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“I just came to see you. I wanted to check on you after last night,” he said.
“Like I said, no hangover. I’m fine,” I chirped.
“I don’t mean a hangover. I mean, how are you with everything? With having to leave school and come back here? With your daddy being sick?”
I was deeply moved all of a sudden by his concern. It was so like him to worry about me, to want to make things easier for me somehow. One thing I always knew about Luke was he would’ve carried me on his back across hot coals if I needed him to. I swallowed a lump in my throat, determined not to tear up in front of him.
“I’m doing well, thank you. I’ve always loved this old place, you know.”
“I know you have. Maybe it was stupid to come here. Or arrogant to think I knew better than what you said to me when I asked. I thought when I looked at you last night, for one second, when I asked about your dad, you were just being strong for everyone else.”
I shook my head, my automatic smile in place, but my eyes swimming with tears, “Damn it, Luke,” I managed to croak out on a sob.
Just like that, I was in his arms. My arms went around his waist and he held me tight, his chin resting on my head. I sniffed and tried to stop before it turned into full-on weeping, but all I did was succeed in clutching a handful of his shirt while I cried into his chest. He had a really muscular chest, even broader than when he played football in high school. And he felt so good, just having his arms around me seemed to set something right for me. Like he was putting my pieces back together. I felt stronger when he held me. It came in a rush, how lonely I’d been. The only guy I’d dated seriously had broken up with me over a year ago. I hadn’t been held in so long, hadn’t had a man touch me with affection in longer than that. It was all I could do to keep from looking up at him with tears in my eyes and lifting my face to him for a kiss. I knew he’d kiss me if I wanted him to. He deserved better than that. And I had more pride than that. I was sad and worried and lonely, but that didn’t give me any right to take advantage of his goodwill.
I stepped back, swiping fingers under my eyes to wipe off the mascara smears as I blinked furiously, “Thank you for that. I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t you dare apologize to me,” he cut me off. “I came here to see how you really were. Now I know. Don’t worry, I won’t ever let on that you have weak moments just like the rest of us mere mortals.”
“I’m just afraid it won’t be enough,” I whispered. Then I put my hand over my mouth, more embarrassed by that admission than by offering him a screw earlier.
“I’ve known you a long time,” he said slowly, “and I’ve never known you not to be more than anyone here deserves. So, it’s nonsense you worrying that you aren’t doing enough. You’re not alone in this. Even if it seems so. If you let me, I’ll help you. With your daddy, or here at the yard. Whatever you need.”
I held back the sob that threatened. I’d needed someone to say that to me for so long—to ask what I needed and offer to be just that. It was a dangerous thing to give me such a gift, especially when I knew his weakness, his great flaw was his desperate need to be needed. If I told Luke Maddox that I needed him, he’d give me everything body and soul, just for the privilege of being able to fix things for someone and be loved for it. A small, craven part of me wanted to do it, to say I needed him and lift up on my tiptoes and kiss him. But I wouldn’t let myself. It would be a selfish, shameful thing to do, to prey on his weakness like that and just use him up, fill myself with his generosity and goodness and affection until everything was better and I left him to go back to school. That would be a cruel thing to do to him, and I wouldn’t do it. Even though I ached to tell him I needed him to lean on, to help make everything okay for me. Because the truth was, I wasn’t going to be enough. I could run the lumberyard magnificently, but that didn’t get my dad’s reluctant butt to physical therapy or make him drink his water and eat right and walk enough every day. It wasn’t a one-person job. And even though I was dying for back-up, I wouldn’t let Luke Maddox be my human sacrifice.
