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She shakes her head. “I can’t accept this. And for all we know, he’s paying someone to follow me.”
“We live out by the lake. You’d see someone behind you on all these back roads. Take the phone. Please. It’s the only way I’ll be able to relax while I’m gone.”
“Okay.” She climbs to her feet, and I move around the desk to pull her against me. Her head presses to my chest. “Henry will miss you.”
I tug her closer. “What about Henry’s mom? Will she miss me too?”
She smiles, reluctantly. “Yes, but thanks to Molly, she owns a vibrator, which will take the edge off.”
I groan and press her hand to my crotch. “Just like that, Lucie. I tell you I’ve got to do nothing but work, and in two seconds, you’ve got me ready to throw it off to the side.”
Her laughter is quiet and forced. She presses her lips to mine. “Have a good trip,” she says. And then she walks away, disappointment weighing on her like an invisible yoke.
I sink into my chair as the door shuts behind her and bury my head in my hands.You can’t serve two masters. That’s what my father said to me when my mother finally asked for a divorce.
I heard those words in my head when Kate discovered she was pregnant. We were mostly over by that point—there was the occasional weekend in San Francisco, but we were both more invested in our careers than each other. It was like a game of pretend, deciding to keep the baby and get married, hoping I could be a better father and husband than my dad. I started failing at it all almost immediately.Beckwas the one who was there for Kate during her pregnancy. He painted the nursery and installed the car seat because I was too busy. He saw Hannah’s sonogram photos first because Kate had to show them to someone and I was on a trip. I resented the fact that I’d missed out and also resented the way I came out of it looking like the villain when I was just trying to do my fucking job. And here I am, the villain again, when the actions I’m taking will impact everyone at this company, Lucie included.
TSG is my father’s legacy and mine, and we’ve both sacrificed too much to step off the gasnow.
But it feels like history is about to repeat. And I’m wondering what we’ll lose when it does.
33
LUCIE
Henry’s been bright-eyed and eager the whole way home. I didn’t want to tell him Caleb’s gone just before we got in the car—I didn’t want him to crawl inside himself the way he does when he’s sad and go to that place where I can’t reach him. I wanted to have him in my lap and offer any of a thousand other bribes to keep him happy, but my eyes sting as we get closer to the house because I already know it won’t work. There’s nothing I can do or say or offer him in Caleb’s place. Nothing.
And Caleb’s leaving. That’s the bigger issue. However difficult I find the next few weeks—they’re simply a small taste of what’s on the horizon, when he leaves for good.
Henry scrambles out of the car, already looking toward Caleb’s house for signs of life. When we enter, Sophie rushes in first, scattering shoes, dumping her backpack out in the foyer to show me the picture she drew and the book she got from the library.
Henry quietly hangs his backpack on its hook by the door and turns to me. “I need to change. It’s project night.”
I sit on the stairs and reach out my arms for him. He hesitatesbefore taking a seat on my knee. “Sweetie, Caleb had to go out of town. He’s not going to be able to come home tonight, but maybe we can go get ice cream instead.”
He stares at me, unblinking. “I don’t want ice cream. I want to work on the arm with Caleb.”
It’s as if he’s wrapped his little hand around my heart and given it a hard squeeze.
“He wanted to work on the arm with you too. But a really important thing came up and he’s going to be gone a lot. Maybe I can help you.” I try to pull him close, but he’s stiff in my lap, unwilling to hear me, unwilling to accept this outcome.
“You’re not good at building,” he says.
“If I can’t figure it out, Molly will help us. She’s good ateverything.”
His shoulders sag. Caleb has brought so much into his life these past months. But as the light fades from Henry’s eyes, I’m forced to ask if it was worth it.
I wanted Caleb for my own. I wanted to save him from himself.
But I should have avoided bringing my kids into it…and Jeremy makes it clear he agrees.
“You invited Caleb to Henry’s show?” Jeremy screams on the phone that night. “Do you have any idea how bad this makes you look?”
I could point out that I wasn’t the one who invited him, but I’m not sure that will help the situation. “Are you through?”
“You’ve barely been on your own and you’re already throwing yourself at someone else,” he says. “And if you thinkIwas a disappointment as a father, just wait until you’re depending on someone who isn’t even related to them.”
Ah,thereit is. He’s finally managed to say something that hits a little close to the bone. I knew he’d get there eventually. Because that’s the crux of it, right? Jeremy owes the twins something, whether he wants to or not. But Caleb doesn’t owe thema thing. He can simply walk away as if we never existed, and that seems to be what he intends to do. He hasn’t brought up what happens after he leaves even once.
