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There’s nothing wrong with me.
And if that means walking away from a fire career to prove it, I will.
* * *
Blaze
I punchthe wall in my living room.
Sonofabitch.
How could I fuck something up so badly?
Something that actually means something to me.Someonewho actually means something to me.
Lia isn’t a rescue project. She’s the only bright spot in my life. Why didn’t I realize that sooner and show her? Tell her?
Why in the fuck do I always have to be a hero? What made me think I could ‘fix’ things for Lia? I was trying to help, but I did it in the worst possible way. I should’ve talked to her, offered my help—which she probably wouldn’t have accepted. I guess that’s why I went around behind her back. It wasn’t just to surprise her. It was to railroad her.
And that makes me a goddamn asshole.
I suck at relationships. I should’ve learned from my experience with Samantha. I’m too controlling, I jump in too fast. I try to make something out of nothing.
Clearly that’s what I did with Lia, too.
And if I care about her, I need to back the fuck off. She doesn’t want my help. The best thing I can do is leave her the fuck alone.
I punch the wall again, satisfied when the plaster crunches and my knuckles come away swollen and torn.
And then I whale on that wall with both fists until the entire panel is in a crumbled heap at my feet.
Chapter 13
Lia
The troublewith anger is that when it goes away, there’s often a worse feeling underneath. Anger hides the true emotion. Often it’s fear, like when I bluster and bluff my way through things.
Right now it’s heartache.
Because breaking up with Blaze is the worst thing I’ve done.
That’s not true. Burning down the house was the worst thing. But splitting with Blaze comes in as a close second.
My heart is a sunken stone, far below my solar plexus, but not quite to my bowels. It’s sloshing around in my stomach, making it impossible for me to eat. Or walk. Or move really.
Which is why I spent the past three days in bed.
The guys from CrossFit texted to find out why I no-showed—because I never no-show unless I’m on shift.
The worst of it? Today’s my birthday.
Worst birthday of my life.
I have to drag myself out of this bed and get to my parents’ house, but eating my mom’s home-cooked food and listening to the banter of my overbearing family is the last thing I want to do.
I should tell them I got called in to cover a shift.
No, my mom would just insist on rescheduling for tomorrow.
