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“You don’t want to fuck until we’re married,” I said, reasonably, I thought. “We won’t.”
She scowled and pushed out of my arms.
“What?”
“We’ve already—” She threw her arms out in frustration. “I don’t want to live with you before we’re married, too.”
“It’s four days.”
“Exactly.” She crossed her arms and glared. “We can wait four days.”
“That doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense.”
“Could you stop swearing at me, please?”
“I’m not swearingatyou.”
Esther let out a small screech, barely a sound, and my eyes widened. I waited for her to stomp her foot like a little kid and was surprised when she just glared at me.
“We’ve already done this completely backward,” she said through clenched teeth. “And we’re getting married in four days, and I barely know you and—I just—I just want the rest of it to beright, okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly as her eyes grew glassy. “Alright. Stay here.”
“Thank you.” Her shoulders slumped.
“But I’m pickin’ you up in the mornin’,” I said firmly. “And we’re gonna go over to the house so you can at least get familiar with shit over there.”
“I’m sure it’s fine.”
“It’s fuckin’ awesome,” I replied, making her smile faintly. “But you’re gonna be livin’ there. I want you to see it before you move in.”
“You can still change your mind. We can bring this stuff back and get a refund,” she said as I reached out to pull her into my arms again.
“You’re not bringin’ anythin’ back,” I replied. Once the decision had been made, I’d spent the entire day coming to terms with it, and now I couldn’t imaginenotmarrying Esther. It was going to be like living in the twilight zone for a while and I was sure that shit was going to come up that neither of us was prepared for—but I wanted her with me.
“Even if I poop my pants?” she asked with mock seriousness.
“Please don’t.”
Esther laughed and dropped her head against my chest. After a moment, she popped back up again. “Whatisyour favorite color?”
“Blue.”
“I got it right,” she said happily, letting out a sigh.
“So smart,” I murmured, leaning down to kiss her.
Chapter 11
Esther
The bed inHeather and Tommy’s guest room was soft and comfortable, but I spent the night tossing and turning anyway. After the house had quieted and Otto had left for the night, anxiety had settled around my shoulders like a cloak. While his mom and the rest of the ladies had taken me all over town, it had been impossible to focus on anything but shopping for wedding supplies, but once the day was over all of my fears had come back to the surface.
I was willing to marry Otto. I even cautiously looked forward to it. But I couldn’t help but remember my mom once mentioning that she’d married my dad because she wanted a home of her own. Was I doing the same thing? Probably. No, not probably. I was. I was using Otto, and we both knew it. He was my chance at security for me and the baby.
He’d been so sweet about it, though. I couldn’t understand. He didn’t have to marry me. A lot of men wouldn’t have. Just because we were having a baby didn’t mean that he had to tie himself to me for life.
I stuffed bobby pins into my hair and stared at myself in the Hawthorne’s bathroom mirror.
