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When I glance at her, the tips of her lips are curved into a huge grin, her gaze trained on the screen, and so much love in her eyes, it makes my heart squeeze in my chest.
“Heartbeat is 148,” Nayloni says, taking my attention away from Ellie and back to the screen.
“Is that good?” I ask, having no clue about any of this.
“Yep. It should be between 120 and 160, so he’s got a good, strong heartbeat.”
He...Because we’re having a little boy.
Ellie reaches out and touches the screen, her fingers sliding across his body. “He looks like a gummy bear,” she says, her smile lighting up the dark room.
“Oh, so he’s been upgraded from a blob to a gummy bear? Nice,” Nayloni says with a playful wink. Ellie laughs, and the melodic sound goes straight to my heart. I heard her laugh a few times the night we were together, and then I tried to remember it once she was gone. But my memory didn’t do it justice.
And now, as I listen to it, I know why I didn’t recognize it—Ellie barely ever laughs. When she was younger, she laughed, but after that day, after she was taken and raped, the laughter stopped. Ellie grew up, her body and voice and personality changing. And her laugh changed too, but I never heard itbecause life was cruel and didn’t leave her with much to laugh about.
And I don’t know why, but in this moment, I vow to make her laugh more often. To make her smile. Ellie’s strong and resilient and a goddamn survivor, but she deserves more than to merely survive...she deserves to be happy.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ELLIE
I glanceover at Lincoln and find him staring at me with a look that I can’t decipher. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s always been the chill brother, nothing seeming to rattle him—unless you do stupid shit like me and have sex with him and get knocked up, then he shows a bit of emotion. But right now, as he looks at me, his features are filled with raw emotion, and I’m not sure why.
“You okay?” I ask as Nayloni goes about getting the baby’s measurements.
“Yeah,” Lincoln says with a tight smile. “It’s just all so surreal. To think in a few months, we’ll be parents of a tiny, helpless baby, who’ll depend on us for everything.”
I nod in understanding, getting a bit choked up at his words. Despite being pissed at me for what I did, I should’ve known he would do the right thing, which is a huge relief. Still, I feel like utter crap for what I’d done. My stupidity put him in this position, leaving him no choice but to either step up or be a shit father.
Nayloni lets us know the baby’s measurements are perfect, and after printing updated pictures for us, she gives me a moment to wipe off the gel and then escorts us to the examination room, where she says the doctor will be in shortly.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Lincoln the second the door closes. “What I did was wrong, and I’m so sorry I put you in this position. I had a one-track mind, and I didn’t consider the consequences. Just like I didn’t when I went to talk to Eleazar after Sienna told me not to. Had I?—”
“Stop,” Lincoln says gently, pressing his palm to my cheek in a comforting manner. “I agreed to have sex with you. It was completely mutual, and the fact is, even though condoms are up to the guest, I always use them. But I didn’t with you, and even if you had been on birth control, nothing is one hundred percent effective. We both made our own decisions, and there’s no sense in pointing fingers or living with regrets.”
“You don’t regret spending the night with me?” I choke out, shocked by his admission.
“I wish I could say I did,” Lincoln admits with a shake of his head. “But that night, I connected with someone on a deeper level, and through that connection we created this.” He holds up the sonogram picture. “How could I possibly regret what happened, when, as a result, we created such a beautiful miracle?”
Holy shit. I never thought I would hear him say something like this. Since the moment I found out, I prayed for him to come around, to be a part of our baby’s life. When I was little, all I ever wanted was a family, but I accepted at a young age it would never happen, and when I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated because I knew Lincoln would be so mad, there’d be no hope of giving this baby a real family—one I never had. But now...is it possible?
“I want this baby,” he continues, his eyes locking with mine. “And I forgive you. It might not have happened how either of us planned, but we’re going to have a baby together, and I want to raise him with you. There’s no reason why we can’t do that as friends.”
Friends.Right. Of course. What was I thinking? That he’d declare his undying love for me after what I did? Sure, he’s a damn good person—which is why I knew I could trust him—and is willing to forgive me, but that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t see me as anything more than Ellie Bardot, his much younger sister-in-law, who he’s now stuck raising a baby with.
Fuck, I really did mess up.
“Knock, knock,” the doctor says, stepping into the room. “I’m Dr. Peterson.” She shakes my hand and then Lincoln’s.
“I’m Ellie, and this is the baby’s father, Lincoln.”
“It’s wonderful to meet you both. I spoke to Sienna at her checkup the other day, and she mentioned you’ve moved home and would be coming in.” Her smile is friendly, and I know right away why Sienna loves her.
“Why don’t you have a seat on the examination table” she continues. “I’d like to take your blood pressure.”
“Oh, it was done when I first got here,” I remark, sitting on the table.
“Yes, I saw. I’d like to double check it.” She puts the cuff on me and pumps it up until it’s beyond tight before slowly releasing the air. After she removes the cuff, she types something into her iPad and then has a seat in front of me.
