AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Silence.
“Not that you have to talk with me about it,” I say, so I don’t sound too pushy. “I know you’re not into relying on others for support, but I hope you talk to someone.”
No response.
I nod and lower my gaze back to Viv. “You probably have other friends you can talk to — people you prefer over me. Non-judgmental types you can talk about these things with, so you don’t have to feel alone or worried about David. Neither of you seem to enjoy me too much, but I keep an eye on him too. Sounds like he’s in good hands, and that he’s beginning to feel more able to engage in his talking therapies now. That’s good. Right?”
Nothing.
“I know electro-convulsive therapy sounds extreme, and that it gets a bad rap from the old days and movies and shit, but it’s done in a totally humane way now and has proven very effective for treatment-resistant depression. Makes the brain release allthose mood-boosting neurotransmitters in a flash so they can get to work. My neighbor back home in Montana swore by it, like it was a fucking miracle cure. It came up a lot when mom was having a rough time after my dad left. Mom was scared about it, and I was too young to know enough or weigh in with an opinion, but if I knew then what I know now, I probably would have tried talking her into it. She did respond to some of the meds eventually, though. Things got easier, and there wasn’t any point talking about it after that.”
Jem’s silence feels too still, and I look up from Viv, to find her staring at me with the strangest look on her face. I have no idea what it means, so I ask. “Did I say something wrong again?”
She blinks at me a few times with her long, dark lashes, and then shakes her head. Her eyebrows dip into a frown, and she looks undecided about something — probably about talking to me, because when her expression smooths out again, she asks, “Your mom had depression?”
“Yeah,” I say quietly, not wanting to do anything to jeopardize the first attempt she’s making to actually engage with me.
She looks at me with interest, but it’s not the kind I was craving.
“How old were you?” she asks.
“It doesn’t matter.” I turn back to Viv, so I don’t have to keep pining for glimpses of her mom’s smiles. My little blossom is pretty liberal when it comes to sharing her dribbly grins, and I’ll lie on the floor with her and ham it up all day long to bask in that cuteness. “The point is she got better, and your dad will too.”
“Why won’t you say?”
I stay quiet for a while, and then sigh. “I was young. But I don’t want you thinking ill of my mom because of the position I was put in. It wasn’t her fault. I handled it, and we moved on. I only meant to say that I’m glad your dad’s on the mend.”
“Thank you,” she says quietly. “It is good. He’s still mad at me, though.”
“He’s mostly mad at himself,” I assure her. “He let you down, and it’ll take time for him to forgive himself. Whatever moody shit that currently looks like, it’ll pass. Especially when he realizes how well you’re doing for yourself. He’s also hung up on your not going to college, like y’all planned, but it’s not like you can’t ever go if you decide to. I’ll help you with Viv. He would too, probably. He loves you, and he’s doing his best to fix things.”
She mumbles her agreement, and then sighs. “I’ve been taking Viv over with me more often, and he may actually ask to hold her at some stage. I don’t know. It’s all kind of tense.”
I nod. “I’m sorry I outed you without warning, but I’m not sorry everything’s out in the open. It needed to happen.”
She glares at me. “That’s true enough, but I’m going to stop talking to you again, because I’m still fucking mad at you for not respecting my wishes.”
“I know. But it was for the best.”
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Gunnar.”
I smile at her. “You’re right. But speaking as the guy who didn’t get a call about your having his baby, I can assure you, time and knowledge matter. I would have responded a lot less favorably if you’d left things until Viv was old enough to introduce herself to me. I’m sure you’ve spent some sleepless nights, worrying about your dad finding out, but now you can rest easier.”
“So I should be thanking you?” she asks with an arched brow. “I should be happy you bulldozed your way into my life, without a thought to handle things more delicately?”
“You be whatever you want to be, Jemma Wade. But don’t assume I don’t think about what I do before I do it.”
She huffs. “Oh, so the other day, you thought it’d be a good idea to get all close and hot, copping a feel and leading me on when you already have a girlfriend?”
“That’swhy you’re so grumpy with me? You’re jealous I’m seeing someone else? Did you want me to touch you more?” I’m pushing her, so she’ll shut me down with ano, butmy God, I want her to sayyes.
“I don’t need you to touch me. I do fine all by myself.” Pink blooms in her cheeks. “And I have my pick of the guys lining up to touch me when I go out. I just think it was inappropriate for you to touch and kiss me when you’re not single, and I don’t appreciate becoming the bit-on-the-side in some asshole’s sleazy game.”
I nod along, validating what she’s pissed about — to a point.
“Technically, I only kissed you on the cheek,” I remind her. “It was you who turned it into something more. And you’re not some side-piece, you’re the mother of my child. No matter who I see or what I do, you’re at the top of my priorities.”
Viv starts to fuss, so I pick her up and get to my feet, to bounce with her.
