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Esme thought about that and then nodded. “Despite having my heart broken all over again, I don’t regret any of the choices I made with Ryder.”
“You’d sleep with him all over again?” her sister asked.
“Oh, I definitely don’t regret that.”
Bea chuckled. “And you think you can stay platonic with him?”
“I have to,” Esme said with a sigh. “Whether he truly loves me and is too afraid to admit it, or his heart was irreparably damaged by his past hurt, I guess I’ll never know. But I’m going to do what’s right for my babies.”
“Let’s plan a trip to Remi’s Reads soon,” Bea suggested. “I think you’re going to have a lot of long nights to fill.”
Esme groaned and then hugged her sister. “That’s the truth.”
Chapter Fifteen
The following five days were hell for Ryder. True to her word, Esme continued to be cordial and seemingly willing to share the parental duties with him, but that was no comfort given how difficult he found it to be near her without the closeness they’d so recently shared.
It went beyond the physical, although he yearned to touch and hold her. Even more, he felt the loss of the small smiles she’d seemed to save just for him. He missed how he could talk to her about anything, from the details of his day at the office to random bits of news he heard around town.
Gone were the quiet nights of sitting next to her on the sofa, each of them engrossed in their own book, and the nightly ritual of putting the boys down as a team with the two of them joining together to sing their babies a lullaby, either his favorite Bruce selections or the classics she was teaching him.
Although she invited him to dinner each night, it wasn’t the same. She usually had some excuse for not eating with him and suggested they take turns handling bedtime for Chase and Noah.
Ryder felt as though he were the one being handled, and he didn’t like it one bit. But he kept a smile on his face when he was with her because the alternative of navigating the change in their relationship seemed to be fully disengaging and dividing their time with the boys.
That was the worst thing he could imagine, not just because of his own experience as a child of divorce. He didn’t want to lose the connection he and Esme shared, even though it felt as though the future he wanted was slipping through his fingers.
A knock at the door startled him. It was almost ten in the morning, but he’d called the office earlier to say he was working from home. He hadn’t told anyone that he and Esme were now living apart. It would have to come out sooner than later, but he didn’t want to see pity or disappointment in the eyes of the people who knew him best. And pretending that everything was okay for the past few days at the office had been excruciating, which was why the work-from-home scenario seemed a viable option.
He got up from the small desk that sat against the back wall of his kitchen and went to answer the door. His mail was still being delivered to Esme’s, but it could be one of his neighbors or an errant package.
“What the hell have you done?” his father asked by way of a greeting when Ryder opened the door.
“Hey, Dad.” Ryder ran a hand through his unwashed hair and wished he’d changed into something besides the T-shirt and athletic shorts he’d slept in. “This is a surprise.”
Chandler wore a bright white oxford and tan wool pants instead of his usual dark-colored slacks, a nod to casual Fridays at the office. “I’m sure it’s not as big of a surprise as I had. I stopped by Esme Fortune’s house this morning.”
“Why were you at Esme’s? I thought you were in Dallas and Phoenix until the beginning of next week.”
The company had recently purchased a property in Arizona nestled in the foothills of the Sedona mountains. Although his father hadn’t been scheduled to oversee the transition to a new management team, he’d decided to parlay an overnight trip to Dallas into a week in Arizona.
Ryder had assumed the trip was partially prompted by Chandler’s avoidance of Esme and Chase. He didn’t know why his dad was so reluctant to meet his second grandson and Esme, but the subtle rejection stung, so he’d stopped issuing invitations.
Didn’t it figure that his dad chose the week that Ryder’s life imploded to show back up like he’d been ready to take an active interest all along?
“Your timing is absolutely perfect, given how my life is going right now.”
Chandler raised a heavy brow. “Are you going to invite me in, or am I interrupting you watching the morning talk shows?”
Ryder laughed despite the joke falling flat. “As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with one of the vendors negotiating a new contract. No need to paint me as an underachiever, Dad. I might not have Brandon’s slick manner, but the label doesn’t fit.”
Esme had taught Ryder that he shouldn’t have to change who he was to win his father’s approval, and he’d be forever grateful for her faith in him.
His dad walked into the apartment and glanced around. “Her house is a hell of a lot homier.”
“Agreed. I’ve got coffee and some stale muffins from the grocery if you want breakfast.”
Chandler patted his trim stomach. “Esme made me an omelet while I visited with my grandsons. It was delicious.”
