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Brandon sat up straighter and pulled Chase close to his chest as he stared at Ryder. “I can’t decide if you’re just lying to me or if you hope to convince yourself to believe the lie as well. Listen to Dad in there. If he can pull it out after all these years, then you’ve got a great chance of fixing things with Esme.”
He shook his head. “How am I supposed to fix things with a woman who doesn’t want me? I don’t know why everybody thinks this is my fault. She’s the one who ended it with me. I wanted to marry her.”
“She wanted you to love her.”
Nerves skittered through Ryder like centipedes crawling over his skin. Unable to sit still, he rose from the chair and started pacing back and forth. Noah made a sound of protest before settling back against his chest again.
“You know I can’t do that. I tried to love Steph, and it made things worse. Why would I risk that with Esme? She’s too important. I lo...” He shook his head. “Never mind.”
Brandon pointed at Ryder, then touched the tip of his finger to his nose. “That’s it exactly. You were going to say you love her.”
“Was not,” Ryder muttered.
“You love her,” Brandon repeated, “and you don’t even have to try. It just happened. You weren’t planning on it, and it scares you. I get that.”
“How do you get it?” Ryder demanded. “You ever been in love?”
Brandon shook his head and looked uncharacteristically somber. “No, but I’d like to experience it, especially with somebody as well suited to me as Esme is to you. Don’t you see? This is the ultimate prize.”
Ryder shot him a glare. “Wait. Are you saying that I’ve screwed it up, so now you’re going to try to make a move on Esme? Because that’s a terrible idea, Bran.”
“First, I’m offended you would suggest that, although I understand my history with your girlfriends isn’t stellar. I wouldn’t do something like that now, and even if I did, Esme is head over heels in love with you, buddy. I’ve seen how she looks at you and how giddy she gets when you smile at her. At least admit to yourself that you love her too because it’s pretty dang obvious to the rest of us.”
Ryder could hardly breathe around the emotion swelling in his chest. “Of course, I love her,” he said quietly. “But what good does it do me other than create the potential for experiencing more pain? This can’t just be about the two of us. The boys are involved, so if I mess it up, there’s way more at stake than my heart. The last thing I want is to hurt her or our sons.”
“I hate to be the one to break it to you, bro. But that train has left the station. You did hurt her, but she’s willing to put aside her feelings for the sake of Chase and Noah. Imagine what could happen if you took the risk. It’s not going to get worse, but it sure could get a hell of a lot better if you tell her how you feel and stop letting fear run the show.”
Ryder closed his eyes and let the fear wash over him. His fear of being hurt and being rejected—of being alone. But the biggest fear of all was losing Esme.
What if she met somebody else? What if he had to watch her with another guy?
Noah wriggled in his arms, and he wondered if the baby could feel Ryder’s heart thundering in his chest. “Am I the biggest idiot on the planet?” Ryder asked the baby.
“Quite possibly,” Brandon answered in his pretend child’s voice.
“Rhetorical question,” he muttered.
“The better question is, what are you going to do about it?”
Chandler walked into the room at that moment. “What did I miss?” he demanded as his gaze moved between his sons.
“I love Esme,” Ryder said quietly.
“Yes, I know, son.” His father nodded. “It’s about time you figured it out.”
And now that he had, Ryder needed to find a way to convince her to give him another chance.
Chapter Seventeen
When the doorbell rang an hour later, Esme assumed it was Ryder home with the boys. He’d insisted on returning her house key to her, even though she’d told him to keep it.
“Hi, Esme,” Ruby Ashwood said as she held up a hand in a nervous wave. “Is this a bad time? I was hoping to talk to you for a minute.”
“This is a fine time,” Esme said. She wasn’t certain why the hairs on her arm stood on end and a slight shiver passed through her. She took a step back to let Ruby enter. “Ryder took Chase and Noah to visit their grandpa. They should be back soon.”
Ruby blew out a breath. “I’m relieved to get the chance to talk to you one-on-one. Ryder is super handsome, but he’s kind of intense. The guy doesn’t smile much, does he?”
To Esme, it felt like he smiled all the time. Maybe she projected that on him, or perhaps he saved his smiles for her. “He laughs at the boys often enough.” She supposed she had no reason to be loyal to him anymore, but it was her nature when she loved someone. That was how she knew her heartache over her late husband had been more about his betrayal than the loss of him.
