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I bet he did. He’d watched them for years. Lost one sister to them, and the other was…mostly fine, it seemed. But probably altered. We sat watching the glittering white drift almost aimlessly from the sky.
If it kept up at that pace, I would have trouble leaving in the morning. I certainly didn’t want to overstay my welcome, so I shot him a glance. His phone dinged, and he responded to something on it before he shut off the volume. I watched the whole thing because it was so normal.
It had been so long since I’d experienced normal.
“Nathan is concerned that you’re out in the snow. Wanted to make sure I had you.” He grinned. “I’ve assured him that I do. You would probably have gotten picked up if you hadn’t come here tonight.”
I tilted my head, considering his expression. “How do you know Nathan? And why do either of you care? I’m just another person in a world of many. Why specifically decide to helpme?”
He was quiet for a second. “Listen, I’ve dealt with more demon issues than I could’ve ever imagined. They took one of my very few people from me. James—Jamie?—she was sweet in a way that Mary and I aren’t, so the possession ate her to death from the inside out. Faster than Mary, and likely faster than what is happening to you. She tried to get it out, the way that you all do, when she was almost dead. Didn’t come to me. Maybe she didn’t think she could, maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention because she wouldn’t let me? Anyway, for whatever reason, she went to the hunters. That statistic of death from exorcisms?Yeah. It’s real. Nathan and I met through a mutual friend five years ago. We share similar beliefs and interests.”
That was interesting, but it didn’t answer my question—well, not all of it. At least I knew how Cruise Winters, assistant district attorney, knew Nathan Hall—introduced by a mutual friend because they were both irritated by demon possessions.
“And why do you care…” I let my voice trail off.
“I can’t speak for Nathan. When I told him I needed a possessed to find the possessed, he said you were the only one for the job. You seem like a nice person to me. I like to help nice people when I can. I was once…very alone. Left alone in the world without a true north. If I can help you before you finally make the choice to try to get out of it, I’m going to do that.”
My demon pushed into my eyes, but she didn’t say anything. As quickly as she took over, she vanished. I blinked, surprised.What was that about?
He stared at me for a second. “I’m going to hold your hand.”
“I don’t really like touch anymore.” I said it a lot, come to think of it. I never told Ryker the same reason I pretended to be so fine in front of him. Letting him see weaknesses was hard.
He nodded. “I know. Just bear with me a second. If you hate it, I’ll let go.”
“Okay.” That made little sense, but holding my hand wasn’t like he was trying to sleep with me. I wasn’t sure I could handle that at the moment. I’d have to stop him and probably end up leaving in the snow. Or maybe not. Cruise actually seemed like a pretty decent man, if there were any left in the world. He strung our hands together without saying anything else and then went back to looking out the window.
It wasn’t too awful. My demon was being quiet—very much so for her—and not trying to bite his hand or pull it back or hit him. All of that was a positive thing. The snow drifted in swirling clouds of white specks. Too much more and I might not be ableto leave the next day. Did I have a plan if I ended up snowed in? I yawned.
Tears filled my eyes.Oh no. What is that?I hadn’t cried in years, but sure enough, hot wet tears leaked down my face. I brushed them away with my free hand. “I don’t know what’s happening.”
That was true and there was nothing else to say about it.
“You’re touch starved. Most of you are. She doesn’t let you feel it, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t hurting you. It’s like…starving to death but not knowing. Or breaking your arm and not feeling the pain. Your ability to sense the trauma doesn’t change its impact.” He squeezed our hands tighter. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s actually a really good sign.”
I wiped away the tears again. What else was I missing? That was an incredibly disturbing thought. “A really good sign of what?”
“That you’re not dead inside.” He squeezed again.
That was even worse. Tears poured, blurring my vision even as I tried to wipe them away. “How are you doing this? It’s like you’re bypassing her tonight.”
“Not entirely. If I were able to do that, you’d be asleep upstairs. She’s keeping you awake, and you can’t even tell why you’re crying. That’s proof she’s still holding on nice and tight, but she’s probably subdued. We’ve done a lot of research about this subject.”
Who waswe?I would have to ask later because he kept speaking.
“And we know certain scents—something you’re not even being allowed to smell right now—make them kind of lazy. It’s like a little bit of a break for you, not a fix.”
I never heard of anything like a scent to quiet my demon, not ever. “What is it?”
“I can’t tell you, sorry. She’ll either make it so you’re allergic to it, burn down the trucks that deliver the stuff, or something equally awful. Eventually, she’ll build a tolerance to it, so you don’t want to use it too often. I used to put it on when my sisters would visit, which they weren’t allowed to do very much. They both liked it, so I did it for you. I didn’t ask permission because…I just didn’t.” He stared at me. “I do know about consent. I guess I want my house to be a demon-quieted zone.”
Such a ridiculous statement, but it made me smile nonetheless. “I’m glad that you did.”
“She knew it was happening—had to, even if she doesn’t know what I’m using to do it. So…yeah. You probably won’t be allowed over here very much, except I bet she also liked the food, and not freezing to death. You might be allowed to come under specific circumstances.”
I liked that thought—Cruise to the rescue when I was desperate. No one ever rescued me. Ryker and I took care of each other, but sometimes I felt like a big giant friendship burden on him, even if he wasn’t admitting it. Nathan took care of all the homeless. My mom hated me or at least she loved other things a lot more.
And I had unleashed Danvers back on the world. I was still sure there would be retribution for freeing that monster.Yeah…I’m a mess.
