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Still aware that my father was checking in on me every few seconds, I went back to work. But I kept my eyes lifted just enough so I could watch Kelly. She had done just what I’d asked her to and was steering clear of me. We hadn’t even exchanged words or fully looked at each other since right before the race. We couldn’t avoid working in the same area, but she’d managed to carve out a space in the far corner where she could work on projects without having to interact with me. From my angle I was able to watch her and see her notice when her phone let out an alert that told her my email had arrived.
She put down the tool she was using and reached over for her phone. It was a casual gesture, the expression on her face completely at rest as if she had no indication of anything about to happen. She probably thought it was just a message from her sister, perhaps a picture of the little girl playing. Her expression changed sharply when she looked at the screen. I could only imagine she was seeing my name on the email the same way I saw Jane’s when I first received the results. She leaned back against a table on the wall and opened the email. She read it and looked directly over at me. I didn’t bother to pretend I wasn’t staring at her. I nodded, acknowledging not just that she got the message, but also that I understood the results and was ready to move ahead.
It was time. We needed to hash this out and figure out our next steps. I honestly didn’t know what to think or feel, or how I wanted to move forward, exactly. All I knew was in an instant I’d become a father, and that totally changed my world. No matter how I decided to react or what we were going to do about it, nothing would ever change my knowledge that there was a little girl out in the world named Willa who was half mine. I’d helped create her, and that was irrevocable. In that instant, I was changed, and nothing would ever change me back. All that was left was to figure out how I’d move forward in this new life in front of me.
Kelly quickly closed the email on her phone and put it back on the table. Without saying anything, she went back to work. Keeping her head down, she disappeared into her work for the rest of the day. She barely left that spot. When she did it was only to go the bathroom and back. When Quentin called to let us know that he’d ordered lunch, she shook her head, shrugging off my father’s invitation to come down and eat with everybody. Dad tried to encourage her, but she murmured something I couldn’t hear to him and stayed where she was. When we came back, he brought her one of the box lunches they’d ordered. She thanked him and carried it outside. It was only a few minutes before she was back.
She kept working just as intently for the rest of the day and even after my father announced he needed to wrap it up so he could get home. Apparently, Mom wasn’t a big fan of how many hours he’d been putting in recently. It seemed retirement wasn’t sitting well with Dad. The longer he was supposed to be doing things like sitting at home or finally figuring out how to golf, the more he wanted to be back in the action. Kelly waved at him over her head and said good night but kept working like she was trying to delay the end of the day. But as soon as Dad walked out, she turned to me.
I started out of the garage, expecting for us to have a phone call later and decide what we were going to do, where we were going to meet, just like we originally planned. Instead, Kelly reached out and stopped me with one hand gripping my arm. She let it sit there only for a second, then pulled it away like touching me stung. Or like she wanted to touch me for longer but couldn’t allow herself to.
I stopped but didn’t say anything.
“We don’t have to wait to talk this out. I can tell my sister I’ll be late. We can get dinner. If that works for you,” she said. I didn’t answer, and she kept talking like she couldn’t stand the silence between us. “You said you wanted to talk as soon as you got the results. Well, you got them. You know now for sure Willa is your daughter. I still agree we should be in a neutral place to talk this out, but I am perfectly fine with you choosing it, if you have a place you want.”
