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I paid the cabbie extra to help me bring everything upstairs to my apartment. When he had gone, I began packing my possessions into grocery bags. I took more of my clothes, the rest of my toiletries, my favorite books, the rest of my medications. Whenever we had time to think again, Frost and I would come back for the rest of my things. After Mr. Aaron’s threat had reached me in the hospital, I had eventually had to tell Frost about the letter and he’d insisted that I could move in with him or Liz, but made me promise that I would give my landlord my one-month notice. Mr. Aaron had gotten in this apartment once before and he would again.
Then, I began to read through some faded spiral notebooks from one of the cardboard boxes. The spidery handwriting was eerily similar to my own and I quickly deduced it to be my father’s.
At first, I thought I was reading one of his horror stories that Mrs. Aaron had mentioned him writing. The narrator was describing how everyone around him had died. They had been murdered or died accidentally in the most horrendous ways. One of them was buried alive. But then a line leapt out at me:If I could protect her, if I could convince her I didn’t love her and thus save her, I would in a heartbeat. I’d give up all we have to save her life. But, please, God, please…I beg you not to take my Elaina… I’m so sorry. I’d bleed my accursed veins dry if that would save her. It’s ALL my fault. Every one of them should still be alive. I have MURDERED them.
I shuddered, eyes wide in horror, and threw the notebook from me like it was on fire.
NINETEEN
I couldn’t shake my father’s words. Hours afterward, they still echoed in my mind, dancing upon the fragile foundation of my sanity. I was sitting on Frost’s couch silently listening to them taunting me when he returned from the precinct. His entrance seemed to shatter the tangible silence and guilt in the room and theka-chinkof his keys being thrown onto the counter was like a cymbal in my brain. “They have a lead on her. They think she was in New York the day Mrs. Faucett died. That was the last transaction on her credit card. They’re chasing her on grounds of parole violation, but she’s probably not a suspect in the Faucett case anymore.” I heard him stop at the end of the couch, but didn’t look at him. After a moment, he whispered, “Poe? What’s wrong?”
“I’m not worth it, Frost,” I answered, my voice cold and nearly inaudible. Slowly, I stood and turned from him, walking aimlessly away.
After a beat of confusion, Frost said, “What are you talking about? What did Mrs. Aaron tell you?”
I didn’t look back at him, but could hear him cautiously approaching me from behind. “Almost nothing. She gave me some old boxes that belonged to my family. There were some writings of my father’s.” I gritted my teeth, trying to drown the words in my head. “The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because Edgar told me it wouldn’t stop the curse.”
“Poe, you can’t think like that!” Frost said, his hand cupping my shoulder in alarm. I jerked out of his reach, spinning to face him and backing away from him. His eyes went wide, disturbed by my reaction. I knew exactly what he was thinking. My guilt had taken us right back to where our relationship began, with him trying to reach out and me slamming a steel door in his face. Everything that had happened in the past few weeks had annihilated what we’d had. All the times he’d held me, the way we’d kissed, the words we’d said to one another. I was pushing it all back at him again.
“Please…” Frost whispered, his ice-blue eyes bleeding. “Please don’t do this. Don’t you understand…God.” He shook his head and tried to step towards me. I stepped back, my throat burning in an effort to choke back the pain. He stopped and shook his head again, arms outspread in surrender. “Poe, there’s nothing else this curse can do to me. Don’t you see that? I have Justin, but he’s far stronger than I am. I’ll be dead long before it will be able to take him from me. That leaves you. You are all I have left to lose.”
Trying to blink coming tears from my eyes, I bit my lip and looked away again, backing up against the pane of the bedroom door. Slowly, Frost stepped closer to me, then stopped when those eyes of molten ice were only inches from my own. His hand was shaking as he slowly lifted it, as if he was afraid to touch a delicate piece of china. The very tips of his fingers touched the side of my face, brushing a strand of dark hair back over my shoulder, and his thumb ever so gently stroked my cheekbone. My eyes locked with his and the tears slowly, silently, brimmed over because I couldn’t seem to blink, I was frozen so. His own eyes were wet as he looked down at me and whispered, “Don’t you believe it. Not for a second. Don’t believe you’re not worth it. You’re worth every bit of it and so much more.” He swallowed shakily, barely breathing his next words. “You’re all I have. Please. Please don’t do this.”
That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I fell apart. My eyes tightened shut and the muscles in my face tightened to a grimace as I bent my head, my shoulders slumping in defeat, letting the despair take me. “It’s all my fault. Oh God, Frost, it’s all my fault.” My legs gave out and I slumped to the floor, curling into a tight ball with my head on my knees. Frost knelt before me, gently putting a hand on my shoulder as I shook. “Their blood is on my hands and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. Because of who I am, they’re all dead now and they’re just the beginning. Before long, there’ll be no one left, just me and a bunch of headstones like in that damn nightmare.” I knew I was borderline hysterical, but I was too tired and hurt to stop it.
Frost pulled me tight against his chest, holding me in my little ball as he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, ever so gently laying me down on the bed, then crawling under the covers beside me, curling me into his chest again. “It’s okay, sweetie,” he whispered. “None of that is true and you know it. None of this is your fault. No one blames you. It’s okay; we’re going to figure this thing out and stop it. Nothing’s going to happen to me, or Justin and Liz, or anyone else. We’ll fix this, I promise. I’ll stay with you and if you start having that nightmare, I’ll wake you, okay? Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get some sleep.”
I felt like every piece of me that had been broken in the past was shattering and wrenching itself free at once. There were a thousand little cracks in my soul and each one was widening and ripping me apart. And somehow, I knew it wasn’t over. Somehow, I knew there was a nightmare coming to destroy me.
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The red is everywhere. It is in my eyes, it is on my skin, it is in my throat, drowning me, keeping me from screaming. Blue Hellfire is staring down at me. He shoves me back against the red wall. His hands are on me, his hands are on me, HIS HANDS ARE ON ME.
I’m screaming until my throat splits and bleeds, I’m shoving him away, I’m clawing at his awful face, I’m screaming at him, screaming, screaming, SCREAMING.
“If I can’t have her, I’ll have you.”
STUPID BITCH. Don’t turn your back on me, STUPID BITCH.
White-hot knife. It burns, it burns, it burns…
Don’t tell, never tell. Don’t tell, never tell. I’ll let you go if you never tell. Don’t you say a FUCKING word, or I’ll blow your STUPID brains out. I’ll send you to Hell with your STUPID parents…
“POE! Poe, wake up!”
My eyes snapped open wide and I was staring up right into Frost’s glimmering blue eyes. I lied there in silence, shaking. After what seemed like an eternity, I shuddered and swallowed hard, tasting blood. I’d bitten my lip. Slowly, Frost released my hands and shifted to lie beside me on the bed. When I had recovered enough to look at him again, I realized that his face was like a painting, a study in shock.
“Can you talk about it?” he whispered, his voice shaking. I made no response, still horrified by the nightmare and now by the look on his face. Frost gently took my hand in his. “I heard you scream his name. Mr. Aaron’s.”
I nodded, my muscles stiff with terror at what he might ask. “Yes. I had a nightmare…about the time he gave me the scar on my neck.” I swallowed hard again and tried to control my shuddering muscles.
“You didn’t tell me everything, did you?”
I saw the fear, the pain, the nausea in his face and I knew at once that I had said something in my sleep, something truly horrible. “Why?”
Frost looked down at his hand clutching mine and seemed to be fighting the urge to be sick. “Because…in your sleep…you screamed at him to…get his hands off of you. But it wasn’t your neck you were worried about. You…” he swallowed hard, trying to force the words out. “Poe, you were clawing at your chest.”
