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We left the party once it got too awkward with no one to talk to but Daniel. We found him red-faced and yelling at someone on the phone. It was nine o’clock when we arrived home, and as the car lights illuminated the garage door, I noticed Seb was there, back against the wall and eyes glued to his phone.
Minutes later, Deb passed out on the couch with her red polka-dot knickers on view for Seb and me.
‘Told you she steals the couch,’ I said as casually as possible, but my mind was flooding with pain as I tried with all my might to resist the suppressed sorrow I’d been trying to manage.
‘Yeah, she’s sure out to it.’
I put the zebra cushion on her crotch and left her to snore away.
‘I didn’t expect you to be waiting out the front for me. How long were you there for?’ I raised a curious brow as I leant against the dining-room table.
‘I was missing you really bad. How come you dress so sexy for work now?’ He eyed me up and down as he walked closer.
‘I was at a function, and this was the dress code.’ I pointed to my dress.
‘Nice. You look sexy.’ He gave my arm a quick tickle. ‘So, can I stay the night again?’ He stared into my eyes and waited for my response.
‘Yes, that’s fine,’ I replied in a fragile voice as that familiar burning feeling arose in my throat and tears began to well. I couldn’t get Patrick’s sister’s speech about their dad passing away out of my head.
He moved in close and kissed me and tried to put his tongue to mine, but I pulled away.
‘Not now, Seb. I just need some alone time for a minute.’
‘You all good, gorgeous?’
I nodded and went straight to the bathroom and locked myself in. The tears came rushing as soon as I was alone. All the pain flooded back into my mind as I thought of the police coming to Mum’s house and them telling her that Dad had passed. It was so sudden and out of the blue. He didn’t stand a chance against that heart attack, and my heart didn’t stand a chance against the pain that it would endure, forever. A million memories flickered in my mind as if a projector was flashing photographs. Suddenly it became impossible to breathe, and I slid down onto the smooth tiles and just let the tears gush.
A few knocks followed by a few twists on the doorknob disrupted my crying session.
‘Yes?’ I called out with a sniffle.
‘It’s me, Seb. Everything alright?’
‘I’m okay. I just miss mydadso much.’ My voice broke as I said the word ‘dad’, and a sharp feeling pierced through my heart.
He didn’t say anything. That was the usual response. What could you say to someone who was grieving?
A few minutes later, I stripped and hopped straight into the shower. The running water poured down my head as I closed my eyes and held my breath. I turned away from the water and faced the shower door and practised deep breathing. My pain would always be there and at times would resurface, but I always managed to find the strength to carry on, and hot showers seemed to soothe me.
On my return, I jumped straight into bed and pulled the lilac sheets to my chest. I rolled around until I was cocooned in them, then fluffed my pillow. Seb walked into my room and lay beside me.
‘Sorry about your dad, Naomi.’ He kissed my damp cheek.
‘Seven months have passed, and it feels like just yesterday he was alive.’
‘Stay strong, babe. It will be alright.’
He leant in and tried to French-kiss me, but I moved my head back.
‘I’m exhausted. Can we just go to sleep?’ I asked in a brittle, tired voice.
Disappointment filled his face, and he slowly exhaled. ‘Yep. Fine.’
I set the alarm on my phone and, this time, double-checked it was on.
As soon as I switched off the lights, I took some deep breaths and tried to distract myself from my grief. An image of Patrick and his ridiculously green eyes entered my mind as I replayed the whole evening like a movie from beginning to end. It ended up being one of my favourite work nights, and I wanted to redo it all over again, except for the cake. It was delicious but too rich, and I had a bigger slice than I should’ve, which resulted in a bloated, rumbling gut.
