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I frowned deeply, perturbed. “Justin, what do you know about me? Or think you know about me?”
He chuckled darkly and looked at me levelly. “I know that your mind is fucked up. I was a marine, Poe. I know what PTSD is. And it doesn’t take much to recognize it, especially when someone’s got it bad. It’s not just this curse thing. It’s you and how precariously perched you are on the edge of a cliff. I don’t want him to find you in a bathtub full of blood. And Frost may be above stalking you in the police database, but I’m not. I’m not going to be the one to tell him, though.”
I didn’t say anything because there was really nothing to say. Finally, Justin said, “By the way, should I be flattered that I got shot? I didn’t realize you liked me that well.”
I smiled at him wryly. “You’re the apple of my eye, Justin.” I stood to go, sliding the chairs back to the wall, out of the way of any nurses. “I’ll see you soon. Don’t get into any trouble.”
“Poe.”
Pausing, I looked back at him lying on the hospital bed. He smiled, barely noticeably, but it was genuine. That smile was how I realized that almost all of his others had been fake. “If it makes any difference, I think you’d be really good for him if things were different. You just scare me.”
I studied him for a long time to be sure he was serious, then returned the same small smile. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
----
The spineless bitch is dead. She is dead and I have ended her and it was easy. So easy, so sweet.
And next, I will destroy him. I will rot him and spoil him and ruin him from the inside out just as I intended to years ago, just as I nearly did. But this time it will be so much bigger and so much sweeter and the worthless bitch, Poe, is in the line of fire and I would not change that for anything. No. She will die so slowly and so painfully and I will destroy them all.
----
I kept replaying what Justin had said over and over in my head that day. His words danced around me like wasps, stinging me, poisoning my mind. I was going to get Frost killed. There was no escaping that cruel reality. I did not know why Justin had been shot rather than him. I honestly didn’t know Justin well enough to have much of a tie to him; it would have made far more sense for Frost or Liz to be hurt if the shooting was really related to the curse. What the shooting did tell me was that my first nightmare, my firstlivingnightmare, had already begun.
I got even less writing done that day than usual, an impressive feat on my part, and Frost picked me up at four, as promised. Back at his apartment, though, after having picked up more of my clothes, I found myself taking up space on his couch. Frost was filling out paperwork on a case that had been closed the week prior, so I was doing nothing but rereadingWuthering Heights. Finally, I gave up and said to him, “I’m going to check out the pool. Just stick my feet in.”
Frost looked up from his work, which had spilled over the entire dining table, in wary concern. “Do you want me to come with? I’d really rather you didn’t wander alone.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “I’ll be fine, Frost. Be back soon.” With nothing more, I left the apartment behind and began slowly wandering down the hall like a ghost. The building was dimly light by wall sconces meant to provide ambience, but I saw shadows creeping around every corner, reaching towards me with outstretched claws. I ignored them, hoping the statement I fought them off with was true.I’m going to escape you. I’m finally going to escape you.
It took a lot of trial-and-error and for a while I had to follow the smell of chlorine, but I finally found the pool room. Opening the thick glass door, a wave of humidity hit me instantly. I smiled slightly and tasted the chlorine in the air. The air was very warm and thick, like a fluffy blanket. The pool room was deserted and better lit than the hallways I had traveled through to get there, so it was rather peaceful.
I crossed to the very edge of the pool, looking into its depths. The water was eight feet deep at that end of the pool and made a gentle slope up to three feet at the other end by the steps. A diving board stretched out over the calm blue water beside me.
Carefully crouching by the edge, I pulled off my shoes and socks, then stood back up to my full height, dragging off two layers of sweaters so I was perched on the edge of the pool in just my jeans and a black cami. I had never done anything that resembled swimming beyond taking a bath. Ever. I only knew the basics from watching movies. That was why this was the perfect solution to my problems. It was a totally fresh start.
Taking a deep breath to ready myself, I stepped up onto the diving board and slowly paced to the very end, three feet out from the poolside. I smiled and closed my eyes tightly, then inched forward until I felt the wiggling board’s edge disappear from beneath the tips of my toes. As the diving board bent slightly with the weight, I raised myself up on my tip-toes, perfectly balanced so that the slightest movement forward would send me into that water.
Would the water be cold? I doubted it considering the temperature in the air. I was sweating already. It could not be that cold. It wouldn’t be like I was diving into the icy outdoor pool at the Frost manor. Then again, I wouldn’t exactly be jumping into the Faucetts’ heated pool at the Fourth of July neighborhood block party.
I shook off the thoughts. The entire point of this was to purge my mind, not think more. I bent my knees slightly and took a deep breath, holding the thick oxygen in my lungs, then, before I could think better of it, leapt off the end of the diving board.
There was a crash of water around me, then it faded away into muted tranquility. The water wasn’t cold, but it was a bit of a shock after the humid air. It felt so fresh and clean, like all my troubles had been left on the diving board. I felt freer than I ever had in my life, completely weightless.
My feet gently touched the floor of the pool, then I began floating back up towards the surface. I didn’t want to go back to the surface, though. I knew what waited for me there. The crushing, thick air would surely suffocate me. I opened my eyes. The chlorine stung my eyes and nose a little, but I didn’t really notice. I had a high tolerance for pain. The water was so pure and clear and blue, just like I’d imagined it would be. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. But I was floating back towards the surface. It took me only a second to figure out why and I stopped holding the oxygen in my lungs and breathed a little out through my nose. My floating slowed down. I smiled and breathed out as much oxygen as I could through my nose until I began to sink again. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but then I relaxed my muscles and fell to the bottom.
My ears popped from the pressure change and I laughed, a funny echo of a sound underwater. I lied flat on the bottom of the pool, staring up at the rays of light streaming through the bubbling water. Soon the bubbles disappeared and it was just the uninterrupted streaks of white.
I had never in my life felt more at peace. I never wanted it to end.
My chest started to feel kind of tight and empty. It was almost a kind of panicky feeling. I oppressed it easily, concentrating solely on the blue water, on the strands of my dark hair that floated around me. It wasn’t until my vision started to get kind of fuzzy that I realized the panicky feeling was oxygen deprivation. It was a basic instinct, but I’d in effect turned off all survival instincts when I had hit the water. I knew I was drowning myself, but it just felt so calm. I shut my eyes and wondered if I could sleep here and avoid the nightmares. My mind wandered and I vaguely wondered if, being the last direct Poe descendant, the curse would end if I died.
But no. I could not sleep. The average human could go almost four minutes without oxygen and survive, but only about two minutes before falling unconscious. I could tell from the funny vision and exhaustion that I was almost to my two minute mark. If I passed out, I would drown down here. I would die. Justin’s worried accusations rang in my ears like a gong and I could see in my mind’s eye the look of horror and pain on Frost’s face when he found me floating at the bottom of the pool, lifeless.
I snapped my eyes open and the need pressing my lungs and making my head throb hit me like a bus. I scrambled to get upright, to try and float upwards again, but I couldn’t figure it out. I tried to kick up, but wasn’t getting anywhere. I had no oxygen in my lungs to help me and I wasn’t coordinated enough. The movies were very different from reality.
My throat burned and I coughed, eyes popping as water rushed into my mouth and down my throat. The panic grew and my throat burned more and I coughed again, swallowed more water, so much water. My nose felt like it was on fire on the inside from the chlorine. I choked and water filled my lungs and stomach to the brim, sinking me down towards the bottom faster. Black fuzzy spots blotted at my eyesight, clouding the entrancing water.
I fell against the bottom again, choking. Slowly, exhaustion took over again. I was so stupid. So incredibly stupid. I had never felt more idiotic in my life and I was going to die for it.
