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But by the end of the day, I was eager to get my work finished and hurry home to see Willa for dinner and some relaxing time together before she needed to be put to bed. Our evening together was on my mind as I washed up at the end of the day when Darren approached me.
“Got a minute?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, rinsing my hands and drying them on a paper towel I balled up and tossed into the nearby trash can.
When I turned to look at him, he didn’t seem unhappy, which was a plus.
In fact, he almost looked excited. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about that, either, but at least he didn’t look like he wanted me gone, so I was going to take that as a good thing and figure out anything else as it came.
“So, we’re going out tonight, the whole team. Sort of a pregame dinner for the race tomorrow. You should come.”
It wasn’t so much an invitation as it was acknowledging I was part of the team and therefore had a place with the rest of them at the dinner. It made me feel really good.
Darren rocked back on his heels, anticipating my response. Before I could even open my mouth to say anything, my face must have told him what my answer was going to be. His expression fell and his eyes got that look that guys do when they’re trying to figure out a way to get out of a tense situation smoothly without losing face. He took a step back away from me, and I resisted the step forward and close the space between us.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I already have plans,” I told him.
I stopped short of telling him those plans included a toddler and a Disney movie marathon. Darren nodded, continuing to take steps backward.
“Oh, okay. Cool. No problem. See you tomorrow,” he said, seeming to spit out as many clichés as came to mind immediately before turning and walking out of the garage.
I nodded as I watched him walk away. My heart ached. I hated being the one to make his shoulders droop like that and his hand brush through his hair as he hung his head. But I had to keep this job. Writing the mechanic manuals was a good job and I loved it, but the cost of living was far different here, especially without my family around to help me. If I wanted to take care of Willa the way she deserved in our new home, I needed to hang on to this position. Not only was it higher paying, but it gave me the opportunity to show off my skills and potentially look good for other jobs and side work.
With all that in mind, I wasn’t sure about being around Darren too long outside of work. There was far too much possibility for things to start going sideways, especially considering our brief past. Getting us back into any kind of social environment would just put us right back into that setting and could go wrong really quickly. It was going to be difficult enough handling the race the next day. We were going to be away from the complex, filled with the adrenaline and excitement of the race, and in even closer proximity than usual. I needed to keep myself focused and not let my mind wander. The less opportunity I had to be near him not in the garages where we were buffered by Gus and the work directly in front of us, the better.
It made a lot of sense when I talked myself through it. Convincing my body and possibly my heart to go along with it was another thing entirely. All of them were teaming up to try to convince me to run after Darren and stop him. They wanted me to tell him I would go and then to spend the whole evening with him and maybe more.
Not a good choice.
Ignoring those impulses, I forced myself to stay in the garage for long enough that it seemed he was probably across the complex before leaving. There was no sign of him as I made my way to the parking lot and climbed in my Jeep to head home. On the way home from the complex, I stopped at a little local pizza shop I’d discovered right after moving in and picked up my favorite pizza. Then I swung by the grocery store to pick up supplies for the special movie night I was having with Willa. These evening parties for just the two of us were treats we didn’t do very often, so when we did, I liked to go all out.
Finally, laden down with bags from the grocery store, the pizza, and my things from work, I walked up to the front door. That’s when I realized I hadn’t thought this all the way through. Juggling everything in my hands, I finally managed to get the keys into the door and let myself in. Pam sat on the couch reading one of Willa’s favorite books while my little girl sat on the floor playing with her baby doll. Still so much a baby herself, it was adorable to watch her cradle the doll and murmur to it, stroking its hair and occasionally shoving a little plastic bottle into its mouth. I could have stood there for hours watching her, but Pam noticed me.
