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Iwatch Kelsey's eyesflutter closed with my heart in my throat. I haven't been able to breathe since she nearly passed out on me. My mind is reeling, racing…a million different thoughts and fears all clamoring for attention.
I don't even know where to start trying to sort them all out.
The woman I breathe for is sick. Really fucking sick. Her condition may not be fatal, but it isn't a walk in the park either. And she's been battling it her entire life. Worse, she's been going through it alone. She's been sick alone. She's been afraid alone. All this time, she's hid it from everyone.
I want to hit my knees and scream in defiance. Maybe that'll release the weight sitting on my chest. Maybe then I'll be able tothink.
I'm not losing her. I'm not leaving her. And I'm damn sure not letting her go through this alone anymore, either.
I want to spank her gorgeous ass for keeping it from me.
All this time, she's been running herself into the ground cleaning up our messes…and no one was looking after her. That fuckingkillsme. I should have been here, looking after her. Instead, she's been looking after all of us. She's been hiding her condition from all of us to spare us.
It won't be like that ever again.
I'm not leaving her side. I don't care what she has to say about it. I don't care how hard she fights me.I'm not leaving.
I pull her heels off her adorable little feet. She sighs in her sleep and wiggles her toes. I gently tuck her in, brushing strands of hair away from her face. She's so fucking beautiful. I've always thought so. Her heart-shaped face and plump lips drive me crazy. She haunts my sleep. Haunts every waking hour.
"I love you," I whisper, brushing my lips across her forehead. It's the truth. I've been in love with her for two years. Her diagnosis doesn't change that. Part of me is mad as hell that she thought it might. But that's Kelsey. She's too damn stubborn to let anyone in. I never understood why until now.
She's scared out of her mind. She's kept this to herself out of some misguided attempt to protect the people she loves…as if that'll keep us from caring about her. As if it'll keep us from getting hurt if anything happens to her. She doesn't know us nearly as well as she thinks she does, though. She's got an entire team of men who worry about her regardless. They don't know what I do, but they worry anyway.
For all their talk about her terrorizing them, they wouldn't trade her for anything. They were asking about her this morning out of concern. She's family to every single one of them.
She's everything to me. Does she have any idea how far I'd go just to be close to her? I was supposed to retire the year shestarted with the team. I decided to keep playing to be close to her. I kept playing this year to be close to her.
I watch her for several long moments, just memorizing the way she looks in her bed. She's so peaceful, so still. She looks exhausted, but even now, it's hard to imagine her as anything but the tiny little spitfire who keeps the entire team in line with her smart mouth and sharp wit. It's hard to imagine her sick. She shouldn't be.
My stomach twists with fear and anger and outright fucking terror for her, acid running through my veins instead of blood.
"Goddammit." I stride from the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I want to break things, but I can't. This isn't my home, and she'll kick my ass if I break any of her shit. So I do the next best thing. I call Wes.
"Where the hell did you go?" he growls as soon as he answers. "Are you with Kelsey? We've searched the entire arena for her. Either she's hiding from us, or she left."
"She's with me."
"Have you changed her mind yet?"
"It's on the agenda."
"What the fuck? It should be item number one on the agenda," he complains. "We need her. So whatever drama you have going on is just going to have to wait until you convince her that she can't quit on us. Theo is on the verge of a fucking panic attack."
"She's sick, Wes," I rasp. "Really fucking sick. She has leukemia. I need… Christ, I don't know what I need, but I need you to shut up for five goddamn minutes and help me help her. Can you do that, please?"
He stops talking, shocked silent for the first time in his life. And then a sharp exhale sounds down the line. "Jesus Christ, Kris," he whispers, his voice shaking. "I'm so fucking sorry, man."
I clench my fist, resting my head against the wall outside her bedroom. Tears burn at the back of my eyes. I want to shred shit, run…do fucking anything but stand here doing nothing. But this is all I can do right now. I'm not leaving. Not even if she tries to kick me out.
"What do you need?" Wes asks, somber.
"Laney," I say simply. Her dad passed away a little over a year ago from cancer. I figure if anyone knows how to help right now, it's her. She took care of her dad until the end. She can tell me how to help Kelsey, what she needs, and what to expect. She can help ensure I know everything I need to know to keep Kelsey healthy and thriving. "I need to talk to Laney."
"I'll have her call you," he promises and then huffs out a curse. "How bad is it? What can I do?"
"I don't know." I squeeze my eyes closed, taking a deep breath. "It's not terminal. She was diagnosed when she was a kid, but she thinks she's falling out of remission."
"Why the fuck didn't she tell us?"
