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When he lets me go, I pull my skates off and take a seat on the bench, holding my hands in my hair.
What the fuck am I gonna do now with this?
It’s all too fucking much.
I don’t even deserve to have the next thought that pops into my head, but it’s Maddison. And I know I made a fucking mistake leaving her behind.
“I need to call Maddie,” I mutter. I feel my eyes well up, and I’m not sure what to feel anymore, or why the feeling is so strong.
All I know is that I need her. And I need her now.
The formalities go by in a blur at the hospital.
Seeing my father’s lifeless body is not something that I ever want to relive again, though it will stay forever etched in my brain.
I called my mom on the way to the hospital. She insists on flying over with Kate and Kenny the day after tomorrow, and I’m in no state or position to even stop them. Kate can do whatever she wants. He may have not been a father to her, but it still isn’t a simple thing to deal with.
I dialed Maddie too but she didn’t pick up this time, maybe she’s busy.
Some time later, I sit in the quiet cafeteria, trying to gather my thoughts and my wits, but after what seems like forever of sitting in silence, nothing comes.
I pull my cell out of my pocket, and with a shaky hand, I dial Maddison again.
It will be late afternoon in Florida.
She answers after a couple of rings, and my breath hitches in my throat.
“Ash?” she says so quietly I almost can’t hear her. Then I realize she’s probably driving and has me on speaker. “Sorry I missed your call, I was at a viewing.”
“Maddison,” I breathe, knowing my voice is going to break at any moment. I wish I could be stronger than this. I would love nothing more than not have to drag her into any of my drama, but maybe that’s the selfish part of me, wanting what I want and fuck the consequences.
“Ash? Are you okay?”
Even from just speaking her name, she knows something’s wrong.
“My Dad died,” I say to her. It sounds weird even to me, and admitting it feels so fucking final.
“Oh my God, Ash. I’m so sorry!”
“Yeah, I was with the guys when the Doc called.”
“Where are you now, at the hospital?”
I nod, then realize she can’t see me over the phone. “Yeah. Look… I’ve been wanting to call, even before all this.”
“I’ve been wanting that, too. I was just giving you some space.”
“I don’t need space,” I tell her openly. “Mads, I made a big fucking mistake leaving you in the car park like that.”
“Well, it wasn’t the best moment of my life. But I’ll get over it,” she says. “That’s not important, Ash. What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t honestly know. My Mom and sis are flying over tomorrow.” I bite my lip. The words form on my tongue, but will she even want to come after what I did to her so abruptly?
But just like the fucking angel she is, she puts me out of my own misery.
“Ash, do you need me there? It’s fine if you don’t—I totally understand.”
“I need you, Mads, so fucking much. You don’t even know how much I’ve missed you.” It all comes pouring out, and I feel the tears streaming down my face before I even realize it. Fuck.
