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“I dated a Malaria once, and then she married the president,” Austin said, earning a laugh from those around him, including Jake, who smiled and shook his head.
I tried not to let him get to me and kept on going. “Malaria won’t be the only thing you will have to take precautions against. The drinking water and food-borne illness are two more problems that people face when visiting the Amazon.
“Some of the precautions we’ll be taking include the use of insect repellent and mosquito nets, drinking bottled water, and only eating food prepared and provided by crafts services. If you eat out away from the set, please make sure your food is fresh.”
Tess raised her hand. “Does that mean that there will be restaurants in the area? Or are we talking about being in the deep jungle?”
“There are nearby cities, and I am just making sure you understand in case you venture out on your own.”
“Oh damn,” Austin said. “Does this mean there aren’t any spas? Tess is going to need her Botox.”
Tess reached out and smacked Austin’s arm. “I’m just trying to figure out what we’re in for. I heard that I had to get vaccinated. Can’t I just get a shot that will cover all of this, and then I don’t have to worry about it?”
“I’m afraid that isn’t how it works, but yes, you are correct. You will be getting a round of vaccinations, and I’ve ordered survival packs for everyone. This will include personal mosquito nets, as well as one for your bed.”
“Make sure mine fits a double, would you?” Tess asked. “I’ve asked for a larger bed for my back.”
“Sure, that’s the reason,” Austin quipped. “Make mine to fit a double too. You know. For my back.”
“Stuntmen can’t make such demands,” Tess replied.
“Well, then maybe you’ll share.” Austin moved away as if anticipating another smack.
Tess blushed and poked him in the arm. “In your dreams.”
“Come on, guys,” Jake said. “Can’t you let her finish?”
Austin gave Jake a knowing look, and Tess sank down in her chair. She met my eyes. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ll have time for questions at the end of this.”
“Oh, perfect.” Tess sat up straight as if to say she was willing to wait.
“Anyway, there will be different things in your packs as well as further information about the wildlife, local customs, and food. You’ll also need sunscreen, so if you have a preference, you may want to pack that, but if you forget, some will be provided in your kits as well.”
I looked over my notes and then found my place. It was hard to continue without looking at Jake, who had not taken his eyes off of me the entire time, not even when he scolded his friends for acting like high schoolers.
“And lastly, let’s talk about your apparel. Each of you are responsible for making sure you have the appropriate clothing, and I encourage you to read over the information that I will hand you as you leave. It’s important to cover as much skin as possible.”
“Damn, there goes my speedo,” Austin teased, earning a giggle from Tess, who quickly recovered.
“No swimming allowed, per insurance,” Ben yelled from the back of the room.
I had to take back control again, and they were going to want to hear the next part. “Yes, trust me. You won’t want to go swimming. For one, there will be no sanitary pools, and the ones in the wild are filled with parasites and a small fish called candiru. They are also known as toothpick fish and like to swim up your urethra.”
The room erupted with sounds of disdain, and even Jake was making a face at that information.
“Besides that,” I continued as the sound died down. “There are also leeches and piranha in most of the waters.”
“Are the leeches only in the water?” a woman in the back asked.
“Some are but not all. Things also could be worse, depending on the wet seasons.”
“Is quicksand real?” Tess asked. “Can it really kill you?”
“It’s not very likely you’ll die from quicksand, but it does exist. My number one advice for any of you is to use the buddy system. Do not wander far from camp. There will be jaguars and large snakes.”
More noise from the crowd erupted as everyone began talking about snakes.
“You mean they’ll just be out in the wild? Like everywhere?” Tess wrapped her arms around her middle.
“Yes,” I said, though no one was listening. “They roam everywhere in the Amazon. And while you might see a pretty frog or insect and think it’s safe to touch it, keep in mind that most species have bright colors as a warning for a reason.”
I grew nervous as the chatter continued. “The poison dart frog is a great example. They come in many brilliant colors, and while that makes it appear dangerous to its predators in the wild, it makes them—” I was flailing. Things were out of control.
