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But it’s not that easy. It never is.
“No,” I say after a moment of silence “I don’t think, Dereck, that family is for scooping your near lifeless body off the floor. I don’t think family is for that.”
My words must catch him off guard, because for a moment we stare at each other, a heavy, uncomfortable silence settling over the room.
“Did you attempt suicide?” he asks finally. He looks afraid to hear the answer. I rub my hand over my face and look at the floor again, focusing on the fibers in the carpet to distract myself from crying in front of him.
“Yeah, once.” My voice trembles, breathing sharp, and I hate how talking about this makes me feel. “After that night at the party.” My chest is so tight, like I’ll never breathe normally again, and after a moment, I force myself to look once more at Dereck. “I was depressed. Riddled with anxiety.”
The word slips from between my lips like poison, and a cold shudder passes through me. As Dereck’s eyes search my face, a small tear escapes from the corner of my eye and trickles down my face. As I reach my hand up to wipe it away, Dereck is there suddenly, sitting down next to me on my bed, and he reaches one hand up to dry my face.
“It’s why I got into medicine,” I continue quietly. “I want to be a nurse, to help people.”
His touch is electrifying, so startling that I almost pull away.
Almost.
“I remember,” Dereck murmurs, running the front of his thumb over my hot skin. “It was the last time we ever saw you. I’m sorry, Rowan. I’m sorry for what we did to you. I’m sorry for what I did to you.”
“Yeah, well, you weren’t the only ones, I promise.” I shrug and sniff, looking away from him, but I can’t will myself to move away from his touch. The closer I am to Dereck, the more desperate I become for him. I feel hot all over, like my skin is smoldering, and all I really want is Dereck to rip my clothes off and take me, right here and right now. I want him to fill me up, make me scream his name. I want to feel his skin beneath my fingernails. I want to—
Fuck, I just want him.
“So, what’s the deal with Doucheboy?” He’s trying to make conversation, probably for the distraction, but the thought of Jason makes me hesitate. I shrug and pull my bottom lip between my teeth to chew on it, a bad habit I’ve had for years.
“He asked if I wanted to go on a date, and I said yes.”
“Do you like him?”
“Yes.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
I must hesitate for a second too long, because Dereck shifts closer to me, and when I glance down, I see the bulge in his jeans growing, stiffening, and a sliver of excitement travels through me. I’m going crazy. Blood pulses through my veins, every area heating like hot lava, ready to explode like an active volcano.
Chill out, Rowan, I think to myself. You’re going to scare him away.
Ha. Right. Like a man like Dereck Denny could possibly be frightened away by the likes of me.
“I … I think he’s nice,” I say slowly. “He’s cute. In a … in a boyish kind of way.”
Slowly, Dereck’s fingers itch towards my thigh. Our gazes are locked, faces so close that I finally notice a small, striking scar right above his left brow. I wonder how long that’s been there.
“Just cute?” he whispers in my ear, fingers trailing up and down my bare arm.
I don’t realize I’m still chewing on my lip until I taste blood, but I don’t care. It only drives me more. Dereck smells so good, some scent of spice and forest, mixed with tough leather. I want to lean into him, close my eyes, and just smell him … just touch him … just let him take me.
Dereck’s fingers are sliding down my inner thigh as he leans in, lips gently brushing my own, testing me. My eyes flutter shut and I moan, because just the touch of his skin and the smell of him is sending electric pulses through my body. His lips brush mine again, and for a fleeting moment I hesitate, but as Dereck’s hand slips between my legs and holds the warm area between my thighs, that’s all it takes.
I slip my tongue between his lips, desperate for him, as one hand reaches down and takes hold of his cock, stroking it. A gasp of pleasure slips out of Dereck, and that’s all the excuse he needs. He pushes me down on the bed, hard, and straddles me, his face coming down in a long, passionate kiss that I swear makes sparks shoot from the end of my toes. He puts his knee between my legs and rubs, firing me up, reaching one hand under my shirt to knead my stiff nipples, now hard and begging for him. I reach my hands down and unclasp the button on his jeans and he shimmies them off, his dick hard and erect in his boxers, ready to take me. He pulls the shirt over my head and throws it aside, then does the same with my bra, releasing my breasts. His mouth closes over one of them and I squeal with a mix of pleasure and pain, thrusting my hips up to meet his.
“Wait,” I whisper, holding his face between my hands. “Get a condom. Top drawer.”
He does this so quickly I don’t even have time to gather myself before he’s on me again, this time without his boxers. He rips open the condom and looks down to put it on, but I take it from him and slowly shake my head, then scoot to the edge of the bed to put it on him myself, rolling it down as far as I can with my lips alone. Dereck grunts, his head falling back as I suck and tease, twirling my tongue around his cock. When I draw my head back, Dereck is looking down at me, a smoldering fire gaining flames behind his eyes. He smiles that confident, sexy smile and pushes me back down again, shimmying off my own pants and lace underwear. I wrap my legs around his waist and squeeze, pulling him so close to me that I feel our bodies might become one.
As his lips ravish mine, Dereck pushes himself into me, hard, and my body reacts in erotic anguish. Our hips mold together, rocking, thrusting, and I scream out, unable to contain myself. My fingernails cling and dig into the soft, warm skin on his back, and I feel like if I let go of him, I’ll just fall, fall into a land of beautiful chaos and never return …
I’m Alice, and this must be Wonderland.
