant look on his face. Shit, he was like a dog waiting for praise after learning a new trick, like I was supposed to applaud having a hot ex. “How come you guys didn’t work out?” I asked instead, trying to steer the conversation toward something more important, but it was immediately clear that wasn’t what he wanted.
John’s face fell, his eyes skittering away. “Uh, you know… we just drifted apart.”
Except Dan let out a loud guffaw. “John got caught banging the neighbor, that’s what happened.”
My entire body deflated; what a predictable answer. So far, the night’s discussions with these guys had revolved around all the tail they were getting, instead of meaningful relationships they’d built or life goals achieved, and it was like nothing had changed over the past decade. They were still horny teenagers. Gods, was I this bad back then? Yeah, I totally was. I wanted to believe I had grown past all this immature bullshit, but seeing these guys who used to be my friends made me a little embarrassed.
It was no wonder Jasper wouldn’t return my calls all those years ago. I used to be an asshole. But a part of me had thought he’d seen past that image I displayed for everyone else, the star quarterback, bringing the trophy home for our team. When I was with him, I feltseen. We’d never had meaningless conversations like this. We talked about real things, with substance and emotion. When I was with him, I felt like more than just a jock. I felt like a man—like I could behisman.
I set my beer down on a table. I’d barely taken a sip; it tasted like watery piss, and now that I’d been holding it for an hour, it was justwarm, watery piss. Maybe I would slip over to the lounge and order some high-end whiskey.
Or maybe I should just go back to my room. It was time to let go of my unrealistic fantasy and any smidgen of hope I’d had. Jasper obviously wasn’t going to show tonight. He probably had something better to do. Because of course he did. He was probably in the middle of surgery at this very moment, his hands in someone’s chest, saving their life. Why did I think this throwback to the past would be important to him? It wasn’t even important to me, except for tracking Jasper down.
I’d tried looking him up over the years, whenever I woke up from a dream about him, my skin flushed with need, cock aching. But I never found him. Maybe his number was unlisted, but you would think if he’d become a surgeon, he would be on staff somewhere, at a hospital or clinic. It was weird, because he’d been so certain of his future. And he was smart enough to do it, too. I couldn’t imagine anything standing in his way. Heck, maybe he was still in medical school. I’d heard it took ages, depending on your field of study.
“Hey, man, remember that time we had the bonfire down at the creek, and Dan set up that bike ramp?” John said, his cheeks pink from the six beers he’d had so far. He’d been lining the cans up on the table to form a pyramid. “He thought he was going to be able to jump clear across to the other side.”
I laughed involuntarily. It had been funny, the way he’d pedaled as hard as he could, letting out this drunken battle cry. Then as soon as his front wheel was over the lip of the ramp, the bike just tipped forward, and he ended up face first in the shallow, muddy creek. “Coach was pissed,” I reminded them. “He said, ‘If you’re gonna break your neck, at least wait until after we win the championship.’”
