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“Don’t your parents take you for granted sometimes? Expect you to drop everything and show up?” she said.
“Yeah. You’ve got a point. My dad was pretty surprised when I said I wasn’t going to cover for the guy who called in tonight.”
“Because you literally never tell him no, is my guess. I do that, like assume it’s my responsibility to do whatever’s expected. Did it feel weird to say no?”
“Yeah. I felt like I should’ve done that instead of staying here. I think maybe that’s part of the whole fireman thing. I think I’m responsible for other people. I like being needed.”
“I think most people do. But it’s kind of surprising to hear that from a man. I thought it was more of a woman thing, meeting other people’s needs,” she said.
“I’m pretty in touch with my feelings. I had to do an anger management course about a year ago. We had a horrible fire and afterward I was just pissed all the time and took it out on guys on the crew. Guys I love like family. It was a problem. So I did this class and worked on ways to name my feelings and be constructive. Like if I’m really angry, I clean something or find a heavy chore that needs to be done. Keeping a journal helped. It sucked, and I hated it, but it helped. I had to for part of the class, and then I had to talk with a counselor about it. I was resentful and had this sublimated anger. It’s really touchy-feely crap, but it helped.”
“That’s amazing. The fact that you did it, and you embraced it. That’s pretty impressive,” she said. She seemed like she meant it. Like it was a good thing and not proof that I was defective or out of control.
“It changed everything. I still get mad. I just don’t make a complete ass out of myself over it,” I admitted.
“That’s a skill more people need to be taught. I can think of one person in particular.”
“Yeah, it’s just getting him to see that for himself is going to be the rough part.”
Sarah Jo sighed and looked a little lost. I scooted over to her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She leaned into me and hugged me back and the feeling was heaven.
“Sarah Jo, I missed you,” I said.
“I missed you, too. I liked college, and I mean to go back sometime and finish, but it’s been good to be back home too. I missed Maggie and Layla and Gracie, missed seeing my family and friends. And you’re part of that.”
“If you chose this moment to tell me that you think of me as a brother, I’m going to have to go clean something. Like the whole house and garage,” I teased.
“So you’re saying if I piss you off over at my dad’s you might clear out the basement for us? Cause there are Christmas decorations down there from like 1985.”
“No, I’m not the Hull. You can’t just anger me to get me to do your bidding.”
“Too bad,” she teased, then sighed again.
“You’re really important to me. I’ve always known you would be there. I’ve always known you had my back if something went wrong.”
“And I always will,” I told her.
She looked up at me and smiled sweetly. “I know. We don’t deserve you, Ryan and me. You know that, right?”
I shook my head and tipped her chin up, so her eyes stayed on mine. “I’m not the saint you’re making me out to be Sarah Jo. You deserve more. More than anything I might be able to give you, but I’ll die trying to show you how important you are to me. How special.”
“Oh Luke. Why does this have to be so complicated? Why can’t we just walk down the street together, holding hands and go out to dinner in public? Why do we have to sneak around?”
“Trust me sweetheart, I don’t like it any better than you do. And one day, I plan to parade you around town proudly. Hell, I’ll do it right now if you want me to.”
She looked momentarily panic-stricken. “No, no we can’t just yet. You were right before when you said you can’t see your best friend on the edge and just shove him off. We need to make sure Ryan is in a good place first before we go public.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “So you agree that we have something to go public with?”
She giggled and nodded. “Yeah. I’m happy when I’m with you Luke. And I really want to see where it could go now that we’re grown up.”
“Good, that’s what I want too. You and no one else.”
“Can you just give it a little more time?” she asked.
“I’ll give you all the time you need Sarah Jo. You just tell me what you want, and it’s yours.”
