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‘Now, should we do presents or what?’ Deb asked, cackling with laughter while looking around at everyone. Her face was pink with excitement, and her pupils were enlarged and unfocused.
‘Yeah, why not,’ Kelly said with a nod as she passed Deb something wrapped in a crinkled paper bag.
Deb grabbed the package and tore into it. ‘Oooh, pretty. Thanks, darling.’ She blew a kiss and slipped on the silver bangle.
‘Sorry about the paper, dude. I didn’t have time to find anything nice.’ She ran her hand through her blue hair.
‘No worries, chick.’ She winked as she scrunched up the paper and plonked it onto the table.
Deb drum-rolled on the benchtop with her fingers, then turned to Victor. ‘Get me anything, sexy?’ She shimmied as her auburn hair swished, and as she stopped moving, I noticed her upper lip was damp with sweat.
‘Ah, yes, my presence.’ He grinned and pointed his finger towards himself.
She elbowed him in the arm and laughed, then waved her hands in the air to the jazz music playing in the background. ‘Wooooo,’ she yelled as she dropped her hands in favour of the wine bottle and pressed it to her lips.
Victor chanted ‘scull, scull, scull’ and clapped his hands while his chipped-tooth smile spread across his face.
Deb obliged and began draining the liquid from the half-full bottle and didn’t stop until it was empty.
I sipped on my soda water and lime, highly grateful I was sober. The wine bottles all over the table made me think of my dad, and as soon as his crinkly eyes and checked shirt came into my mind, I felt my heart sink. I clutched my chest andsighed, imagining being someplace else. Somewhere calm and not so chaotic and loud, where my heart heavy with grief could heal. After I did my breathing exercises, I told myself,It’s Deb’s birthday. Be happy for her sake.My grief and anger disagreed with this, but I tried to distract myself for the time being before I became overwhelmed.
As I observed everyone around the table, I noticed Seb was still on his phone, Kelly looked tipsy, Victor and Deb were on the verge of being smashed, and Martin was still missing. It seemed glaringly obvious to me that Victor was there for free drinks. I had my eye on him ever since the first night he came over and drank wine with Deb in the lounge room. Once he left the following morning, Deb told me she shouted the wines and cigarettes, and he hadn’t chipped in a cent. He did a signature Deb move to her. He said he didn’t have any money and asked her to pay, and, oh boy, did she bitch about it.
I looked back at Deb to see her smiling at everyone around the table. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lip was sweating like crazy. ‘Booze hard or go home, motherfuckers,’ she yelled with an embarrassing loudness as diners behind us stopped eating their dinner and stared at her with their cutlery mid-air. She noticed them and howled with laughter as she stuck up the finger. ‘Fuck off, you old pricks. So sick of people trying to kill my vibe.’ Her words had started to slur so ‘trying’ sounded like ‘vying’.
Their expressions were shocked as they turned away quickly and continued eating their gnocchi.
‘I’m sooooo glad you all came to party with me.’ She leant her chin onto her palm and squeezed her eyes shut as her head swayed to the music.
My mind drifted back over the past few weeks. If I was honest with myself, I’d been thinking more and more that maybe it was time I moved back into Mum’s. The environment these days atDeb’s really wasn’t my scene, with the binge eating, the excessive drinking, and the constant smoking inside, not to mention Victor coming over several nights a week for sex and free drinks. He was just using her; it was so obvious. I wished Deb could hurry up and see it as well.
The sound of Deb clearing her throat caught my attention, so I looked at her again and sighed, trying to ignore the feeling in my chest and the nausea in my stomach. She turned to Victor, talking nonsense and laughing, which gave me a chance to talk to Seb, who’d been sitting in silence the whole night. Things felt awkward between us still, but I was trying to put that aside and see what could come of us.
‘Hey, is everything okay?’ I asked him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
He lifted his head from his phone. ‘Yeah, just feel bloody zonked.’ He let out a yawn, which made his eyes water.
‘Me too, and it’s hard to watch everyone get drunk like that,’ I said in a low voice so that only he could hear.
His voice was loud in response. ‘Why? Just have a few like you did last time we were here.’
Oh yes, when I walked around with toilet paper dangling from my pants and spewed out a car window. No thanks.
‘This kind of drinking reminds me of my dad, and it’s difficult to watch. I feel really bad I’m not enjoying myself right now, but to be honest, I feel on the verge of tears, and I just really miss him and would do anything to have him back, and staring at the alcohol makes me angry.’ My eyes were glassy, and that familiar burning feeling in my throat returned.
‘Naomi, if you’re getting triggered by this drinking, maybe we should bail?’ He arched his perfect brow.
‘I can’t do that to Deb. She’d be devastated.’ I sighed, feeling stuck.
‘But she’s got other mates here, babe. Come on. Can we please go?’ He nodded towards the door.
Deb overheard Seb and shot him a death stare, and, boy, if looks could kill, Seb would be dead right now. ‘Hey, hey, hey. Vhat’s going on, kids? Party shas just begun. Can’t leave yet!!’
I didn’t overthink Seb’s eagerness to leave and just went with it because I didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of all Deb’s guests and ruin the night. It was her birthday, and I wanted her to have fun. I didn’t need to steal her attention with my tears and have to explain why. And maybe Seb could finally prove himself and comfort me like a ‘real’ boyfriend would. Show me he wasn’t just a sleaze but a man who was capable of nurturing a woman’s feelings. The woman he supposedly loved.
‘I’m sorry, Deb. I’ve got to go,’ I said as I held the tears back.
‘Vhateverrrr.’ She grabbed the neck of the bottle and began to chug more wine down. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes showed she was furious and completely drunk.
