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“He died in prison, or that’s what my mother always told me. They were both in prison for drugs, but he died there. He never knew me, but she kept one photo of them that a guard took. I guess it’s a big no-no, but it happened, and sometime afterward, the guard sent it to my mother.” I’d only seen it once. “I have no idea what happened to it. It’s amazing I can remember it so well, but I guess some images stay with you. That’s my father.”
The man who conceived me then died. I always wondered, if he’d lived, would it have been better or worse for me? But the man in the photograph wasn’t as young as the picture I saw, meaning he didn’t die in prison.
My heart rate kicked up and my hands shook. I shoved them in my pockets, as if stuffing them away would get rid of my panic. None of it made sense.
“My mother told me he never knew me. That he died in prison. I think they might have met in prison, where she got pregnant with me. As you know, that’s where I was born.” I sounded frantic and forced myself to breathe.This can’t be right.Maybe he had a twin brother. That had to be it.Fuck.
Cruise stared at me. “He did spend some time in prison. There was a period of time in his life when he fell into a deep despair. He didn’t want this life, felt burdened with it, so he picked up a drug problem. He eventually landed in prison for three years, probably where he met your mother. But he didn’t die there. He was released and then he found his way back to demon fighting. By the time I knew him, he had his shit well in hand and he was very upstanding. Actually, he’s one of the reasons I believe in rehabilitation. Never mind. That’s not important.”
I lifted my chin. “So he knew I existed? He had to, since he told you I would be coming. But, despite that, he had nothing to do with my life. They shoved me off on cousins and then returned me to my mother, so that she could both…neglect and abuse me, sometimes in the same day.” I held up my hands. “Never mind. This doesn’t matter. It doesn’t.” Where were the rooms? I stormed away from the picture.
“It matters.” Cruise caught up to me. “Because it hurts you. Because you were lied to. I don’t know why that happened. Did your mom really think he was dead? I can’t answer that. Maybe you should ask her. She is the one with all the answers. Or any answers. If she thought he was dead, maybe there aren’t any answers to find. He had things, though. I don’t know what happened to them. But, also, he had money. It should be yours.”
My ears rang. “Cruise…I can’t deal with this.” I didn’t want to erupt into tears again. I didn’t want to be this level of pathetic. “I’m just…done.”
“I know.” He opened the door to his room, and I stopped in the doorway, not entering. “Do you feel…responsible for me because he told you that you were? Is that why you’re with me, why you keep me with you? Is it all out of some weird sense of obligation?”
Maybe I hadn’t noticed when I was possessed, but I could think clearly again. I wanted more than to be an albatross around his neck.
“Addalee, I didn’t know you were the one when I met you. I knew you had angelic blood because Nathan told me. We do want to help people with angelic blood. We know that they can exorcise themselves and that it’s helpful. They’re good at helping others. We thought you would probably be able to perform exorcisms after you got rid of your demon. I did not in any way think you were the one Brandon told me about.” He cleared his throat. “What I feel about you is not wrapped up in my obligation to an old friend, one who kept rather large secrets from me. How I feel about you has to do with your sense of humor, the way you keep surviving things, the way that you look at me, the way that your gaze flares up, even when you were possessed, with so much strength that I am floored by it. I could keep going. You’re also beautiful. Okay? I’ll admit it. I am so fucking attracted to you that I am constantly in a state when I’m with you. You are not an obligation. You are the girl I’m trying to date, and who I want so much, I may have to share you with three other guys.”
I threw my arms around him and hung on for dear life. “You’re going to have to understand that most people don’t want me around, okay? I’m not a sought-after person. Ryker looked out for me, but it’s complicated. Even my father didn’t want to be in my life. He faked his death, maybe.”
Cruise squeezed me tightly. “I’ve been responsible for my sisters since I was too little to even know what that meant. We had paid employees who looked after us, sometimes. I did such a bad job of it, James is dead, so I may not be doing this right, either. I’m smart, but I’m also not. I might be…emotionally stunted.”
I smiled into his shoulder. “I don’t know what I am, but I wouldn’t have even thought of that phrase, emotionally stunted. I’m not educated enough to be your girlfriend.”
“Hush with that. Who says you’re not? You’re very smart, much more so than you give yourself credit for, and that demon messed with your head. Come on.” He kicked the door closed. “Let’s go to bed.”
We were quiet after that until Cruise told me he was going to take a shower. I undressed, staring at myself again in the mirror. In some ways, it was like looking at a stranger. Who was I now, without her guiding me? Mary told me she sometimes missed her demon. Did I? Not yet. Would I? Maybe. I battled other thoughts in my head for so long, how would I even adjust to fighting only my own dark musings?
Water running in the bathroom caught my attention.Oh, fuck it. I wanted to feel something that women my age experienced all the time. I wanted Cruise between my thighs, panting his need for me. I wanted to know that I was sexy, desirable, and not so broken that he’d never touch me past gentle caresses.Didn’t he say he wanted to date me?
I dropped my clothes into a pile on the floor and walked into the bathroom. He might just ask me to leave, and I could apologize and leave. Cruise hadn’t asked me to join him, after all.
When the gust of humidity hit me from the shower, I nearly lost my nerve. It had been a really long day, and braving social interactions wasn’t something I was great at without exhaustion.
He turned in the shower, the door clear so that I could watch the amazement streak across his face, followed by absolute happiness. He swung open the door, some of the water splattering onto the tile, past the brown towel he’d put down to catch the drops outside the shower.
We still hadn’t said a word, but his eyes didn’t leave my face.
I stepped under the water, allowing it to cascade over my skin in a sensual epiphany before I turned into his embrace and kissed him. Cruise gripped me tightly against his body, his cock erect and nudging into my stomach.
He took control of our kisses, forcing me back against the wall of the shower, which didn’t surprise me at all. Whatever else Cruise was or wasn’t, he wanted to be the one in charge. I slipped my tongue into his mouth just to throw him for a loop and because I wanted to make him work for that control.
Quickly, he changed positions, hoisting me up so that I had to wrap my legs around his waist for balance.
Spread against him, shivering in pleasure, reality sliced through my needs. “I’m not on any birth control. I’m sorry, I didn’t think to mention it.”
“Why are you sorry?” He kissed all over my face, his lips frantic for more as they streaked across my skin. “I’ll take care of it. I’ve got you.”
I closed my eyes and kissed him again, melting into the pleasure. Cruise really did make it easy to fall right into him.
Chapter
Thirteen
My breasts pressed against his body, my nipples tingling at the sensation of his chest hair against their sensitive points. I needed him to touch me, to stroke me, to make every part of my body feel something after being so completely alone for so long. Maybe he understood without me having to ask, because his hungry mouth and greedy hands seemed intent to find every curve and crevice of my body in his exploration. Cruise stroked my arms, twining our hands as he dragged my arms above my head so he could dive his head down to capture my nipple in his mouth. His legs held mine against the wall, the feel of his strong thighs against my legs just another layer of teasing pleasure.
