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“I’ve got you,” Cruise said as he picked me up. “This is totally normal. You’ve been through so much. Mary cried and cried for months. It’s okay.”
Danvers petted my back. “I’ve cried behind closed doors a lot.”
I hadn’t even noticed, which somehow made me feel worse. I was so horrible.
“We’re leaving. Maura, we don’t do family dinners well on a good day. This isn’t a good day.” Nathan spoke fast. “I don’t know why we had to do this.”
She shouted, “We had to do this because we never do this. We had to do it because we spend our lives dealing with those evil creatures and we never take a moment to even celebrate when we’ve won. You’ve made these people your family. I’d like to know them.”
I lifted my head. “I’m sorry, Maura. You’re right, and that’s a fair request. Thank you for dinner. I’ll stop by again sometime soon. The chicken was so good, and that’s the truth. I started crying because of the chicken being so good.”
“You started crying because an evil being controlled every moment and aspect of your life and now took control of your best friend, who you were in love with for a long time.” Nathan tugged on the end of my hair, his smile boyish and teasing. “We can get out of here.”
I shook my head. “No. I was invited to dinner. I’m almost never invited to dinner.” A fresh flood of tears started, so Cruise took the hint and set me down. “If you give me a second, I’d like to go splash some water on my face. Then I’d really like to try again, okay? I don’t want your family to think of me like this, Nathan. I’d rather try to be me through a whole dinner.”
Quiet, disinterested Meg walked to me and took my hand. “You can use my room. Come on.” She suddenly seemed neither so quiet nor disinterested. In fact, she seemed kind, so I let her lead me to her bedroom. Decorated in pastels, her room looked like something out of a child’s princess dreams. Who was raising this girl? She had to be seventeen, and their parents died a long time ago. Did she live here alone with Maura, just training people to fight their demons all day?
“Is this what you want? To do what your siblings are doing?” I asked her before I walked into the bathroom. It probably was none of my business, but I was faux-pas-ing all over the place. Why stop?
She smirked at me. “Fuck no. I mean…I can’t wait to get out of here. Would you want to stay? No, I’m going away to college next year. I can’t get possessed, so I’m getting out. I guess I don’t feel called like they do to use my natural born gifts or whatever. Maybe I didn’t spend enough time with the asshole who had all that angel blood? I don’t know, but for whatever reason, I don’t see why we have to do any of it. It’s not our problem. Sorry, I’m not being very nice.”
I shook my head. “Makes total sense to me. Why would anyone do this if they didn’t have to?”
No one gave me a choice, of course. No one ever gave me choices. Life happened, and I needed to find Ryker.
I liked that Cruise and Nathan thought I was special, but not that it meant they would likely want me to do something.
She laughed. “My brother will benefit from spending time with you. He can get a little obsessed with all of the demon stuff. After you find your friend, do me a favor? Remind Nathan that there is such a thing as life after work.”
What would that be like? In her bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror for the first time since I got rid of my demon. Despite my body being quiet and obeying my control,my silent mind, and my solitary thoughts banging around in my skull, my face looked more lost than I ever saw it appear. Dark circles surrounded my eyes, leaving them looking sunken, and my inability to eat those last weeks of being possessed had left my face gaunt. I could see where some might find my reflection fashionable, but I wished for another ten pounds to fill out my face.
Ten pounds would mean I got properly fed, eating three times a day. I knew what I looked like growing up. When my mother had enough money to feed me, I looked better than when she didn’t. Ryker tried to make up the difference, when my mother failed, and just remembering that caused the tears toQ start tracking hot lines down my face again.
Quietly, I made my way back. After sitting, I stuffed a bite of chicken in my face, chewing despite the tears. I would make conversation, too, to prove I could.
And Cruise was right. Maura didn’t like him, which she made more than evident over the duration of the meal. It also became completely clear she could hardly speak because of the enormity of her crush on him. She blushed when he spoke to her and then said something terrible to him. He didn’t seem to notice but possibly because he kept looking at me. Actually, every man in the room spent a long time staring in my direction. I figured their savior complexes would have worn off, since my demon wasn’t around to make me pitiable anymore.
Nathan met my gaze over the table. “Ready to go to bed? We’ll head home first thing in the morning.”
There was that word again—home. “Nathan, do you mean my tent? I hope my stuff is still there. I’ve been gone a lot of days, though, so it would be weird if the man who watches my stuff was able to hold my spot this long.” A few places around town gave out clothing. I might get lucky and be able to get a few pieces that fit, at least, to hold me over. I’d always heldonto my jean shorts and t-shirt that I wore as part of my f-you game. But, the rest of it was hard to keep track of. I didn’t know if that problem was more about me or the demon. “Or maybe I destroyed it all myself? I can’t remember. Did I?”
Cruise shook his head. “You are not going back to your tent, Addalee, and we’ve been over that. You’ll come home with me. You and Danvers can both stay in my house. Nathan can come, too. We’ll all stay there, and when we find Ryker, we’ll bring him back here to get that fucking thing out of him.”
“How does it work? The demon was female when she was inside of me. Does her gender change, or is it still a her in there?” I realized it didn’t answer his question, so I added, “Thank you. I’ll stay for a while, at least until I can figure out where to go.”
Danvers winced. “I’m here for a while, but I’ll take you up on that when I get out.”
Nathan shook his head. “I have responsibilities in the tent cities. You can stay with me, too. I have several rooms, although I couldn’t offer you one before, when you had the demon. Originally, we intended to avoid letting the demons know what we were up to, but now that Ryker knows…well, he’s the first person to ever get possessed here.”
Cruise got to his feet. “Let’s not worry about that just yet. Come home with me tomorrow. We’ll get it figured out.”
“Wow.” Meg grinned at Nathan. “I never saw it, but you’re a lot cooler than I thought.”
He stared at his sister as Maura tried not to smirk. “Why is that?”
“You’re about to go straight into a relationship with Addie while she is also in one with all of them.” She pointed around the table seemingly randomly. “It’s very modern of you, Nathan. I give you props, big brother.”
Addie is a girl with a future.I almost said it aloud, but maybe I would have a future. At the moment, I didn’t know whatthat future might look like, and saying it reminded me too much of Ryker. Nathan chucked a roll at her, and she laughed. He said his family was messed up, but I sort of loved it. Maybe they weren’t all happy with each other all of the time, but their easy affection flowed in their every interaction. It was really the most anyone could ask for.
