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“Don’t tell the others. They won’t trust you anymore. I swear to God, my brother thinks doing dishes would cause erectile dysfunction,” I said. Luke laughed, a loud, booming laugh. I felt myself smile because I’d made him laugh like that. It made me feel good.
“But he’s letting you handle the lumberyard on your own. You’d think his manly image would demand more.”
“First off, nobody lets me do anything. I’m handling the lumberyard. It’s bad enough having to fight Daddy about it every day because he thinks Ryan would do so much better at it—” I broke off, ashamed of myself. “I’m sorry. I must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed today, Luke, don’t mind me. You know I love Ryan, and he’s an excellent brother. He even came over the other night so I could go out with my friends.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” he said, but it didn’t sound like he believed me when I said Ryan was an excellent brother. I wasn’t sure I believed myself either. I just wished I hadn’t complained like that. Ryan and Daddy could’ve heard me. And Luke must think I spend all day feeling sorry for myself. It was embarrassing, and I wished all at once that he’d never come over. That I’d never let myself feel so comfortable with him. Because I’d let it slip that I was second-best and always had been, and I was resentful about it. I shook my head, thinking maybe it was a good thing my mama couldn’t see me now. She sure as hell didn’t raise me to complain about private family matters to dinner guests, much less let them help with the dishes while I did.
6
Luke
Since Ryan and Donnie were in the living room having a beer with the TV blaring, I took a chance.
“You want to go for a walk? You can see the fireflies come out. You used to chase those things all over. Come back with a jarful of them to use as a nightlight.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve stopped killing God’s creatures for indoor lighting now, you’ll be glad to know,” she said uncomfortably. She looked like she was shrinking away from me, like she wanted to say no. Any second she was going to say she had a headache. Ryan came in and basically rescued her. I saw her smile at him, the opposite of the way she’d looked when he interrupted us out by the grill earlier.
“Are you ready to go?” he said.
“Go? Sarah Jo and I were getting ready to go for a walk,” I said.
“I thought we’d go get a drink, just the two of us. Come on. I’ll buy you a beer,” he said eagerly.
I couldn’t see any way around it without making it awkward. I shrugged. “Sure, Ryan, let’s go. I’ll drive,” I said, not wanting him behind the wheel since he’d already had a few. “Sarah Jo, sorry about the walk.”
“No, I’m good. You boys go have fun. I’m tired anyway,” she said, with a look like relief on her face. From the tension in her smile to the way her shoulders were tight and lifted, she looked like every inch of her wanted to get the hell away from me. I wondered what I’d done wrong, but there was no point sticking around and asking.
I drove to Bryant’s because I didn’t want to hang out at my parents’ bar that night. I’d get to see a different crowd and not get roped into tending the bar. Bryant’s was grimier than Cecil’s, and their menu consisted of nuts, wings, and whatever crawled across your table. They had cheap beer, bad whiskey, and the cops had to break up a fight there about once a week. I got us a bowl of nuts and a couple of beers while Ryan grabbed us a table. He made a show of wiping it with his monogrammed handkerchief, which probably didn’t make him popular with the management. He waved a barmaid over and ordered a whiskey while I sifted through the nuts to make sure there weren’t any bugs in the bowl. Satisfied, I shelled a couple of peanuts. I was about to ask him how the promotion was going when he launched into a divorce story.
“Hey, I hope you didn’t mind Sarah Jo bugging you earlier. I know she can be a little annoying. She’s been a big help with Dad though,” he said.
I took a swallow of beer to choke down the resentment I felt at his remark. I shelled a couple more nuts, lined them up on the table, not really planning to eat them. I needed to go clean a kitchen or scrub some trash cans because anger was rising in me.
“She’s not annoying, and she’s not a bother,” I said neutrally. “It’s good to see her again.”
